Dear Chode, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Chode, I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Chode, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Chode, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Chode, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Chode, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Chode, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Chode, Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant but couldn't, and he finally did it!

Dear Chode, My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.

Dear Chode, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

Dear Chode, My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? Carol
Dear Carol, Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

Dear Chode, Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? Wondering
Dear Wondering, The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

Dear Chode, I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? Annie
Dear Annie, Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

Dear Chode, I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? Sam
Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office.

Dear Chode, What inspires you most to write? Ted
Dear Ted, The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

Dear Chode, I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. Rose
Dear Rose, So would I.

Dear Chode, What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? Bess
Dear Bess, Night and day.
[Edited 11/29/05 17:01pm]

ThePurpleChode said:

Dear Chode, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Chode, My boyfriend beats me almost every day. I don't know what to do because he only does it when we're having sex. So far, he has given me a black eye and a bloody nose. What should I do? Injured
Dear Injured, Dump him! Come to me, I'll break both of your legs!