First, there is Gus...


Life Form: Inorganic (Robot)

Top-notch engineer - keeps the ship running smoothly... but if he had his way, he would fly this 50,000-ton dysfunctional family headlong into a comet. Too smart for his own good, he is tired of being under the thumb of these inferior organic beings. Informants have labeled him a Robotism sympathizer, firmly in support of synthetics' rights, but his name has not been mentioned during official confederational hearings.

Six of Nine, A.K.A Six


Life Form: Sex android - the most advanced in the Universe. Designed to have more sex than a brothel on "two-for-one night." Her programming enables her to fake orgasms in over 2,000 languages.

Although the subject is smart enough to be able to avoid using innuendo or lewd come-ons as a solution, it is testament to her seductive prowess that she manages to copulate her way out of a tight spot as often as she does. There was one occasion where the entire crew was captured, but suddenly and unexpectedly, she dropped fer top, I dropped my jaw, my gun.... and my pants. The acts she performed are unmentionable, but I will do my best for the sake of this. First she *****. Then she ***** from a trapeze, and ***** like a popsicle on a hot day, taking her *****. Strangely, I have no trouble recalling these details, yet cannot remember anything after, as I was dehydrated and required an I.V. and three blood transfusions. The entire crew vanished, as did my wife upon my return home.

T'Nuk


Life Form: Organic, possibly of bovine descent.

Special knack for keeping Bob, the Jupiter 42's uncooperative artificial intelligence system in line and online, which is the only reason that can be found for her being aboard. Is currently in the Galaxy Book of Records for stringing the most epithets together in one breath - "Mother ***** sonofa ***** hole ***** sucker ***** ass ***** bastard!" Married a dark clown, only to discover that, what she thought was true love, was in fact, an "Ultimate Dogfight." (EXPLANATION -- a regular "dogfight" is a contest where the man who brings the ugliest woman to a party wins. In an "Ultimate Dogfight" the man who marries the ugliest woman wins.) The dark clown did claim first prize, god rest his soul. She is now a self-made merry widow.

Whip


Life Form: Celestial varanus komodoensis

Whip has three goals in life: to avoid work, to have sex with Six, and in lieu of goal number two, breaking into Chode's porn stash. Which leads to his only hobby - beatin' the *****, a.k.a. spankin' the *****, a.k.a. wackin' the *****. Due to this obsession, he spends more time in the bathroom than a plumber paid by the hour.

And my worst enemy...
Darph Bobo


Life Form: Dark Clown

Was once the student of the Great Clown Warrior, Ben Dover. Despite Master Ben's teachings of discipline, honor and how to pick up women, Bobo decided to use his powers to take over the universe. Picked on mercilessly as a child, he's made his life mission one of revenge -- hoping one day to acquire his very own death star.

CONCLUSION: The crew of the Jupiter 42 is to be considered armed, only slightly dangerous, and a royal pain in the ***. They must be monitored around the clock.
[Edited 11/22/05 4:48am]

Longest post of the year award??

It looks great and funny !!!

Purple ***hole....

I don't get this thread.

2the9s said:

daily quota met

2the9s said:

One post and that's all you could come up with.

anyhow, lets see what insightful statement about the human condition appears tommorow. cant wait..