Spats said:

Do you have a lot of friends?

I still don't get you.

I've been "married" for over 10 years and Yes it's made me a better person.

Pochacco said:

that is what I'm saying in my post above - my life is boring to others who are childless, but not to me or others with children!!! When I connect it is with people who have children also, and suddenly I am bonding with people in a whole other way, in a way I never dreamed possible when young and single - there is only so much friendship you can have base on sex, drugs and rock'n'roll.
I could never go back to shallow, meaningless relationships. Having children opens the door to a life so much deeper in meaning. It is not for everybody, some people are too immature to cope.
Because of my children (and I'm sorry if this is boring you ) I have known true happiness. And understandably they are what I talk about 80% of the time.

Spats said:

you must be SOOOO happy.

I am going to be having fantastic mindblowing sex on Thursday with someone I am so in love with. This is guaranteed

charlottegelin said:

Are you implying you can't have a deep, meaningful relationship with a friend who is single and/or childless? Or that you cannot bond with someone because they don't have the same ambition in life that you do?
I know plenty of single people who aren't all sex, drugs and rock n roll. And my oldest friend in the world got married a few years ago and recently had a baby. It has changed her life in many ways, but not in the sense she can no longer go out and have fun, nor does it mean she can only talk about her child. She is more in life than just a wife and mother.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm not knocking your life nor your happiness with it. In fact, I'm glad you're so happy. Nothing better than loving your life, most people aspire to it and few get there.

CarrieMpls said:

thanks Carrie
I have drifted apart from friends that expect from me to be the same person I used to be as a youngster, I have changed a lot, and as a result our friendships have suffered.

One reason is time. I don't have a great deal of time to invest in what used to be intense friendships. THEY still do, but it feels to them that I am not putting in the effort and to be honest I am too exhausted to have a girls night out and stay up late when my children wake at the crack of dawn. If I suggest a video night at my place, a lot of the time they will cancel because they have just met a guy!?!

Another issue is because I already have the lifestyle they are trying to get to, but keep meeting Mr Wrong and feel like they are running out of time - maybe being with me and my family can be like rubbing it in their face?
My best friend is getting married in December, she wants to have babies ASAP - we had been growing apart because she desperately wants kids and there has been a little bit of hurt and resentment and a bit of avoidance on her part.

I am not at all saying I would automatically rule out having a deep, meaningful relationship with a friend who is single and/or childless, but the fact is I don't actually have any! I do tend to move in circles where I meet others like myself. I have close friends that I can count on one hand, they are all married parents like me - some were my besties when we were single and childless and these friendships have grown tremendously and are now better than they ever were.

and your friend with the baby ONE BABY is a whole different kettle of fish to having 3 kids under school age. Back when I only had one! Man! Life was so easy!!! I also truly believed having a child was not going to change my "lifestyle"

nilegettolrahc said:

Thanks for clarifying. I think friends often naturally grow apart as they get older. Marriage and children are huge, life changing events. But they're not the only ones. All sorts of things happen in life that change us, sometimes, just life itself. But it's the friends that grow with you, and allow each other to grow and change, that are truly precious.

It's sad to me that friends wouldn't be willing to compromise to keep each other around, but I understand it happens. I may not see my friend who is a mother as often, but we both still make an effort. Most of the time to hang out, I just go to her house, as it works out better for her. And hey, I get to see the baby too.

CarrieMpls said:

You are a good friend then and she is very lucky to have you!

charlottegelin said:

Good for you


while Spats is daydreaming of that blonde chick that never notices him !

Nikki23 said:

poor thing

charlottegelin said:

charlottegelin said:

I have mindblowing sex every day, sometimes more than once.

gemini13 said:

that happens to me in Bizzarro world too

Yes, i have a lot of friends. What don't you get?

Women who want and need stuff like that irritate me. I swear to god that women if they have their way will have men stuck in that protector role until the end of time.

Spats said:

Did I miss a memo? Was there a worldwide women's meeting where we voted on being helpless little girls forever? That's quite a broad brush you're painting with.

Personally, I don't expect anything from my husband that I wouldn't deliver, myself. I'd do anything for him that I'd ask him to do for me. I promise you that if his car breaks down on the side of the road a hundred miles from home in the middle of the night, and he needs me to come to his rescue, I'll do it. I'd also order for him in a restaurant if he were running a little late. Feel better?

Then again, I own a business and am the primary income earner. I suppose if I were shallow and materialistic, I'd be concerned that he isn't pulling his weight. Good thing I'm not.

I reckon I fail to see how you can be irritated by the relationships of people you don't know. Nothing about your relationships (or lack of them) could bother me.

My wife and I have changed for the better. But we are in a very caring and naturing relationship. We are childless by choice because we do believe that should be the end of your life and the begining of your childs' lives.