Friends you only have because you feel sorry for them? Maybe better termed "pity friends".
I used to have 3, and this is awful (but refreshing all the same) but when I moved house I never gave them my new phone number or address

They were such hard work! Listening to them and their endless problems was draining and depressing. One was a disaster magnet, wherever she went there would be ambulances and news reporters, I lost count of the times she went to court as a witness I was always a bit nervous when she visited

Do you know people like this?

charlottegelin said:

Not anymore..

charlottegelin said:

no but there are times when I feel like I myself am a "pity" friend... I'd rather have someone be open and tell me they really don't feel very close to me than let me think they truly care. it hurts when it begins to dawn on you especially if they're someone you mistakenly considered a close friend

Well actually I have one, who is married to a bully and has been in an unhappy marriage since day one. They separated and she was back to her own self, full of confidence and fun, glowing and a whole person.

But they got back together and now she is a shadow of former herself.. its hard listening to her stories and grumbles, knowing she will never leave him. I get so sad and frustrated knowing how badly he treats her.. she is in her own little prison, I just hope one day she will have the courage to do her own thing and start living for herself..

Natisse said:

my brother-in-law (who coined the term "sympathy friend") seems to accumulate people like this left, right and centre. He has about 5 friends who he never returns their calls if they ring - he is such a non-confrontationalist and would never dare say anything, he just avoids them instead he has even hidden when they dropped by unannounced, and deliberately isn't home when he is expecting them to visit.

Treat him well, he is your brother
you might need his help one day
we depend on one another
love him that's the only way...

charlottegelin said:

back atcha

Not really... not anymore Although one friend of mine can be quite a drag but she's cool when she's in a good mood

1, some years ago. We met at the start of college. She 's actually a different 'kind' of person than my other friends... not that that's bad, but we would 've never met if we didn't start that education I think.

It was unbelievable: she attracted any problem possible and that's what we talked about most of the time. She quit half way and I started seeing her less and less. She went through a lot of shit since then but I think start clearing up now. We occasionally see each other, by accident. There's no need for an actual friendship anymore, it's okay the way it is now.

Just ab, but that's not working out.

Yeah I have one right now and it's tiring at times. But what are ya gonna do.

Nope.

If you have a "pitful friend", why are you allowing them to be pitiful around you. Help them to address the drama or have them keep away from you. We all have ups and downs but if someone is always down, there's an issue.

Rhondab said:

In my case, everything I say to try and help she shoots right down. I've tried many many times to help this girl with her self confidence and it just doesn't work. So what do I do? Just not take her calls anymore and ignore her? Do I tell her she needs help and I'm not gonna hang around with her anymore until she gets some? It's not gonna happen, so why hurt her? I go over and watch movies and keep her company, when she starts her bitching I tell her to stop unless she takes my advice. It's a no win situation.

isadora said:

exactly the kind of person I am talking about.

Every time I agreed to meet with my disaster magnet friend, not only did we send the whole time trying to get her life sorted out, but the times when she offered to help me out when I needed it, she would call 2 days after not turning up, to say so sorry, she completely forgot because blah, blah, blah (insert hospital / distant acquaintance grazed knee / car blew up /all of the above here). It was a totally one sided thing that made me upset every time.

I moved house and never saw her again, and it's such a relief.

CarrieLee said:

yeah. what do you do?

Rhondab said:

It's not always that simple though Some people simply will not take advice or try to look @ things differently, acknowledge how they're contributing to their own problems. So instead of throwing the baby out w/ the bath water I pick & choose the times I can afford (emotionally) to be around her, because despite it all I'm still her friend I just can't always handle her shit Maybe one day something will sink in w/ her, I hope that for her. But I'd feel awful just walking away, I've known her nearly all my life

I once had a person tell me that "you know, stress can kill you - you should look @ the way you process every day circumstances." It wasn't until that moment that I started looking my behavior/attitude/stress level & trying to find ways to calm my shit DOWN. I could be SO upset over the tiniest thing! And that's where it started for me - I don't even have to talk myself down anymore from stressful situations, it was a process & has (hopefully) become a way of life But it had to click for me, that the way I was looking @ the world & my reactions to things was creating a bad vibe that worstened all the time. I had to take responsibility for my actions & realize I can only control what I can control - the rest is up to the cosmos & to chill the fuck OUT, be thankful for the things that are going RIGHT I had to hear it from a friend in order for it to click...






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[Edited 11/18/05 13:15pm]

Hmmmmm have the odd one yes!

...ummn...all my 'new' Org pals...

I have a friend that I don't have much in common with anymore and
none of my other friends can understand why I still associate with him.
We used to work together on the midnight shift, but I've since moved on
to a different job and career.

I feel bad for him because his family left him the house and moved to
Tennessee. The only thing keeping him here in Michigan is his job (which
looks like it may go under soon). I used to invite him over for Holiday
dinners and Christmas Eve's, but he developed a crush on my youngest sister (14)
when he was early 40ish and I had to quit asking him over.

For the last 5 years, he's been in a relationship with a girl who's been known in the neighborhood to do drugs n stuff.

He's been looking run down and ragged lately...

All we have is a phone relationship and I'm afraid it's going to end soon. ( I say that because the ONLY thing we have in common is that he's on my fantasy football league and I'm the commissioner, in other words, if it wasn't for me, my friends wouldn't see him anymore)

I hope I'm wrong, but it looks like the writing is on the wall...

Revolution said:

it feels crappy, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do

Illustrator said:

hey! wanna hang out!

nilegettolrahc said:

Welll....okay....
...but I'm only doing this out of sympathy.

REDFEATHERS said:

Exactly. I had to separate myself from people I felt I was growing apart from. Those types are so depressing that they get you thinking and then you are depressed. It got to the point where I was questioning myself, and who I was as a person and why I was the way I was. I then realized I was talking to and hanging around the wrong damn people.

When it gets to a point where you are hanging out with people and you find yourself asking yourself in your mind "what am i doing here?" then its time to go.

Illustrator said:

I'd be so grateful