recently a friend and i were discussing children and parenting. while expressing my wish to be a father, she offered to "give me a child". i asked if she was being serious, and of course she was and still is. before i could even go on she said she wants no commitment, and nothing to do with the child. she already has one and doesn't want a 2nd. as tempting as it sounds, i realize there are many factors and responsibilities. (health, family history, financial, etc...) also hearing some stories about surogate mothers, and people changing their minds at the last minute...well i think i would be crushed. i most definitely want a mother for my child, wether we're married or not. i feel it's so vital and important. IMO. but that's also something that may not happen.

adoption i feel is a long shot. i would like to have 2 of my own flesh and blood first. but also, i'm pretty sure adoption agencies would put a single male at the bottom of their list to adopt to.

i supppose i just don't want time taking one more thing away from me. i don't have all the answers, and know not what may lie ahead, but i want a life filled with children and what they bring into parents lives. i've helped in raising a kid or two, but again, every situation is different. people always have told me i'd make a great father. i don't know. i've heard that a lot and that i am good with children. it's something i've always wanted as well. and if my mother asks me one more time when am i gonna give her some grandchildren...

so any thoughts or experiences that you could share would greatly be appreciated. thanks.

sincerely,
a father - without a child.

There are no easy answers to this situation that's for sure.

You have mentioned some of the pitfalls and it sounds like you've given this a lot of thought.

I hope you are blessed with children Chico.

Boy, it's never too late...

I hope you will find someone soon you can trust to be a good mother.

CHIC0 said:

oh hon I don't think I've ever talked to you about the chromosonal disorder I have, but long story short I can't concieve a child of my own...the only way for me to have a child is IVF and it would be someone elses baby but I would carry it to term as that I can do. it's something I came to terms with when I was told at diagnosis aged 10 but as I've gotten older it's something I've thought about more and more

you will make a wonderful father one day, yes, BUT if you don't then rest assured that part of you still is conveyed in your spirit

i don't know what i could say to help you because i've never been in that situation. but i feel their are many ways a child can have a mother in his/her life such as a close female friend or aunts and even your own mom. and you being you the child will never be neglected for lack of love. as long as a child is surrounded by people who love them they will be okay. i wish you well

And a child is glad to be born from love. It's up to you to know if you have enough time and love to give to a child, and as soon as the feeling for you is strong, you should give it a try if you are SURE you can afford it.

I will be happy to receive any child at home. I had a hard divorce and I can't see my daughter enough, I'm in a relationship but not sure about the issue, and I'm so sad I didn't have more than one child. On the other side, I am afraid to live again what happened once, separation from children is too hard, on both sides. And noone knows what happens when love STOPS.

I don't have enough money for the moment to have another child. It's too early, even ia baby is always cute and welcome... A small tiny little life beginning... Cute but too soon. I want more than what I actually have for my current 9 years old daughter.

I would love to have a baby for someone else, but I know as soon as I saw and held the child I would not be able to let it go. That is a big danger with surrogacy.

No. I could do it for someone I really love (my brother, sister or close family). It's a decision you take. I couldn't do it for people I don't know, because I feel responsible from what would come out from me (education, love, warmth)

It was the customs in jewish families in Tunisia not more than 60 years ago.

I've thought about this before. In fact, I once had a long, slightly drunken conversation with a gay friend of mine in which we discussed my mothering a child, he and his partner would be 'primary' parents but I would always have a part in their lives. But ultimately, I think things like that can get too sticky. So realistically, I don't think I would ever do it.
Lots to think about, Chico. Lots to think about. No easy answers, I'm afraid.

For you and Natisse. You are one of those people Chico I would have a child for in a heartbeat but I know I definately could not be in the child's life. If it's something you truly want to do, maybe you should be willing to take a chance on a surrogate mom.

thank u

Stymie said:

wow... u know what u mean to me.