I certainly do. I want it to be a celebration of the person I have been in life, not a reflection of how other people saw me.

Today I attended the funeral of a buddy of mine I had not been in contact with the last year. He was one of the best and closest friends of my best friend, so I joined him for emotional support, which he certainly needed.

In my life I have seen many a funeral service that was just too horrid. Too pompous, too sweet, too anything. Always services planned by the bereaved people that person left behind, often the service reflecting that bereavement.

Same with this service. The guy, flaming gay, who died of cancer at age 45, was treated to a half-baked christian service, laced with his own musical choice. Which meant a 'sort of' sermon of a friend who spoke for the family, followed by "It Takes Two". The family friend made sure to point out weird facts that made it sound as if he had been a defect in life, which was not true. It was just that this man had taken a course his family did not approve of, which reflected in a service that did not do him justice.

Of course, this will be set right tomorrow, with some friends and the alcohol he so much loved. We will raise our glass and then hurry off to the guy behind the bar to request an 80's Madonna song.

Ten years ago was the first service I attended that did a person justice, which was the service off my then boy friend Richard, who died of Aids at age 28. We had planned most of the service together.

Richard, like the buddy we buried today, was a man who had taken his own course in life always and the service he wanted certainly reflected that. Up to the purple coffin with pink dots... hehehe.

During one of the speeches, he wanted the attendees to wear red noses, just to remind them to laugh and dare to be silly in the face of sadness and loss.

Then, two years ago, my family and I had to put together a service for my mother, who had died just a few hours before. Still in shock, because he death was, even in the face of her illness, still rather sudden, we had to put together a service that did her justice.

And we did. We had a great service, speeches and music that celebrated her life and the love she gave us. We cried, we laughed and played music in her honour and all was just right.

I want that for myself too. So I have drawn up a short list of what I want and what I certainly don't want. Sad music is limited to one tear jerker to spur on the stoic ones. Other music must be happy, but not too happy.

I can tell you; no Sometimes It Snows In April. Hehehe, I even have a few letters ready for my close ones, to remind them of my love for them and the sweet request to make as many people laugh as they can with their speeches.

Cuz laughter, to me, is one of the most important building blocks of happiness...

So, have you ever given thought of all these things? If so, what kind of service would you like for yourself?

,,,
[Edited 11/14/05 8:20am]

i need to create a living will and i need to settle some kind of arrangement that will ensure that i'm cremated instead of buried. my mother is afraid of fire and has said she would most likely refuse to cremate me should i die before her. i wasn't thrilled with that admission.

Anxiety said:

Hehehe, that is one of my MUSTS too. I also have a will that hopefully will assure they won't keep me alive after my brain quits.

Natisse said:

Big massive back.

Natisse said:

co-sign.



4 u Herman

HamsterHuey said:

me too.

also, i don't want to have anything to do with a funeral home because i think they're disgusting and morbid and they're a money trap. i want to have a small, comfortable memorial in a bar.

HamsterHuey said:

I miss you... and you were thought of on the weekend

Anxiety said:

We are going to do that tomorrow... hehehe, show Ronald some REAL appreciation. While singing Holiday! Celebrate!

when you're gone what do u care,u arent gonna know anything?

TheRealFiness said:

show some respect. i bet your ass is gonna get haunted.

CHIC0 said:

respect.... to u?... never

i apologize for my comment eariler

i really didnt read the thread before i posted

shausler said:

TheRealFiness said:

your respect means nothing to me anyway.

TheRealFiness said:

i thought about that. my wishes are more for the people i'd leave behind than for myself. i don't want people i know having to wear formal black clothes and going to a funeral home to remember me. that's not something i'd ask them to do in life, why would i want them to do it in death? better they should go somewhere they can drink and tell stories and play upbeat music and say goodbye in a way that isn't so stuffy and bleak.

as for the cremation, i don't want my rotting carcass taking up space. i hear those stories about floods making coffins pop out of the ground, and that horrifies me. nope. throw my crispy ass in an urn until you can figure out something cool to do with the ashes. that's my preference. plant a tree and bury the ashes with the dirt.

I've never thought about it in any kind of planning way... I've always kinda thought, well, I'll be dead so what do I care?
I do want to be cremated, rather than buried. And I abhor open casket ceremonies. I don't want anyone looking at me lying there all dead. It just creeps me out.
Funerals to me are more about those left behind than the person who has been lost. I think there would almost be 2 separate 'events' for me. One for my family and one for my friends. The family event would be somber and rather dignified and likely religious in nature, even though I'm not, as that's what suits them. I'd like to think the friend affair would be a secular, lively event, almost fun, and more outwardly emotional. Good music, plenty of yummy food and drinks and lots of memories. I hope they go dancing after.

some well - thought out comments ... this is a topic i have thought more of this year than ever before ...

i admit ... "death" is something I really started thinking about MORE after my father died in 02 ... BUT recently a friend of the family died --- at 38 ... he was not a close friend of mine - i actually had to look up his picture to figure out who he was - however he was in EXCELLENT SHAPE ... and just died from a heart virus with no warning ... just fell over ! ...

so needless to say - it is a topic that is on my mind ... and i simply MUST discuss this with my significant other ... and finish my will (living will , etc ) ... truly a depressing topic - but made somewhat smily by all of your comments ... i too feel that funerals should be more "upbeat" occasions celebrating a life ...

HamsterHuey said:

HamsterHuey said:

beautiful

I have always said just stick me in a box and be done with it. I feel the funeral biz is a racket!I have told the family I can't be bothered to be there so neither should you. Think about me wherever you are and that is good enough. I certainly dont want to see all the expensive fanfare that seems circus like and silly to me and like Carrie I find open caskets realllllyyyyy ick!

Funerals are for the living not the dead anyway so my final remark is...do whatever brings you closure and donate all useable parts with the acception of reproductive.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I couldn't agree more

And yes, I did write some things down since the average age in my family is not that old before they die.

AndGodCreatedMe said:

mine too my Dad is 53 and hes starting to get a bit wary because our family doesn't have a great trck record health-wise

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

agreed...especially the part about funerals being a racket. talking my family out of going the traditional route if they should have to deal with my death is an uphill battle. i come from a family that can intellectualize the absurdity of some conventional ways of doing things, yet they feel like they're going against something sacred if they actually stray from those conventions. it's frustrating.

I understand what you're saying, Huey, but I only agree for one part.

Some funerals creep the hell out of me. Those religious funerals full of sin and sorrows are the worst. I had to go to the funeral of a friend of mine, some time ago, who committed suicide. The funeral was led by some old fart-priest, babbling about how suicide was such a sin, but never really saying this in a outspoken way. I hated that.

As for me, I really don't want to be burried in a church, and don't want a religious service whatsoever. But, my ancestors in the 19th century weren't even religious, I'm not afraid about this thing. They'll know what to do.

I trust my friends and family and I think funerals are an important part of the whole process. In this view, I think it is important to leave freedom to those I leave behind.

Some restrictions and rules though. No Queen, Abba or Wagner. Or I'll haunt them forever. Not too many sappy songs either. At least one Prince-song and one Brel-song.

But that's me, at the age of 24. I don't know what I will like when I'm 55. I suspect it will be Prince and Brel, but I'm not willing to promise that. Nor am I willing to write my ideas down. There are many other things to write down in
this life.
[Edited 11/14/05 11:49am]

i want my body to be placed on a 30ft wooden scaffold decorated by friends and have the birds and other wild things pick away at my flesh. i also would like for them to hold a 7 day celebration around the scaffold, though i know it would be hard for most of them to get off work.

i wanna be forgotten about,just pretty much wiped from memory.

TheRealFiness said:

who are you again?