I have met this girl that I have fallen in love with bigtime, but she already has a boyfriend. She has told me though that the relationship isn't going too well. I've seen her like once a week for the last 4 weeks.

And now I don't know what to do: should I try to steal her away from her boyfriend, or should I respect that relationship and hold back and wait until she possibly breaks up with the guy?

I am so in love that I can't wait to express my feelings to her, you know I haven't properly slept for weeks because of her, and I start to look and feel like shit. But I wouldn't like to drop a bomb on her relationship by telling her my feelings, cuz I'd hate it when someone would try to steal away my girlfriend like that. So that's my dilemma.

I'd like to hear some opinions of you love guru's here at the org, please help out a confused man. I haven't been really in love for over 15 years and now that I finally am, it had to be a woman who is already taken. Life sucks sometimes...

funkaholic1972 said:

Like my dad says, "Life sucks, deal with it". I'd find another woman if I were you. The last thing I want to deal with is a jealous boyfriend. I've seen cats in your situation get seriously hurt. Suck it up and move on.

Leave her alone. Nothing good will come of attempting to 'take her away' from her current boyfriend.
It's hard, but that's the truth.



That said, in the past when I've had secret crushes that went on and on and on till I finally couldn't take it any more, I found telling the object of my affection how I felt made it all better in one way or another. Either they were up for giving it a go, or they let me know it wasn't meant to be and either way I was able to move on from there.

So, take your pick, I guess. lol.

nah just leave it alone.

uPtoWnNY said:

Hmmm, she told me her bf is very jealous and is checking her emails and textmessages on her phone and stuff. Also other people have warned me for this. As most people tell me to leave her alone, that would probably be the best thing to do. Especially as this guy is a lot taller than I am, hehe! But it is so hard because I am SOOO in love with her. Sigh...

There will always be another woman. There is no woman who is THAT special. They come and go. Move on.

Be her friend and wait the relationship out all while keeping an eye out for someone else to date. When dating that someone else,tell her about it (being friends you would do that) note her reaction and if there's the smallest bit of jealousy you will know that she feels the same about you.

Slave2daGroove said:

nah i say leave her alone, he'll just end up in the 'friend zone'

brownsugar said:

Well a woman knows

The best relationships I've been in have come from "the friend zone" because after the lust wears off all you have is the friend.

Slave2daGroove said:

i dunno. i just think he should conserve his time elsewhere instead of waiting on her while he's seeing someone else. i could get messy and really confusing. maybe it'll work out but then again maybe it won't

What does a woman know? The last thing he wants is to be in the "friend zone". Women are great at putting guys in the "friend zone" and it can happen very easily. And he isn't going to get laid in the "friend zone". The guy she is with now who she is having troubles with is getting the action. That's how it works.

Spats said:

A woman know a lot of things Spats.

I'd hate to be in the "friend zone" as I am way too attracted to her. I just can't imagine being just friends with her. I would have to hold in my feelings too much (like I have until now) and that has proven to be really stressful to me.

But thanks for your suggestion anyway, S2DG, any advice is much appreciated!

Take a chance to share your feelings for her.

She mite love you just the same for a long time.
It happens.
And even if she does, it might take time until you really get together.
If she's with someone, even more time, unless she agrees to leave all for you.

You have to know if she feels the same for you.


And you'll feel released if she just tells you she don't.

CarrieMpls said:

Yeah, I think that's what I'm gonna do. I am going to tell her how I feel about her, and let her know that I can't continue to see her as long as she still has her bf, cuz I'm way too attracted to her. It sucks, but that is just the way it is I guess.

virginie74 said:

Thanks, this is what I will do, I have to take the chance. I haven't felt like this about a girl since highschool, so I reckon she is someone special.

I do already know that she at least likes me a little, cuz when I first spoke to her (after flirting a few times with her on the tram) she was the one who asked to meet each other some time. But that was on the day she and her bf broke up, and before our first date she'd let me know she was gonna give it one last try with her bf. I probably should have cut off the contact by then, but I was too curious and wanted to meet her anyway. And look where I am now, stupid me, hehe!

I hope that as you're reading peoples comments, your interest level [degree of love] in this gal is starting to crack and drop, at least just a little bit. You need to do whatever it takes to lower your interest level in her because this situation is a setup for nothing but heartbreak and frustration for you.

I guess this maybe isn't the answer you were looking for. Maybe you should start to emotionally disconnect from her and start meeting and dating other women as soon as possible. Even if the idea of meeting other women makes you only lovesick, do it anyway. It will build character and prepare you for the real thing when it comes along.

Remember, if she's prepared to cheat on him, she'll do it to you.
[Edited 11/11/05 8:32am]

funkaholic1972 said:

Sounds dangerous.



If this is the case, you have every right to go forward. Just be prepared for the worst.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

This is a thing that worries me about her, true!

PurpleKnight said:

Hehehe, finally someone telling me what I really want to hear!

Are you already familiar with The Cure records, by the way? I mean, best get prepared...

Novabreaker said:

It sure feels dangerous. I hardly recognize myself, I feel like a fuckin' teenager, hehe!

Novabreaker said:

I have my collection of depressed love songs ready, hehe!

Novabreaker said:

oh gosh...

Sad, but true.

Being the gentleman that you are, there's only one high-road to pursue.
Although you will be taking an ethical path, there is no gaurantee that this will lead to the destination you desire.

It seems that she's already confided in you concerning her present relationship.
Make her aware of your feelings but that you have no intentions of interfering in her current situation.
If it turns out that her relationship continues to deteriorate to the point of dissolution, you'd be very interested in setting up a funky - partnership at that point.

Here's the hard part.
Now you should then back off and decide if it's really worth it to you to wait it out.

Good luck and Keep The Funk Alive.


tA

Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431

PurpleKnight said:

Whatever will happen, I'll cherish this experience for sure anyway. I haven't felt like this since I was 19 (I am 33 now) and for years I've believed that falling in love and having giant crushes were a thing of the past for me. It just never happened to me anymore, sometimes I was even afraid that I had built walls too thick around my heart. I am really pleased to see that it is still possible and this in itself gives me a very good feeling!

funkaholic1972 said:

Yeah I've felt that way too. It won't last long. Soon the utter misery of wanting something you can't have will kick in.

theAudience said:

Thanks tA, these are wise words and this is just the way I will present my feelings to her. You are a great friend!

PS: I promise to keep the funk alive!

CarrieMpls said:

I guess you are probably right.

But it ain't over until it's over, first I have to tell her how I feel!