Hi everyone,

It's not often I post personal stuff on the Org but I'm hoping someone will be able to give me a little advice. If so, I'd really appreciate it.

Just to let you know in advance: if you're not in the UK, then it might not be worth reading this!

To cut a long story short, someone (whom I once thought was a good friend of mine) owes me quite a large sum of money. It accumulated over a period of time - a bit here, a bit there - and, now that I'm trying to get it back, he's suddenly disappeared off the radar. Some friend, eh?

I've given him more than enough chances and I've put up with enough of his excuses. Believe me, I've been extremely patient and - when I have enquired about the money - he's always got an excuse ready and waiting. The alarm bells have been ringing for a while but - call me naive or stupid, maybe - I've always thought that, as a 'mate', he'll pay me back eventually. Yeah, I'm stupid.

We agreed that he'd pay me back £200 a month until it was settled and, for the first couple of months, he stuck to the bargain. In retrospect, I think he was just trying to keep me sweet. Fast forward a few months later, however, and all I get is a bunch of excuses ("I'll pay you back £400 next month", for example) but no sign of the money. Now, it's got to the stage where he's not answering his phone or replying to any of my texts. I know where he works but I'm not sure where he lives now.

I've been meaning to sort this out for a while but the final straw came the other day when I spoke to his ex - I work with her, but I've never once raised the issue; it's between me and him - and she claimed that he'd told her that he'd paid me back all the money. Cheeky !! Obviously I was fuming!

All the months that I've been hoping he'd live up to his promises and behave how a real friend should, he's been fobbing me off and lying to everybody else. My other mates, throughout all of this, have been on my back trying to get me to sort this out but I guess I just hoped he'd fulfill his end of the deal. Maybe I'm too soft (and he knew it). But I've now reached the final straw.

The problem is he's a police officer.

Does anyone know what my rights are in this situation? Am I able to claim this back through the Small Claims court? I've never wanted to take it that far but I've now got to the point where enough's enough. I helped him out as a mate; it's the least he can do for me in return - which he isn't.

Apparently, as a police officer, he must declare any unpaid debts to his sergeant to prevent being blackmailable. I seriously doubt he's ever mentioned this money. However, what I don't want to do is open up a huge can of worms and take on a police officer in the courts for something that (a) I'm not sure whether I'm guaranteed to win or (b) end up having my life made a misery due to the sort of job he does.

I have plenty of people to vouch for me that he owes me this money. I also have some evidence either as text message or by bank statement that the money was loaned. What I don't know is whether I've got a case or not.

If I have to write the debt off, I have to write it off. It's not something I can really afford to do but it makes for an easier life. There again, I don't see why - especially as somebody who's supposed to uphold the law - he should be allowed to get away with it. But if I have a good chance of getting my money back, that ***** is going to court.

Does anyone know much about this? What should I do next?

If anyone has any advice, I'd really like to hear it.

Thanks in advance.

x
[Edited 11/10/05 11:47am]

How annoying. I just typed a really long answer and it dissappeared.

Anyway.

As I was saying, I think the fact that hes a police officer is a blessing rather than a curse, because you have another avenue to explore now. I dont think itll cause problems for you if you go down and speak to them. The only thing I would say is you dont know how seriously theyll take you. All you can do is say either they help you come to some sort of arrangement, because they can make him pay you out of his wages, or you take him to court. Theyre not gonna let this happen - all the bad press that results from an officer being taken to court just for not paying back his friend? I dont think so! they will most likely help you when you make it clear that your serious about it. Go in on the offensive. After all, what have you got to lose? i doubt youll want to be friends with him again. And I dont think your life will be made a misery either, I dont think youll gain any more enemies than just him, and he deserves that. Hes asking for it!

Just think one step at a time, talk to them and take it from there. Dont worry!

Let me know what happens, hope youre ok

susannah said:

Hi hun, thanks very much; I really appreciate the advice.

I think what you're saying is right. A few of my mates have been offering to go around and give him a 'visit', so to speak; I DON'T advocate that sort of thing but, as I've told them, it's probably not a good idea when he's a police officer!

I am okay, thank you. As I say, if I have to write it off, so be it. There are worse things to deal with. But when I consider it, I do think "Why the ***** hell should I??!" - I did help him out after all. And he's just thrown it back in my face. Plus, there are certain things I would love to do - such as go to the NY Invasion - which I could definitely do if I had the money. So he's holding my life up in certain ways. If I'm honest, last year was quite a tough one financially and all because of him. Thankfully, everything's back on track now but I don't see why he should get away with it.

We've got a free legal helpline in work which I may use. Failing that, I'll go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau - check my options out - then go to the police station. I think he thinks that's the last thing I'll do.

The saddest part is that - as always - you learn who your true friends are. And for ages, throughout all of this - even when my other mates have been going mad with me - I've said I'd always stand by him. Not any more. I've learned the hard way, I suppose.

But thank you - it gives something to think about.

I have to leave work in a second but, if anything happens, I'll definitely give you an update.

Thanks, love.

Ax

Aw no problem. I think youre on the right track, ask the CAB or your helpline, and go from there.

The lessons we have to learn eh? All for the best in the end though.

What on earth are you doing at work so late!

take care x

Correctamundo...the fact he is a copper helps, my thought would be to give him 1 last (written) opportunity with the in built threat of court action if he does not reply with a payment and agreement within 7 days...don't accept any shit. He will want to avoid that because of the issues at work.

Good luck!

susannah said:

Don't ask - that's what work is like at the moment!

I'm off home in a sec. Thanks very much, though - I really do appreciate it.

mdiver said:

Thanks, mate. Again, I appreciate the advice.

This issue has been going on for nearly a year now; it's time to put it to bed.

If the ***** gets himself into trouble over it, he's only got himself to blame. Not my concern anymore.

Thanks, buddy.
[Edited 11/10/05 13:05pm]

onenitealone said:

Or if you want we could get an org posse together and pummel him

I'd write him a letter and send it by recorded delivery. Make it formal but not unfriendly and stick to the facts.

If he then doesn't respond to the letter, I'd write it off. Unless it's more than a month's wage, do you really want to pay court costs, whether you get the money back or not?

Personally, I never lend out money to people unless I'm certain that I can afford never to see it again. If they do give it me back, it's a bonus but otherwise I consider it a gift to them. I realise that peoples' circumstances can change dramatically in a short space of time.

mdiver said:

Let me consider it!

BinaryJustin said:

Thanks, Justin. I'll do that. First, though, I'm going to speak to that helpline and see what the CAB says; there may be certain procedures I have to follow first. I have no idea how you go about these things.

If the worst comes to the worst, I will have to write it off; it's only money. I couldn't care less about losing his friendship - he's already proved that it's not important to him, anyway. The only disheartening factor is that I'd be allowing him to get away with it; I'd never want to give him that satisfaction. And it's quite a few month's wages I'd be losing out on.

It's really funny cos - on the outside - everyone thinks he's as nice as pie. He's your typical Jack The Lad. It's only when you have the misfortune of living with him/getting to know him - as I did (and how this all started) - you get to see the person he really is. I could tell you some stories, believe me. But this isn't really the place for them.

I'd still look out for my mates but I have learned a big lesson out of this. I refuse to let one bad apple sour the rest of the batch. I'm lucky to have the friends I've got.

Thanks, mate. Take care.

onenitealone said:

No!

You aren't!!!

You are humane!!! That's why I like you so!!!




Sorry, I can't give you an advice...
[Edited 11/11/05 8:46am]

Cheeky said:

Thanks, Cheek. I appreciate that. I guess I just feel a bit foolish now but - when it's one of your 'mates' - what do you do...? I certainly won't let it happen again.

But thank you very much; it means a lot.

Ax