Married folks have replied to a previous thread on having sex very sparingly in their marriage. Is this commonplace? Why has your sex life gone to hell? What factors are involved in you not being intimate with your spouse anymore?

I guess I don't see how being married would make any changes in that department. At least, I don't see it as any different than if you were in a long term relationship for many years.
I do, however, think having children could bring about quite large changes...


But I've never been married.

I think Its just the same as a long term relationship too - things just fizzle out slowly after a while. Its quite organic. I guess passion just starts to dissappear, youre just left with companionship....

Again, never married.

Some married folks..

Hell my sister, and brother-in-law have been married 42 years, and still enjoy the intimacy of one another.

susannah said:

fizzle out...have you been in a relationship where the sex just fizzled out??

Organic? What???

DexMSR said:

I just meant that all the passion and lust dies down a bit after time. Organic means natural, not forced, it just happens!

DexMSR said:

i've been in a long term relationship where the relationship fizzled but the sex remained HOT!!

Rhondab said:

me too. I guess everyones different, depends on the couple....

surprise surprise .... doesnt seem to be too many MARRIED FOLKS are commenting !@!!*&@*%$*(&%^

well --- as a married MALE i will say ... and echo ... alot of what you all are saying ....

its very natural - to see the "sex thing" go alil downhill ...it's a huge challenge keeping the "romance" alive --- dealing with kids ... exhaustion ... work ..... money issues ... etc ...

I have seen many couples who were "alive and wild sexually" ... go thru the 7 yr itches etc ... at 40 now ... i said this recently to a buddy of mine who just went through a divorce : "remember when we were 25 and everyone was getting married --- now we are 40 and everyone seems to be getting divorced !"

speaking from his viewpoint - alot of it has to do with the women and their sex drives .... (his ex-wife's sex drive) and i dont think he was as understanding as (most) married men HAVE to be ....

from my viewpoint - i still am very turned on by my wife - but the frequency is like a roller coaster --- one month it is very good --- the next month it is like .... ermmm... like NOT ...

some of it you gotta blame on yourself (not helping out enough around the house ... not helping out with kids enough ... etc ) but some of it you always have to blame on the hormonal thingy !!!

Most of my married friends are bored and the sex has already gone bad. And they have not even been married that long. And don't forget the divorce rate is higher than ever. Proves my point. If you don't stick with a person way too long than boredom does not set in. because you are meeting new people and having new experiences. Variety. And if a couple's sex life goes into the crapper then the relationship is in trouble.

Spats said:

I think you first will have to find someone who wants to have sex with you, let alone marry you.....

For the most part i have not had trouble getting action. But if you have high standards you are going to have rough patches. I have no intention of ever getting married. I have never met any woman or been involved with any woman that i would want to spend the rest of my life with. And i would not want to be in a relationhip that requires you to sign a contract.

It's certainly not on tap (like you expect before you get married).

What, i get to sleep with a woman every night?
That means sex every night, right?
Wrong!

I am trying to work this one out myself, do we have more sex than when we lived apart? Yes, but it was concentrated into short periods of time.

I think a lot comes from our perception of lots and not at all. When you first enter a relationship you may see that person only once or a few times a week. Each time you meet/date you might have sex.

However it would invariably be a weekend, you are relaxed, 100% focussed on each other (because it's date night) and therefore in the mood.

When you live each and every day together your mind is often on money, kids (Only 2 months to go ) or work. Because your partner is your partner you often need all the time you get together to deal with the daily shit, discuss more important things. Then maybe a nice night out or a quiet night in, on holiday and you are in the mood again.

I certainly didn't have any more sex when I was single, I just think I did

Mind you it's only been 2 years, I will get back to you in 5.

ok here goes

as a married woman I can honestly say I don't get it as much as I'd like. That is my fault and his equally. Most of the time he is tired, I am preoccupied or he is gone.
sometimes it is less hassle to just be close.

now don't get me wrong, when it is right it is OFF THE CHAIN, but if my head isn't in it or he just wants to "go through the motions so he can go to sleep" I say forget it. Quality outweighs quantity every time.

so yeah you have to take into consideration all aspects of the relationship. The money issues, the kids, hell even the vet bill can sometimes be intrusive.

We take our time make special moments and have date nights that end with GREAT LOVE MAKING.

or sometimes I just get freaky and surprise him.

but yes it's true, there are issues that arise the have affected the "frequency" but that's ok because I prefer quality.

Strongly disagree, a long term relationship is what u make of it. My ex and i ws together for 3 years and i was sticking him like a bunny rabbit 3 years straight and still do. If u committed to one person and only do it with one person as of i have been the last year and 10 months, why would your sex drive go down. Everyone needs sex or at least i do at least 4-5 times aweek!!!

Our married life hasn't gone to hell @ all...it's actually a lot better