I'm making 40k a year and paying 570 a month. I see my child every weekend. I've gotten a lawyer, but now i understand that lawyers are out to pay rent in the long run and dont give a damn about helping you. After i cashed him out, he's talking about other legal costs.

Quick situation is: we were never married. I lived with my child and her the first year and a half. she moved out when she got pregnant with another dude(didnt know about it). We dont have a legal custodial agreement. Winning custody seems like an unreasonable battle that will exceed 30k cuz of greedy lawyers. Child support is getting more expensive everytime its put in for review.

Clown me if u wish or help a brothah out. I just want to know what to look for to lower this chsupp here in oregon. I imagine if i do get it lowered then a custody battle will be easily winnable. as it stands now, she goes and buys a new car when theyre about to shut off her power.

sometiems i think men get screwed when it comes to children in the states.

ehuffnsd said:

Totally. Since parenthood is a joint venture a man shouldn't be fleeced while the woman lives the good life.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Amen. That sh!t is f-d up. When you go to court, just show proof of how irresponsible the b!tch is. It worked for my cousin. Fortunately, he had a smart judge.

uPtoWnNY said:

It shouldn't cost a fortune to do any of this either. Fuckin lawyers Good luck gooch

In the state of Washington where I live, you can do most of this stuff yourself (petitions for custody, parenting plans, changing child support amounts). You can go to the state's website and download the paperwork and/or there are Family Law Advocates to advise what to do. They also can refer lower income folks to "legal clinics" where the first session with a volunteer lawyer is free, then anything further is referred to lawyers who work for a reduced fee.

It's a complicated and confusing process, often times, and that's what lawyers bank on.

If you can file your own paperwork, you'll still be heard by a judge and able to present your case. Check with your local Regional Justice Center/Family Law Court.

Also, in the state of WA, the welfare office pays a woman $349 in cash per month and about $120 per month of foodstamps for a child if the mother isn't working and also isn't receiving child support from the father. She can't just sit back and do nothing, though, she has to do their WorkFirst Program and prove that she's jobseeking. So, that's almost as much as what you're paying your ex per month. I know it seems like a lot of money and it hurts, but mentally just try to make your priority that your child is well cared for, not to be mad at your ex.

I strongly advise you to keep records and notes of every single penny you spend on your kid when you're together, each item of food/clothing/toys you buy.

Based from my experience working in the area of Family Law, In Canada the amount of child support is based on the income of the payor and the number of children. If the payor can prove "undue hardship" the courts will adjust the child support payments accordingly.

it's a damn shame with situations like these. In some cases, the guy is a deadbeat, and doesn't want to even pay 100 dollars a month, and hasn't even made the effort to see the kid, while a good guy (or so it seems in your case) has to pay 570 a month, and actually sees the kid.

Then you have women who try to get money for their child, but can't get a dime because the father doesn't work a steady job and then you have the other women who abuse it by asking for more than they need for their personal benefit and not the child's benefit. It's fucked either way.

Good Luck in your situation though...

My sister-in-law's ex earns $120K a year and pays her $950/month in child support. Sounds like alot, but living in NY is so damned expensive that it really isn't for her.

missfee said:

The deadbeat can be the woman too. Deadbeats are not those who do not have a job, as the saying goes "you cannot get blood out of a stone". If a person does not have an income then the courts will not order that person to pay. The majority are deadbeats who have income that withhold the money to hurt the other person financially. Don't do that - don't withhold the money - it's the kids that have to suffer the most, think.

Hi, well the csa in england is crap, theyve been after my ex for 12 years never got enough info on him as he says he has no money and now hes just put his house for sale for half a million quid!!!

no money my arse

maybe u should move here lol.

It's really trippy. A cousin of mine never could get her deadbeat ex husband to pay child support, she was always shocked when a little measly check could come every few months

She's remarried & her new husband has a kid from a previous marriage. He's paying damn near $700/mo & doesn't even get to see the kid

It's like they both got screwed... & the kids too

Well this may not be the popular point of view but I think if you are the custodial parent, it is your responsiblity to make sure that the rent is paid, lights are on, etc. If you can't financially handle that part, allow the child to live with the other parent and you pay child support. Of course I'm assuming both parents are sane and are active in the childs life. I'm not one to advocate that the woman should always be the custodial parent. I also think they should allow some non-custodial parents to put the child support in trust fund or some other account especially if there is an issue with how the money is being spent.

To me, child support is for the "extras". Like my daughter made the JV basketball team and she needed $112 dollars for the team shoes and some other stuff. That's extra. Called my daughter"s father up and said send $112 and that was on top of the child support.


My friend had a situation where he didn't necessarily pay child support directly to the mother but he bought the school clothes, paid for the extras. He saw he daughter EVERY weekend. The mother made ALOT more than my friend but I guess the mother felt like she needed to have some money from him so after 7 years of this arrangement she takes him to court for child support. He now has to pay $400 per month. He had to get a second job to make ends meet and now rarely sees his daughter because he needs to work. The mother asked him why wasn't he spending more time with his child now and he told her, you can't have it both ways. He told her that he still needs to survive. He only sees his daughter a couple of times per month now and he told me that the mother feels like an ass.

uPtoWnNY said:

Nice point of view! Now I know there are women out there trying to trap a man, and that's not cool. But if a child's involved the man needs to step up and be a man and at least support the child financially.

I'm a single parent of three kids and struggled to make sure my kids were able to get more than the necessities without any assistance from their father. I was married to the sperm donor for 11 years and after we got divorced he never once paid a dime for his children. Their "father" owes me over $60,000 in back due child support and has gone as far as jumping the state in order to avoid making any payments. He never sees his kids nor does he do anything with him. So stand up, be a man and take care of your child. In the end you'll both be better off for it.

Dude, you're paying only 17% of your income toward your child. If you do make another trip to court, they're likely to raise it rather than lower it.

next time wear a condom mate!

My fiance has two children, and he has to pay each 30% of his income, which means we only take home 40%.

DarlinLaurie said:

That goes without saying. We're talking about situations where the man is doing his part, but he's getting fleeced. It's his moral duty to support his kids, not his ex's lifestyle.

Dude, your going to have to get another job.

Here's my story.

I was married and then divorced the week after my son was born. I walked out five months preganant because I knew it was never going to get better, and it was bad. This 'man' demanded a paternity test, so he spent $600 dollars to learn what virgin means. From that point on he dragged me to the Friend of the Court every chance he got to try delaying or reducing the payment. He earned three times what I did. My son was almost two years old before I got my first support check.

He had visitation which he apparently thought meant had the right to curse me out every time he saw me. My son would cry uncontrollably every time he had to go to his father. One day after an ugly scene in a mall parking lot, I got a restraining order. The support stopped because he lost his job and filed bankruptcy (I saw that coming) and moved. No checks for over three years, but no ex either so that was worth it. One day he called me and offered a deal, if I cancel the back support, he would stay out of our lives. The courts denied a request from both of us, to terminate his parental rights. "Preserving the family unit" they call it. So with our mutal agreement I freed him from paying twenty grand in back support and interest, and he leaves me and my son the hell alone. If he ever breaks our agreement, I going to carve twenty grand plus interest out of his ass.

I hope your situation is nicer.

uPtoWnNY said:

Exactly. If women can claim more money to keep them in the lifestyle they are accustomed to then shouldn't the husband still get some pussy because afterall...he was accustomed to that lifestyle

uPtoWnNY said:

Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Now that's called ALIMONY, not child support!

You betta watch out, Richard, or your Honorary Vagina will be revoked!

littlemissG said:

I am so very very sorry! God be with you.....

The real tragedy in all ofthis is that the children have to suffer so much.

luv4u said:

thats part of what i was saying, that a woman can be the deadbeat parent too...

AnotherLoverToo said:

I feel butch today

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

sometimes you are so right on the money