I haven't been in work this week. I took a week off and have just loitered about at home really...

Anyway, the week before last, I saw somebody whom looked familiar at work, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Well, my cousin works in the same place as me and he phoned me today to say that he's seen this bloke called Barry working in our office as a temp and it's one of my prior one night stands. My cousin was out with me that night and had a bit of a psychotic episode, but that's another story.

I just can't believe that he's suddenly reappeared after three years. When I last saw him, he gave me a fake mobile number and said he'd call - but never did.

I'm not going to acknowledge him. It's just somebody else at work to avoid now. I already have an ex working there whom I try to avoid on a regular basis.

Ugh I hate when that happens. I knew this guy once who forgot we had a one night stand (that was god awful) and tries to pick me up when I would see him out. I always flirt back hard because I know it'll work him up...and I know we ain't going anywhere. He has no idea why. It's fun.

The worst of it is that, at the time I was really upset that he never called. I've seen him chatting in the smoke shed and he's the biggest identikit queen I've come across for a long time. I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot barge-pole now.

Okay, I'm gay but there's a certain level of "puffiness" I don't understand.

This really isn't about self-loathing or anything like that. It's more about how certain gay men feel the need to assimilate into a non-existent culture.

When I last saw him, he was obviously gay but now he's Gay with a capital "G", if you know what I mean. I feel like an imposter at times - not gay enough or something.

I just can't believe it's him. I mean, alarm bells rang in my head that I knew him from somewhere but his hair was a different colour; he's put on weight; his voice is another octave higher...

BinaryJustin said:

What's "gay enough"? or "straight enough" for that matter. There are different levels of "gayness" I think. From Straight acting, to slight fem, to super nelly to sweater fag. I like to think myself in the slightly fem category. You can tell I am gay...but I am not screaming FAG by the way I act. Many of my friends are similar. Sure we all have our flame outs every now and then. But I think it's just how you are and your influences around you and how comfortable you are with your sexuality and being yourself. It's all of these combined.

And trust me Non-Nelly is a good thing I can't stand going to most gay bars either because of the Flame factor or fake factor or the Preen factor. Though I live in San Francisco...I have the luxury of many different bars that I can go to that cater to my crowd. Also this city is filled with gay people, so one doesn't even need to go out to a bar to meet gay men.

BinaryJustin said:

what's an identikit queen?

IstenSzek said:

I imagine it's the look alike ambercrombie queens.

superspaceboy said:

I only have to go to the coffee machine at work, to see everybody I've ever slept with.

BinaryJustin said:

I'm sorry you have a coffee machine at work. Those things are nasty!