sometimes relationships just die a natural death. people drift apart. I find it's best not to push those.

Natsume said:

you're absolutely right... but what if its family or friends who are LIKE family and have been for many years?

I know the feeling hun

Natisse said:

For me, it depends on the reason we're drifting apart, which is not too hard to pinpoint when I actually sit down and think about it. Is it because we are moving in different directions in life, pursuing new and separate interests? Are we not as compatible as we used to be? Or are we just both independently busy?

If you really want to keep these friendships alive Nat, reach out to them and let them know you are there and still invested in the relationship. The rest is up to them. good luck and godspeed.

It's so easy to do nothing. I know from experience. I'm currently in contact with only 3 friends from back home, and that only involves the odd monthly e-mail. We're growing more and more apart as the months pass and I've taken the wrong attitude that if they don't keep in contact then nor do I, and so it all fades away. I have one real life friend as a consequence, or rather one person I can honestly call a friend who I see frequently and spend time with in person (other than family here, that is). You've got to take whatever measures you think are necessary to stop it.

Natsume said:

wise words... but it's kinda tricky when it comes to family as many of us know friendship is different because it's in the detail that you see the bigger picture so to speak and since I've left Australia I've REALLY learnt who is there for me in regard to my friends

in regards to family though thats where it's a different ballgame...

Ocean said:

Natisse said:

I find it easier with family. Outside the immediate family, I mean. I still feel very close with my aunts even though I don't see or speak to any of them much anymore. But when we get together it's like nothing ever changed. We are all busy and it's nice to understand that.

With my sisters, it's a different story. After I came back from London, I felt like the outsider. They had grown closer. Then my younger sister and I went to uni together for my last year and we grew closer. Now she's in Oregon and I'm closer to my older sister. With them, it's all about who's around, physically.

Moving to a different country is so very difficult to deal with, friends-wise.

Natsume said:

Ain't that the truth.

Natsume said:

see I knew you'd understand what I was trying to say distance is hard on ANY relationship at all... lately I've felt so cut off from everyone back home family included (and I mean immediate family too) it's had me really down lately and was amplified hugely on Sunday night UK time when I went to say hi on an Australian breakfast TV show that is filming live here for a week in London... not one of my family or friends watched it or even bothered to tape it not one! but Diva here was the one who saw me and actually taped it!! which is very very much a mark of her personality it's not a huge deal in the scheme of things but it really upset me because they all knew I was going to make the effort to go down there don't get me wrong I'm not basing this with the show thing but it did serve as an indication to me I must admit... I was feeling disconnected from them all before it though

Natisse said:

The other day I remarked to my older sister that it was almost like Emily (the younger sister) had never existed. And then my older sister said "well, that's how it was when you were in London." I was upset that I had drifted so far from them when I was away and it took me a long time to understand why. I've finally gotten back to a place where I feel good again, only to lose it again when I move away in December. But the way I look at it is that I will gain so much by going. London was such a positive place for me the first time around; I can't wait to see what it will do the second time. I know it will be good for me, so I take the weakened familial ties in stride. Plus, they are family. It's not impossible to grow close to them again; I just wonder if I will have to be physically close for it to happen.

I'm sorry that your friends/family didn't see you on TV. That must have hurt an awful lot. I'm sure they still love you and care about you. It's just different having someone close thousands and thousands of miles away. And they probably don't worry about you because you are doing well and having a good time. Which doesn't mean they're not THINKING about you; they're just not spending every moment fretting. It's much easier to accept the distance when you know the other person is doing awesome.

Tell me; do you know your plans for the long run? Are you planning on staying in London until 2007, as you mentioned before?

Natsume said:

I am hon, yep I plan to make the most of it in the UK while I have this visa because I will never get this opportunity again... I don't really want to stay in London the whole time I'm in the UK though I've also been thinking lately about moving on but I'm not sure

in regards to your sisters... I'm sorry you felt distant from them too I hope this time it doesn't happen and I hope you don't feel that distance

I agree with you about them being ok because they think I'm happy (and I am don't get me wrong) ...it would be a relief for them in a sense that they are told that I'm having a good time

Just got one thing to say to you sweetie

ellieadore said:

I love you so much honey LESS THAN 3 WEEKS!!!!!

Natisse said:

Am looking forward to it, seems like YEARS since we were all together.

ellieadore said:

over 3 months since Whitby:( can you believe that?

all relation"ships" ride the waves ...

they have cycles ( tides ) that bring them in closer and then take them out to sea ...sometimes for days, weeks, yrs and even forever

i learned a long time ago the fighting this natural cycle isnt the way thats best ( for me )

going with natures flow seems to make the tides not seem so strong

Mach said:

as always wise words ...thank you

Natisse said:

good thing to remind yourself and nice to see you had perspective before leaving

i think it's very important - but unfortunately rarely remembered - that human feelings are very fluid, and it's folly to presume that anyone is going to feel 100% the same way about everyone and everything without a moment of variation, 24/7/365. sometimes people fall out of love in relationships, and sometimes they fall back in love after they've had some time off. sometimes friends drift apart, and sometimes those friends realize they really need each other. and sometimes, well, people can just outgrow each other for good. it happens.

i don't know why, but it's extremely unfashionable to acknowledge the fluidity of our feelings for others. to me, it's extremely truthful and saves a lot of pain. but in society, it's more acceptable to assume people drift apart because they think themselves or the other person are just "bad people".

Right now I'm thinking about letting go of many things, also of certain parts of the so-called family-existence.....I've found out that it's too hard to bridge the gap and I need to move on! So the coming year is promising to be a very interesting-/different one....

ohh! distance between loved ones is very hard. and although you accepted all this b4 you left, doesn't mean you can't tell those that mean the most to you that it hurt your feelings. Like your brother for instance...call him up, tell him you miss him and when he says I miss you too...say well then why the hell didn't you watch for me on TV! in a half joking half serious kinda way, then tell him that it really hurt your feelings. Your family and friends LOVE you...don't ever tell yourself otherwise.

Aw, thats real sad Natisse




Dont worry, whatever happens is for the best, even if it seems like it hurts now, it will result in your happiness

trust me!

see you at the weekend

Awww Tisse. I feel bad cause i didn't get to see you on the show nowz!! I would have for sure- but i didnt realise what day and time it was happening and i've been here all kaffaffled with assignment and study work!! I hope you're not mad at me darlz!!

lilmissmissy said:

aww hon no!!!! how could I be mad at you? I'm not sweetie truly...I am however going to bed now because it's after 1am but I'll catch up with you very very soon ok?

Natisse said:

YAY!! I'm glad you're not darlz!! OKay rest up and we'll be sure 2 catch up very soonz! Gnite Tisse!!