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Printableretina said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: But that's the nature of male female relationships isn't it?  Always playing hero and damsel in distress.....You're definitely on to something there. If the genders were reversed in this case then everybody would say "She should kick the cheating bastard out!" and - if men could get pregnant - "The son of a bitch got himself pregnant too? Hang him!" 
[Edited 10/12/05 14:18pm]  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Ace said: mdiver said: That is what he said the first day it happened but with time he knows that he can not throw away and switch off his love for her despite the betrayal Anyone who still "loves" someone who was fucking someone else behind their back should address their self-esteem issues in therapy (and I'm not being facetious here). Mate try and have a little empathy here. I have been where he is now and it took me a long time to stop loving her too. If you are that cold then you have never truly given of yourself to another, true love is putting the other person first | |
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mdiver said: Ace said: Anyone who still "loves" someone who was fucking someone else behind their back should address their self-esteem issues in therapy (and I'm not being facetious here). Mate try and have a little empathy here. I have been where he is now and it took me a long time to stop loving her too. If you are that cold then you have never truly given of yourself to another, true love is putting the other person first But love should not be abusive and it sounds like it is on both sides..... What Ace said is a very relevant part to their sorting through this mess  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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retina said: bunch of stuff
Look, I totally hear what you're saying. I do. But all that is between his friend and the woman, not mdiver and his friend. He's just helpin the guy out. |
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mdiver said: Ace said: Anyone who still "loves" someone who was fucking someone else behind their back should address their self-esteem issues in therapy (and I'm not being facetious here). Mate try and have a little empathy here. I have been where he is now and it took me a long time to stop loving her too. If you are that cold then you have never truly given of yourself to another, true love is putting the other person first The reason it took you a long time to stop "loving" her was due to all the crap that is pumped into us by music, TV and film. You said it yourself: "true love is putting the other person first". Did either of these women put you guys first when they were cheating on you? Why would you "love" somebody who had so little respect for you? I'm not saying it is unnatural for him to feel that way (unfortunately), but that he'd be better off seeking therapy to see that it is foolish of him to feel that way. |
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CarrieMpls said: Look, I totally hear what you're saying. I do. But all that is between his friend and the woman, not mdiver and his friend. He's just helpin the guy out.
retina said: I think the best way of helping him is by strengthening him and supporting him with words, in this case the advice that she should look elsewhere first. If absolutely nothing comes out of it after she's made a real effort, then yeah, mdiver's and his friends friendship will be reason for him to help. But only if his friend is really sure that he wants to bow down in that way.
I guess we just have different ways of helping out. But I understand and respect your way of approaching it too. . | |
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Ace said: mdiver said: Mate try and have a little empathy here. I have been where he is now and it took me a long time to stop loving her too. If you are that cold then you have never truly given of yourself to another, true love is putting the other person first The reason it took you a long time to stop "loving" her was due to all the crap that is pumped into us by music, TV and film. You said it yourself: "true love is putting the other person first". Did either of these women put you guys first when they were cheating on you? Why would you "love" somebody who had so little respect for you? I'm not saying it is unnatural for him to feel that way (unfortunately), but that he'd be better off seeking therapy to see that it is foolish of him to feel that way. Okay mate whatever good work on the snap judgement, ihope you never find out what it feels like | |
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mdiver said: Ace said: The reason it took you a long time to stop "loving" her was due to all the crap that is pumped into us by music, TV and film. You said it yourself: "true love is putting the other person first". Did either of these women put you guys first when they were cheating on you? Why would you "love" somebody who had so little respect for you? I'm not saying it is unnatural for him to feel that way (unfortunately), but that he'd be better off seeking therapy to see that it is foolish of him to feel that way. Okay mate whatever good work on the snap judgement, ihope you never find out what it feels like I have a feeling he probably is speaking from experience. that's how most people learn, most aren't strong enough to take such a hardline first time round 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: mdiver said: Okay mate whatever good work on the snap judgement, ihope you never find out what it feels like I have a feeling he probably is speaking from experience. that's how most people learn, most aren't strong enough to take such a hardline first time round No, luckily I've never had that experience. But I've seen friends go through it and it's horrible. And, in the end, they always come to the realization that their "love" was misplaced. I say direct him to therapy now before he lets himself get further emotionally invested with this woman. |
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Ace said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: I have a feeling he probably is speaking from experience. that's how most people learn, most aren't strong enough to take such a hardline first time round No, luckily I've never had that experience. But I've seen friends go through it and it's horrible. And, in the end, they always come to the realization that their "love" was misplaced. I say direct him to therapy now before he lets himself get further emotionally invested with this woman. Bingo.....You are the same as i was before i went through it. I still appreciate your contribution. Thankyou [Edited 10/12/05 15:21pm] | |
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mdiver said: Ace said: No, luckily I've never had that experience. But I've seen friends go through it and it's horrible. And, in the end, they always come to the realization that their "love" was misplaced. I say direct him to therapy now before he lets himself get further emotionally invested with this woman. Bingo.....You are the same as i was before i went through it. I still appreciate your contribution. Thankyou [Edited 10/12/05 15:21pm] Just because I've never been in those shoes, does that mean I should suspend my rational thinking? I've already acknowledged that this will be difficult for him, but in the end it will be the best for him. Just because I've never been a drug addict, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't recommend to someone that they seek help for their drug addiction. I think we both want what's best for your friend and I just don't see staying with her as being that. |
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Ace said: mdiver said: Bingo.....You are the same as i was before i went through it. I still appreciate your contribution. Thankyou [Edited 10/12/05 15:21pm] Just because I've never been in those shoes, does that mean I should suspend my rational thinking? I've already acknowledged that this will be difficult for him, but in the end it will be the best for him. Just because I've never been a drug addict, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't recommend to someone that they seek help for their drug addiction. I think we both want what's best for your friend and I just don't see staying with her as being that. Of course you should not suspend your rational thinking but then again love is not just about rationality. All I am saying is that you have an opinion as yet inexperienced in the way it feels to go through this. I will take on board your thoughts and i hope you take on board mine | |
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