Ich wollte... ein Holzfäller sein! Ja, ein Holzfäller! Der von Baum zu Baum hüpft, die auf den mächtigen Wassern von Südtirol hinabschwimmen. Die gigantische Rotbuche! Die Lärche! Die Tanne! Die kräftige Kiefer! Der Duft von frisch gefälltem Holz! Das Geräusch der stürzenden mächtigen Bäume! An meiner Seite, mein liebes Mädel... Und wir würden singen, singen, singen...

Ich bin ein Holzfäller und fühl mich stark,
Ich schlaf des Nachts und hack am Tag.

Er ist ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark,
Er schläft des Nachts und hackt am Tag.

Ich fälle Bäume, ich ess mein Brot,
Ich geh auf das WC,
Am Mittwoch geh ich shopping,
Kau Kekse zum Kaffee.

Er fällt die Bäume, er isst sein Brot,
Er geht auf das WC,
Am Mittwoch geht er shopping,
Kaut Kekse zum Kaffee.

Ich bien (Er ist) ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark,
Ich (Er) schläft des Nachts und hackt am Tag.

Ich fälle Bäume und hüpf und spring,
Steck Blumen in die Vas'
Ich schlüpf in Frauenkleider
Und lümmel mich in Bars.

Er fällt die Bäume, er hüpft und springt,
Steckt Blumen in die Vas'
Er schlüpft in Frauenkleider
Und lümmelt sich in Bars...?

Ich bien (Er ist) ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark,
Ich (Er) schläft des Nachts und hackt am Tag.

Ich fälle Bäume, trag Stöckelschuh
Und Strumpf- und Büstenhalter.
Wär gern ein kleines Mädchen
So wie mein Onkel Walter.

Er fällt die Bäume, trägt Stöckelschuh
Und Strumpf- und Büstenhalter...?
...Wär gern ein kleines Mädchen
So wie mein Onkel Walter!



Music and Lyrics by: Michael Palin, Terry Jones & Fred Tomlinson
From 'Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus'

Dancelot said:

i've used that in my German class!

my favorite sketch of all time:



(Scene : A couple are seated at a table in a restaurant.)

Wife: It's nice here, isn't it?

Man: Oh, very good restaurant, three stars you know.

Wife: Really?

Man: Mmm...

Waiter: Good evening, sir! Good evening, madam! And may I say what a pleasure it is to see you here again, sir!

Man: Oh thank you. Well there you are dear. Have a look there, anything you like. The boeuf en croute is fantastic.

Waiter: Oh if I may suggest, sir ... the pheasant à la reine, the sauce is one of the chefs most famous creations.

Man: Em... that sounds good. Anyway just have a look... take your time. Oh, er by the way - got a bit of a dirty fork, could you ... er·.. get me another one?

Waiter: I beg your pardon.

Man: Oh it's nothing ... er, I've got a fork a little bit dirty. Could you get me another one? Thank you.

Waiter: Oh ... sir, 1 do apologize.

Man: Oh, no need to apologize, it doesn't worry me.

Waiter: Oh no, no, no, I do apologize. I will fetch the head waiter immediatement.

Man: Oh, there's no need to do that!

Waiter: Oh, no no... I'm sure the head waiter, he will want to apologize to you himself. I will fetch him at once.

Wife: Well, you certainly get good service here.

Man: They really look after you... yes.

Head Waiter: Excuse me monsieur and madame. (examines the fork) It's filthy, Gaston ... find out who washed this up, and give them their cards immediately.

Man: Oh, no, no.

Head Waiter: Better still, we can't afford to take any chances, sack the entire washing-up staff.

Man: No, look I don't want to make any trouble.

Head Waiter: Oh, no please, no trouble. It's quite right that you should point these kind of things out. Gaston, tell the manager what has happened immediately! (The Waiter runs off)

Man: Oh, no I don't want to cause any fuss.

Head Waiter: Please, it's no fuss. I quite simply wish to ensure that nothing interferes with your complete enjoyment of the meal.

Man: Oh I'm sure it won't, it was only a dirty fork.

Head Waiter: I know. And I'm sorry, bitterly sorry, but I know that... no apologies I can make can alter the fact that in our restaurant you have been given a dirty, filthy, smelly piece of cutlery...

Man: It wasn't smelly.

Head Waiter: It was smelly, and obscene and disgusting and I hate it, I hate it ,.. nasty, grubby, dirty, mingy, scrubby little fork. Oh ... oh . . . oh . . . (runs off in a passion as the manager comes to the table)

Manager: Good evening, sir, good evening, madam. I am the manager. I've only just heard . .. may I sit down?

Man: Yes, of course.

Manager: I want to apologize, humbly, deeply, and sincerely about the fork.

Man: Oh please, it's only a tiny bit... I couldn't see it.

Manager: Ah you're good kind fine people, for saying that, but I can see it.., to me it's like a mountain, a vast bowl of pus.

Man: It's not as bad as that.

Manager: It gets me here. I can't give you any excuses for it - there are no excuses. I've been meaning to spend more time in the restaurant recently, but I haven't been too well ,.. (emotionally) things aren't going very well back there. The poor cook's son has been put away again, and poor old Mrs Dalrymple who does the washing up can hardly move her poor fingers, and then there's Gilberto's war wound - but they're good people, and they're kind people, and together we were beginning to get over this dark patch ... there was light at the end of the tunnel . .. now this . .. now this...

Man: Can I get you some water?

Manager: (in tears) It's the end of the road!!

(The cook comes in; he is very big and comes a meat cleaver.)

Cook: (shouting) You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you've done to him! He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honourable Man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss. Oh... it makes me mad... mad! (slams cleaver into the table)

(The head waiter comes in and tries to restrain him. )

Head Waiter: Easy, Mungo, easy... Mungo... (clutches his head in agony) the war wound!... the wound... the wound...

Manager: This is the end! The end! Aaargh!! (stabs himself with the fork)

Cook: They've destroyed him! He's dead!! They killed him!!! (goes completely mad)

Head Waiter: (trying to restrain him) Mungo... never kill a customer. (in pain) Oh . .. the wound! The wound! (he and the cook fight furiously and fall over the table)

(On the Screen a Caption appears - 'AND NOW THE PUNCH-LINE')

Man: Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife...

HamsterHuey said:

HamsterHuey said:

lovely avatar

ALEXAdePARISintheSPRING said:

Well, thank you, Tinkerbell

HamsterHuey said:

American # 2.

Call me when its coming on PBS.

oh my god... how did you know i was singing this very song to myself just a few days ago???
ok... ok... how about...

Maitre D: And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

Mr Creosote: No.

Maitre D: Oh sir! It's only a tiny little thin one.

Mr Creosote: No. Fuck off - I'm full... [Belches]

Maitre D: Oh sir... it's only wafer thin.

Mr Creosote: Look - I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.