BinaryJustin said:

Your so called "friends" and no "friends" whatsoever, and they sound like a bunch of wankers themselves! With immature friends like that, you don't need enemies, that's for sure. I wouldn't even call them and if they call you, I wouldn't even acknowledge their existence, seriously, just hang up on them, cut them off, you don't need them poisoning your mind like that. As others have said, it's time to move on, and find some new friends. Joining some clubs for things that interest you (photography, art, or whatever) is a great way to meet new people who share the same interests as you and to make new friends. I'm sorry that this happened to you, you did not deserve it.
[Edited 9/26/05 11:38am]

I didn't go to work today. I'm probably going to get into trouble when I go in tomorrow. I couldn't sleep last night. It was about half-past three in the morning when I finally nodded off.

I hadn't used my wallet since that night, until this afternoon. I opened it and it was stuffed full of cigarette butts.

They've always ribbed me a little in the past, but they went into overdrive on Saturday.

I've deleted all their phone numbers from my mobile phone, so I'm not tempted to call them and tell them how bad I'm feeling.

Anji said:

Wow, what a bunch of fucks. If it was ME I'd kick their asses. But I'm aggressive, so I wouldn't reccomend that.

BinaryJustin said:

Best thing u could do : these "people" apparently don't even know that others can have feelings, too, so talking 2 them would have been useless

Oh man. You should seriously dump ALL of those people and realize that you don't need to be hanging around with people like that. Anyone who is even FRIENDS with other friends that "don't like queers" is not someone you want to be involved with anyway.

I know exactly what you mean about realizing that your friends aren't REALLY there for you, and don't really give a shit about you. I've been there with MANY of the so-called best girlfriends. I don't have contact with almost any of them anymore, and that's not because I haven't tried. They just all flaked out, got boyfriends, never call me back, etc. I realized that they aren't worth it and I'm sick of pursuing THEM, and tracking THEM down to keep in touch.

I was just thinking about this yesterday in fact, because I was going through my wedding photos from 7 years ago and realized that apart from my sisters, almost my entire wedding party are people who I have no contact with anymore. It sucks because I can't even look at my wedding photographs without feeling sad now.

Anyway, I'll be your friend though.


edit to say that I just saw that you deleted all their numbers from your mobile.
[Edited 9/26/05 13:12pm]

minneapolisgenius said:

Will you be my friend too??

heh heh

BinaryJustin said:

don't give them the pleasure... just walk away and forget those fuckers

jerseykrs2 said:

Sure.

minneapolisgenius said:

That's so sad. For me, it sort of feels like they've all died or something. They're not the people I once knew.

minneapolisgenius said:

Well, I love your avatar, so I think we'll get along just fine.

BinaryJustin said:

Yeah, it's as if they don't exist anymore or something.

And thanks about the avatar.

What it is...
To know the Way,
We go the Way
We do the Way
The way we do.
It's all there in front of you,
But if you try too hard to see it,
You'll only become Confused

I am me,
And you are you,
As you can see;
But when you do
The things that you can do,
You will find the Way,
And the Way will follow you.

- just a lil' lyric I thought of while reading this thread.

Justin, I am really sorry that things had to get so far out as they did before you realized that your "friends" weren't really your friends any more and that it had to end in anger.

I ditched some of my friends once. Then I became an activist in the local gay and lesbian organization and met new friends. Life goes on...

Sure, I occassionally think about the old friends and wonder if things could have turned out differently, and I always reach the same conclusion: "No. Because I am me and they are them and we just weren't compatible. And if we weren't compatible then, we most certainly wouldn't be now, either."

You'll find your Way, too. The journey may take a few years, but in the meantime, you got all your friends on the org to have fun with, right?


[Edited 9/26/05 13:59pm]

scififilmnerd said:

Thanks Michael. I spoke with Herman for the first time in months today too.

Don't feel too bad. Your so-called friends are utter asses.

It's hard though, isn't it? When we outgrow people... but there's always others. There will be others who won't jeer ar you and will be capable of offering a real friendship.

BinaryJustin said:

I hope it was a good talk.

It's almost been a year now since the three of us had our Ball with Pandoo, Metal, Nouveau and so on! And we had a really great time and then you basically stopped coming 'round. Here's hoping to see more of you on the org from now on.
[Edited 9/27/05 1:46am]

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

so so true ...and so so easy to forget indeed. hope you're ok Justin

I remember you posting your troubles last year, I'm sorry to read that things aren’t much better.

Muse's advice is much like I wrote last year, But now I think you need to be a bit more proactive, you should ditch these losers and move on, they will only drag you down further. I think on the thread last year we chatted about moving out of the area (Bolton was it?) take a fresh start.

London is scary, but a friendly place

You used to post some funny shit on here Justin, hang around the org a bit more

I understand this problem, getting stuck in a rut that you just fall into and maintain simply because of a label, 'friend'. People change and you find these people making you feel bad rather than good, but you stick with it because they're 'friends' and you once enjoyed their company. Friendship is not above scrutiny and reappraisal, and in my mind has to be earned and then maintained day to day. If you were to meet new people who treated you the way these people do you surely wouldn't want their friendship. It's somehow different when you've known someone as a friend for a while and given them that label. As a consequence you feel an absurd obligation which hinders your judgment and end up maintaining something that only makes you feel unhappy. You're already moving in the right direction judging by your posts, and in no small parts thanks to the wonderful advice others have given on this thread, so just move forward with conviction and better days will be yours soon enough.

Fauxie said:

I agree Fauxie ...some of my oldest friends are also the ones who have been the most destructive friendships too. It wasn't until I started meeting other people and making new friends that I realised it

Nomad said:

Good stuff!

Fauxie said:

U have friends here

I orgnoted you a few months ago about the same thing - obviously this is a situation that is not getting better for you. Honest BJ, try what I suggested - crazy as it sounds to you. Don't complain you have nobody, be somebody to someone who needs it and it will turn things around for you.

minneapolisgenius said:

That has happened to me too already, more than once. It sux, doesn't it? Just because a so-called "friend" has a boyfriend does not mean that they should ignore you and treat you like you're not worthy of being their friend anymore. It makes me realize that they probably were not really my friend to begin with. I've dumped several people who I thought were "friends" because of this. As you said, they are not fuckin worth it.

psychodelicide said:

Yes, yes, and yes.

I have since met some really great people who I now consider my real friends. I always have it in the back of my mind though that they will also leave me. I guess I will always be paranoid about that sort of thing, since it's been happening to me since grade school. I often wonder, "What in the hell is wrong with me? Why do people do this to me? I do EVERYTHING for these people!" and then I realize that that's part of the problem. I pick people who will happily walk all over me and let me put all the work into the friendship.

minneapolisgenius said:

Nothing's wrong with you. There's also a factor called natural evolution that figures in. Picture yourself as a the mainplayer in a tv-series - like Dynasty and Dallas. The cast around you keeps changing. Some part of you may want it to always be the same people that were in the first season, but sometimes storylines come to a close and new people must enter to keep it fresh.

It's a bit like "The all-new, all-different X-Men". Sometimes they change the line-up to keep things fresh and exciting. And sometimes one must do the same with the people that surround you in real-life.

I've had people who were in the periphery of my life move center stage - and best friends going to the periphery or disappearing altogether. A friendship circle is dynamic and constantly changing.

your account of your friend's sounds so extreme that it's hard to believe, sounds like the beginning of a movie where the main character is about to leave them all behind and go on a big adventure, then at the end of the movie he comes back and it is apparent that he has come out ahead

ufoclub said:

I actually felt like Hilary Swank in the movie 'Boys Don't Cry'.

I immediately felt better the moment I disposed of all their phone numbers. It doesn't sound like much, but it was a huge thing for me to do. I'm going to save money on my phone bills - so I guess that's a positive thing already.

It's just been a draining couple of years all around. The last few months especially. If I recounted the last six months' events, you really, really, really would think that I'd made it all up.

p.s. I really feel for all the other posters whom have said they've gone through similar things.

I always used to subscribe the adage that "Friends are the family you can choose". Maybe the fucking Manson Family in retrospect.

scififilmnerd said:

Good analogy.

In a way I'm glad things keep changing, because otherwise I would feel like I was stuck in a rut.