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PrintableMadameS said: Ace said: True, partners should work to improve their sex life together. But sometimes one wants something the other just isn't into.  That's where the challeges in a relationship come in at and will determine if your relationship can stand the test of time.I disagree. For example: what if a guy's really into getting blown and his wife just can't stand it? | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: That's where the challeges in a relationship come in at and will determine if your relationship can stand the test of time.I disagree. For example: what if a guy's really into getting blown and his wife just can't stand it? They're just going to have to work that out. | |
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MadameS said: Ace said: I disagree. For example: what if a guy's really into getting blown and his wife just can't stand it? They're just going to have to work that out. It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: They're just going to have to work that out. It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. Well, I will agree with you on that point that when comes down to sexual exploration that couples should discuss their sexual their sexual practices before entering marriage b/c sex is a part of a marriage but not the whole that holds it together. | |
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MadameS said: Ace said: It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. Well, I will agree with you on that point that when comes down to sexual exploration that couples should discuss their sexual their sexual practices before entering marriage b/c sex is a part of a marriage but not the whole that holds it together. Obviously it's not everything. But I don't think discussing it is enough. You've gotta get in there and test-drive. | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: Well, I will agree with you on that point that when comes down to sexual exploration that couples should discuss their sexual their sexual practices before entering marriage b/c sex is a part of a marriage but not the whole that holds it together. Obviously it's not everything. But I don't think discussing it is enough. You've gotta get in there and test-drive. Good sex alone is not going to hold a marriage together. Now, if that's the case there wouldn't be so many divorces. You have to be able to relate with the person inside the bedroom and out. | |
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MadameS said: Ace said: Obviously it's not everything. But I don't think discussing it is enough. You've gotta get in there and test-drive. Good sex alone is not going to hold a marriage together. Now, if that's the case there wouldn't be so many divorces. You have to be able to relate with the person inside the bedroom and out. I just acknowledged that. But you seem to be saying that simply discussing what your sex life will be like is enough before entering into marriage. | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: Good sex alone is not going to hold a marriage together. Now, if that's the case there wouldn't be so many divorces. You have to be able to relate with the person inside the bedroom and out. I just acknowledged that. But you seem to be saying that simply discussing what your sex life will be like is enough before entering into marriage. Ace you're tototally misunderstanding my point. What I'm saying is that you can test drive all you like but, at the end of the day if you don't have a damn thing in common with the person then marriage won't be worth a damn. [Edited 9/16/05 14:27pm] | |
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MadameS said: Ace said: I just acknowledged that. But you seem to be saying that simply discussing what your sex life will be like is enough before entering into marriage. Ace you're tototally misunderstanding my point. What I saying is that you can test drive all you like but, at the end of the day if you don't have a damn thing in common with the person that marriage won't be worth a damn. [Edited 9/16/05 14:22pm] No, I'm not misunderstanding that point at all (I've agreed with it twice now). But you seem to be stating that it's not necessary to sleep together before marriage and I'm disagreeing with you on that point. | |
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Ace said:[quote] MadameS said: Ace you're tototally misunderstanding my point. What I saying is that you can test drive all you like but, at the end of the day if you don't have a damn thing in common with the person that marriage won't be worth a damn. [Edited 9/16/05 14:22pm] [/quote But you seem to be stating that it's not necessary to sleep together before marriage and I'm disagreeing with you on that point. Ace, you're wrong. I am not saying that it's not necessary to sleep together before marriage so give it a rest. Actually, we are agreeing with each other and I think you are just getting off  trying to debate with me but that's alright.  [Edited 9/16/05 14:37pm] | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: They're just going to have to work that out. It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. What can't be worked out? Blowjobs, anal sex, role-playing, bondage, rough sex, titty fucking, etc should all be discussed before the marriage. There shouldn't be a trial and error period before marriage Based on what you're saying, if a couple is spritually and emotionally connected, but cannot agree or compromise on sex acts, they should just forget it? You're putting sex as the end all,be all...the deal breaker/maker. That's acinine to me [Edited 9/16/05 19:44pm] | |
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Janfriend said: Ace said: It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. What can't be worked out? Blowjobs, anal sex, role-playing, bondage, rough sex, titty fucking, etc should all be discussed before the marriage. There shouldn't be a trial and error period before marriage Based on what you're saying, if a couple is spritually and emotionally connected, but cannot agree or compromise on sex acts, they should just forget it? You're putting sex as the end all,be all...the deal breaker/maker. That's acinine to me [Edited 9/16/05 19:44pm]  Very Well Said Jan. Finally, there's a voice reason. | |
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its just plain silly in my opinion.
i'm not going to buy a car without test driving first or a house sight unseen. therefore i would not get married to someone unless i was sure i was sexually compatable first. sex may not be the deal maker or breaker but to some it IS very important. i may have a good emotional connection to someone but if the sex is lousy then i'm not going to stay with him. i am very adventurous and if he can't keep up then he can't keep me. and just to add further comments since i have now read the posts entirely...i don't sleep with just anyone...i HAVE to have the emotional connection first. sometimes it turns into fantastic longterm relationships and sometimes it doesn't. but i agree with Ace...the chemistry has to be present as well. there are many things that can't be worked out.  [Edited 9/16/05 22:17pm] you're only as old as you feel..............so how old do i feel 
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. | |
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Ace said: Janfriend said: Just because it's wack doesn't mean it will stay wack. You should be working together as a couple to have a better sex life. You don't just take it as it is. If you do, what does that say about you? True, partners should work to improve their sex life together. But sometimes one wants something the other just isn't into. In other words, the "chili dog". | |
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MadameS said: CalhounSq said: I think it's worth it to find out if you're sexually compatible w/ your mate.
 Ok. I can see your point. But at the same time, there are couples that are sexual compatible and still end up divorce b/c one of partners ends up fucking up the marriage. I guess if a couple even stays married I guess its just a matter of compatiability all the way around not only in the bedroom but out as well.I'm not saying sexual compatibility is the key to staying together  It just helps an already difficult challenge (keeping a marriage alive)...  I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Janfriend said: CalhounSq said: I think it's a good way to gamble on your marriage
 Being married is hard enough - add a whack sex life to it & the shit is surely doomed. I think it's worth it to find out if you're sexually compatible w/ your mate. Who needs to add sexual frustration to the list of shit to work on?  Just because it's wack doesn't mean it will stay wack. You should be working together as a couple to have a better sex life. You don't just take it as it is. If you do, what does that say about you? TRUE... but sometimes the shit just doesn't mesh. It may get better, it may not. People want what they want & ultimately if you're not satisfied your mind will wander first & your body will likely follow IMO... I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: They're just going to have to work that out. It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Janfriend said: Ace said: It's just an example, but there are things that cannot be worked-out. Have you ever read Dan Savage's column? I've read letters there where relationships have cracked because one wants something the other just refuses to provide. Sometimes "work(ing) that out" is impossible. Sex is important in a relationship and, IMHO, it is absolute insanity to enter into a marriage without seeing where you stand on that level. What can't be worked out? Blowjobs, anal sex, role-playing, bondage, rough sex, titty fucking, etc should all be discussed before the marriage. There shouldn't be a trial and error period before marriage Based on what you're saying, if a couple is spritually and emotionally connected, but cannot agree or compromise on sex acts, they should just forget it? You're putting sex as the end all,be all...the deal breaker/maker. That's acinine to me [Edited 9/16/05 19:44pm] I see your point Jan
If you talk out every single point then I suppose you could enter marriage blind to the reality of sex w/ that person... I'm not sure I could talk about all that & STILL wait until marriage though  By the time I'd even consider marrying someone I'd have to know them extremely well, have a deep & solid emotional connection to them & have been with them for a minimum of 2 years (those are just MY parameters). Given that, I doubt I could sit up w/ a muufucka for 2 years wondering what it's like to fuck him - I'm strong but not THAT strong, good God  
. [Edited 9/17/05 0:53am] I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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lillith said: its just plain silly in my opinion.
i'm not going to buy a car without test driving first or a house sight unseen. therefore i would not get married to someone unless i was sure i was sexually compatable first. sex may not be the deal maker or breaker but to some it IS very important. i may have a good emotional connection to someone but if the sex is lousy then i'm not going to stay with him. i am very adventurous and if he can't keep up then he can't keep me. and just to add further comments since i have now read the posts entirely...i don't sleep with just anyone...i HAVE to have the emotional connection first. sometimes it turns into fantastic longterm relationships and sometimes it doesn't. but i agree with Ace...the chemistry has to be present as well. there are many things that can't be worked out.
[Edited 9/16/05 22:17pm] I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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CalhounSq said: Janfriend said: Just because it's wack doesn't mean it will stay wack. You should be working together as a couple to have a better sex life. You don't just take it as it is. If you do, what does that say about you? TRUE... but sometimes the shit just doesn't mesh. It may get better, it may not. People want what they want & ultimately if you're not satisfied your mind will wander first & your body will likely follow IMO... If someone wanders like that it sounds like they are weak and give up easily and shouldn't be in a mature realationship in the first place | |
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lillith said: its just plain silly in my opinion.
i'm not going to buy a car without test driving first or a house sight unseen. therefore i would not get married to someone unless i was sure i was sexually compatable first. sex may not be the deal maker or breaker but to some it IS very important. i may have a good emotional connection to someone but if the sex is lousy then i'm not going to stay with him. i am very adventurous and if he can't keep up then he can't keep me. and just to add further comments since i have now read the posts entirely...i don't sleep with just anyone...i HAVE to have the emotional connection first. sometimes it turns into fantastic longterm relationships and sometimes it doesn't. but i agree with Ace...the chemistry has to be present as well. there are many things that can't be worked out.
[Edited 9/16/05 22:17pm] Sound like you're a quitter | |
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CalhounSq said: MadameS said: Ok. I can see your point. But at the same time, there are couples that are sexual compatible and still end up divorce b/c one of partners ends up fucking up the marriage. I guess if a couple even stays married I guess its just a matter of compatiability all the way around not only in the bedroom but out as well.I'm not saying sexual compatibility is the key to staying together It just helps an already difficult challenge (keeping a marriage alive)...So, it's ok to be in a shitty relationship if the sex is great? | |
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Ace said: MadameS said: Ace you're tototally misunderstanding my point. What I saying is that you can test drive all you like but, at the end of the day if you don't have a damn thing in common with the person that marriage won't be worth a damn. [Edited 9/16/05 14:22pm] No, I'm not misunderstanding that point at all (I've agreed with it twice now). But you seem to be stating that it's not necessary to sleep together before marriage and I'm disagreeing with you on that point. And I'm with you alllll the way Ace Sex is very important to a relationship. Let's not even kid ourselves. I think waiting until marriage before sex is a sick practical joke that people, primarily women, have been conned into accepting.
There is this dance between women and men and the women want to acknowledge their sexual desires and needs but society has conditioned them to believe themselves to be dirty sluts for wanting what all people want, sexual fulfillment. And men who perpetuate the "slut" image are only reaping the fruits of their wretched labor by having to indulge in these games. I'm watchnig this dating show which follows around single women looking for love on the internet and there is this one woman who had sex with a guy one week in. She couldn't contain herself around this guy. And she was pretty forward about it. She ended up breaking it off because she didn't want sex to be the focus of the relationship. So she gave sex a chance but did not cultivate any type of relationship. Then the next guy she dated she actually got offended that he put the moves on her and was upset that he was moving too fast.  So now she's giving the relationship a chance but not the sex. What is wrong with giving both a chance?
There is this other girl on the show that dated a guy 5 times and never even gave him a kiss. She kept talking "values" and "marriage" and "ethics" and "faith" and the one thing that became clear is that she was a victim of the mania that society creates around the issue of pre-marital sex. It was just ridiculous. So I definitely believe that people should explore their sexuality before committing to a marriage. Especially if you believe in marriage for life. Sexuality is very important for relationship fulfillment. Nobody is saying that a relationship should only be about sex but good lord, why get married if you're not going to have a happy sex life. Isn't that what friendship is for? Anyway, ladies don't listen to the "slut" rhetoric and men, if you label women as sluts, you deserve all the games you gotta play to get some ass 
. [Edited 9/19/05 11:25am] 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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I don't think it is too wise to wait to have sex until after you are married. What if the woman is lousy in bed? Then what? You are stuck with her or you have to go to ther tourble of having to get a divorce. You should sleep with her first before you marry her. The if she is lousy then you just don't have deal with her anymore. | |
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Janfriend said: CalhounSq said: TRUE... but sometimes the shit just doesn't mesh. It may get better, it may not. People want what they want & ultimately if you're not satisfied your mind will wander first & your body will likely follow IMO... If someone wanders like that it sounds like they are weak and give up easily and shouldn't be in a mature realationship in the first place Okay Jan, all it how you see it I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Janfriend said: CalhounSq said: I'm not saying sexual compatibility is the key to staying together It just helps an already difficult challenge (keeping a marriage alive)...So, it's ok to be in a shitty relationship if the sex is great? WHO said that?? Not me No, the relationship won't survive if only the sex is great & everything else sucks I'm just saying sex is a very important ingredient to a relationship. & just like I'm not gonna leap into marriage until I find out what kind of person he is, I'm not leaping in until I find out what the sex is gonna be like for the rest of my days.
Let's be honest - how successful is marriage anyway? Not very, so why get into one w/ a big ass question mark hanging over it? It just doesn't make sense. Waiting for marriage before you have sex is for idealists IMO... or people who think any sex is good sex
. [Edited 9/19/05 12:09pm] I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: So I definitely believe that people should explore their sexuality before committing to a marriage. Especially if you believe in marriage for life. Sexuality is very important for relationship fulfillment. Nobody is saying that a relationship should only be about sex but good lord, why get married if you're not going to have a happy sex life. Isn't that what friendship is for? Anyway, ladies don't listen to the "slut" rhetoric and men, if you label women as sluts, you deserve all the games you gotta play to get some ass
I love you  I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Janfriend said: lillith said: its just plain silly in my opinion.
i'm not going to buy a car without test driving first or a house sight unseen. therefore i would not get married to someone unless i was sure i was sexually compatable first. sex may not be the deal maker or breaker but to some it IS very important. i may have a good emotional connection to someone but if the sex is lousy then i'm not going to stay with him. i am very adventurous and if he can't keep up then he can't keep me. and just to add further comments since i have now read the posts entirely...i don't sleep with just anyone...i HAVE to have the emotional connection first. sometimes it turns into fantastic longterm relationships and sometimes it doesn't. but i agree with Ace...the chemistry has to be present as well. there are many things that can't be worked out.
[Edited 9/16/05 22:17pm] Sound like you're a quitter quitter...no. just realistic. you're only as old as you feel..............so how old do i feel
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. | |
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Ace said: From Bill Maher's New Rules:
New Rule: Abstinence pledges make you horny.
In a setback for the morals/values crowd, a new eight-year study just released reveals that American teenagers who take virginity pledges wind up with just as many STD's as the other kids. But that's not all. "Taking the pledge" also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and four times more likely to allow anal. Which leads me to an important question: Where were these pledges when I was in high school? Seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse, were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn-star sex the same year I took Algebra 2 simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd have been so down with Jesus, they would have had to pry me out of the pew. And, let me tell you, there is a lot worse things than teenagers having sex. Namely, teenagers not having sex. Here is something you'll never hear: "That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex! Nonstop! All that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened!" But among the puritans here of the 21st century, the less said to kids about sex, the better. Because people who talk about peepees are "potty-mouths." And so, armed with limited knowledge and believing regular, vaginal intercourse to be either immaculate or filthy dirty - these kids did with their pledge what everybody does with contracts: they found loopholes. Two of them, to be exact. Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. And then I'll blow you." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.
I love Bill Maher! [Edited 9/19/05 13:02pm] | |
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From Bill Maher's New Rules:
Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. And then I'll blow you." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.
I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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