damn -


i AM old
[Edited 9/5/05 9:51am]

Happy Birthday

EvilGreenAlien said:

its not time yet dont rush it .... its comming soon enough

what?

luv4u said:

dont mind me, im so old, i cant even count right

nakedpianoplayer said:

Are you 115? you might be able to get in the World Record Book.

lets lighten my mood with some age jokes


i'll start


sure hope this helps....




#1
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."

Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"

Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."


#2
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"


#3
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

Moving to Music: Non Prince

TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES



10. Musical Recliners

9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

8. Hide and Go Pee

7. Simon Says Something Incoherent

6. Doc, Doc Goose

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over

4. Kick the Bucket

3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear

2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

1. Sag, You're It!

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."


*****


The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.


*****


A family was supposed to stay the night at a hotel, but there was a screw-up with the rooms, so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old Grandson. In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted: "Quick! Get me a woman! Fast!!"

The grandson moaned: "Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, its three o'clock in the morning, and you'll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you're 82 years old, and third, that's MY dick you're holding... not yours."


*****


God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.


*****


An old man goes to the doctor to ask him an important question.

"Doctor, when I was in my 20's, it took both of my hands to push down my hard-on. When I was in my 30's, it took one hand to push down my hard-on. When I was in my 50's, it took three fingers to push down my hard-on. Now that I'm in my 60's, it only takes one finger to push down on my hard-on! So what I'm basically trying to ask you is? How strong am I going to get?"


*****



Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."

The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."

The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

nakedpianoplayer said:

I can't believe you said that! She's going to kill you!

EvilGreenAlien said:

nakedpianoplayer said:

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT GAME LIST! I'M GOING TO USE A COUPLE OF THESE GAMES AT MY SISTER'S 50TH BLOW-OUT. MAN, SHE'S GONNA BE PISSED!

Hopefully, with age comes wisdom...

Two bulls (one young, one mature) are standing on a grassy knoll, overlooking a herd of Guernseys.

Young bull: Let's run down and f*ck one of those cows.
Mature bull: No, let's walk down and f*ck 'em all.



tA

Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431

Oh wait.....here you go

theAudience said:

love that one

AdamB said:

ohhhhh adam

you remembered the





thats sweet of ya

I always remember

Its seedless to

AdamB said:

awwwww what a sweetheart !!!

NPP, you aren't that old, damn.

I am older than you..... and I don't act like I am teetering on the edge of AARP.




what, you will be 36? THE HORROR!!!!!

hehehehhehehehhehehee

bluesbaby said:

its worse blues....

i'll be 35

i've been preparing for a year for this day, but, now, i think i dont want to be 35

then I am old


you can DO IT!!!!!


I actually liked 35.....

nakedpianoplayer said:

And you're always meeting new people.

nakedpianoplayer said:

I liked you

38 here and happy with it on a good day

Illustrator said: