Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I think most people rush in2 relationships cuz they dont want 2 B alone or just 2 have some1 by their side all the time. 2 call somebody on the phone. 2 B Somebody's Somebody U know.

Rinluv said:

Perhaps, you may have a point. Your perspective on relationships is applicable in some instances.

I think most people jump in b/c it feels good @ first & it's exciting. Logic goes out the fucking window I only did that w/ my very first relationship, was more of a thinker after that. But even when you rationalize something & intend to keep it casual, your feelings can still fuck up your plan The last time I tried to elevate the "casual" to "serious", it was a long, drawn out & felt more lonely than being alone. If I don't truly connect w/ somebody, I'm better off by my damn self

Rinluv said:

AGREED, they're a mess if they don't have somebody... anybody... it's pretty sad IMO...

and in the end your turns into
[Edited 8/30/05 6:05am]

My wife and I were immediately attracted to one another but we found a connection first and became friends before a relationship started.
We dated for almost three years and have been very happily married for eight.
There is no perfect science, though. Even though we did a lot of things right, I still feel very fortunate.

Mach said:

??...Go further, please.

Byron said:

you say the most sensual things

i wasnt really expressing how i feel most go into relationships, but more so how i try to enter into new relationships, which i have found i dont seek out in an active manner but the energy connections just naturally happen

it's an active cycle
there is ( and should be balanced between the two ) the communicator and recipient ... each person taking the role of one or the other and sometimes both at the same time

i think expectations should be checked at the door with your coat and hat ...why limit a relationship with them

messages arnt just sent via spoken/written words
nor are they received in only that fashion ...


What do you think motivates most of us to want to start a relationship??...

i am working on that idea ... but relationship is a very large arena for very different ideas of what one is , they types of ... and the desire for each type

connections in general in our human experience are a type of fule

what type of fule and what it's fules is so very different for most of us

the best relationships i have in my life teach me great things about myself
some wonderful and some very painful ... relationship can be a type of mirror

Byron said:

Agreed, agreed, and agreed. Every relationship I've had falls into one of those categories.

Mach said:

Beautiful response...

And I fully agree with what you said about relationships teaching us things about ourselves...or perhaps a better way for me to express my views is to say the purpose of relationships is to give us the opportunity to be our better selves in relation to another person. We can pontificate all we want about who we are and how wonderful we are...but until that view we hold of ourselves is put into practice in the form of a relationship, it's just a concept. Experience makes it a reality. Whether or not we take advantage of that opportunity, of course, is another question. Most of the time we don't, and then blame the person or the relationship for our not doing so.

There is no such thing as a relationship which keeps you from being your better self...so I'd disagree with you slightly and say that every relationship, not just the best ones, have (or should have) taught you great things about yourself...both good and bad.

Byron said:

my meaning of best wasnt meant as the best/happy/good

some of my best relationships were exactly the oppisit

abusive/bad/unhealthy ... but still in my eyes seen as some of the best relationships i have had, because they taught me so very much

Once im dating someone for a while, i tend to feel like this:

Mach said:

I know, hun...I just meant that each relationship should ideally teach us so very much, not just some of them. *smile*...How much a relationship "teaches" us probably reflects more on us than it does on the relationship.
[Edited 8/30/05 9:32am]

cinnamonjo said:

I take it that's not good...

Byron said:

Oh




i agree

when i enter 1, though... its like this:



New, and natural and bright-- mysterious. So much to see and witness.

So in a sense, i guess im acting like this:

Most do this:



Some older and wiser do this:



Most do this:





We are conditioned to believe that not having a romantic partner means you are somehow a failure. We also like to fuck.

Ace said:

Is it really wiser, though, to base being in a relationship upon what "makes sense"??...Maybe because I've tried it and felt an emptiness that logic just could not "explain" away, telling myself "I should be happy right now"...

What motivates us? Loneliness, sex drive or just the plain need to be around a friend who cares about us unconditionally.

It's funny because I've been thinking about this a lot recently. After years of being alone, the natural instinct is to jump on the first person who shows an interest in you. This rushing into a relationship shit has got to stop as far as I'm concerned. The best relationships I've been in were ones that developed out of friendship. The only hard part is not kissing, or at least trying to control the kissing so it doesn't go anywhere but that's impossible.

Byron said:

Well, of course there has to be physical attraction, too. The key word is "too". A lot of people will rationalize away very apparent problems in their relationship because they like the outer package.

Ace said:

Well, I don't think the emptiness would have been filled by physical attraction, because in my case she was physically attractive to me...but I agree with everything else you said.