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I Bet He Won't Steal Again... 
  Much Love to you Mom!Now whose flat top rules in '89? - Big Daddy Kane | |
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Now THAT'S tough love. RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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You go mom! Raise him well! | |
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While I appreciate the intent, that might end up doing more harm than good...  | |
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(That is tough to see... but I applaud solid parenting!) | |
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Byron said: While I appreciate the intent, that might end up doing more harm than good...
I'm kinda feeling the same thing. Parenting through humiliation? Doesn't sound like a good idea... but then, I'm not a parent. |
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Byron said: While I appreciate the intent, that might end up doing more harm than good...
Passive parenting won't improve things. | |
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Muse2NOPharaoh said: Byron said: While I appreciate the intent, that might end up doing more harm than good...
Passive parenting won't improve things. It doesn't have to be "passive parenting" or this, tho...and I'm not too up on having a 13 year old boy be made to publicly degrade his father, even if his father's in jail. The psyche of a boy that age, especially when it concerns his father (no matter how great or rotten his father is), can cause a lot of psychological damage that'll last years. You think this kid's not gonna steal anymore simply out of fear of embarassment? Wait till he's 16, 5 inches taller and muscular. He won't be holding anyone's sign. | |
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CarrieMpls said: Byron said: While I appreciate the intent, that might end up doing more harm than good...
I'm kinda feeling the same thing. Parenting through humiliation? Doesn't sound like a good idea... but then, I'm not a parent. It's not a good idea...so many better ways to deal with it.  | |
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Byron said: CarrieMpls said: I'm kinda feeling the same thing. Parenting through humiliation? Doesn't sound like a good idea... but then, I'm not a parent. It's not a good idea...so many better ways to deal with it. I agree with you Byron. | |
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Do remember every child is different.
My mother once spanked me in front of the whole family for tampering with a birds nest she had ordered us to leave alone. The whole group committed the crime but I did the time. Later she took me to the side and said now did I embarrass you? I retorted yesssss  She replied good! You embarrassed me! Do not embarassed me... DO not embarass me and I will not embarass you!
I went on to complain that the others stood around and watched as I was punished (Which I thought was crap) and they werent punished either (Their parents also sttod and watched) She said she was not accountable for their actions but for mine. That I need to be accountable for my actions and not theres. Its a good life lesson and one I better understand now. FACT: The cousins have all gone to my mother and stated they wish desperatly their parents would have been like her. My closest cousins wish she was there mother. They feel they would have acieved more sooner. I thank her as I have the courage to be my own person and never followed the crowd. At the same time, my sister she would NEVER have handled the same way as she isn't hard headed and a stern look would have reduced her to a pile of tears! Knowing you Carrie.... You would be easy to correct and guide. I certainly never would have used that approach with you. Byron.... I would have stayed up all night lechturing you.  | |
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Byron said: I'm not too up on having a 13 year old boy be made to publicly degrade his father
Yeah, that part kinda bothered me, too. |
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WOW, Mom is serious It's good & not so good, but I'm glad she's paying attention. Hopefully he'll take the positive side of this lesson.    I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Ace said: Byron said: I'm not too up on having a 13 year old boy be made to publicly degrade his father
Yeah, that part kinda bothered me, too. I do agree with that part... Which appears to have been added in . That she could just have spoken to him about. I am certain she fears the path he is on. We are left to assume she knows the personality style of the child. I support the first part and not the seconed! | |
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Ace said: Byron said: I'm not too up on having a 13 year old boy be made to publicly degrade his father
Yeah, that part kinda bothered me, too. I guess I can see that, they could have stopped it at "prison" (notice the last part is tacked on in a different color ink ) But the fact that he has a personal example in his life of what not to do is real. The comment probably comes more from the mother's anger though, and that's real too. If the father is rightfully in prison he obviously risked the welfare of his family by committing a crime - how real is that? I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Muse2NOPharaoh said: Do remember every child is different.
My mother once spanked me in front of the whole family for tampering with a birds nest she had ordered us to leave alone. The whole group committed the crime but I did the time. Later she took me to the side and said now did I embarrass you? I retorted yesssss She replied good! You embarrassed me! Do not embarassed me... DO not embarass me and I will not embarass you!
I went on to complain that the others stood around and watched as I was punished (Which I thought was crap) and they werent punished either (Their parents also sttod and watched) She said she was not accountable for their actions but for mine. That I need to be accountable for my actions and not theres. Its a good life lesson and one I better understand now. FACT: The cousins have all gone to my mother and stated they wish desperatly their parents would have been like her. My closest cousins wish she was there mother. They feel they would have acieved more sooner. I thank her as I have the courage to be my own person and never followed the crowd. At the same time, my sister she would NEVER have handled the same way as she isn't hard headed and a stern look would have reduced her to a pile of tears! Knowing you Carrie.... You would be easy to correct and guide. I certainly never would have used that approach with you. Byron.... I would have stayed up all night lechturing you. ...And you probably would have walked away from it exhausted and questioning whether or not you were right to spank me..lol 
But seriously, tho...I think there's a difference between spanking a little girl, and making a budding teenage boy stand in the street humiliating himself and talking in a degrading way about his father. It's not unusual for boys his age who don't have a father in their lives to turn to things like gangs just in order to have a sense of belonging, of family...of male support...as well as to deal with their own issues when entering puberty and the very beginnings of manhood. There are so many other things to consider other than the immediate... | |
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Byron said: Muse2NOPharaoh said: Do remember every child is different.
My mother once spanked me in front of the whole family for tampering with a birds nest she had ordered us to leave alone. The whole group committed the crime but I did the time. Later she took me to the side and said now did I embarrass you? I retorted yesssss She replied good! You embarrassed me! Do not embarassed me... DO not embarass me and I will not embarass you!
I went on to complain that the others stood around and watched as I was punished (Which I thought was crap) and they werent punished either (Their parents also sttod and watched) She said she was not accountable for their actions but for mine. That I need to be accountable for my actions and not theres. Its a good life lesson and one I better understand now. FACT: The cousins have all gone to my mother and stated they wish desperatly their parents would have been like her. My closest cousins wish she was there mother. They feel they would have acieved more sooner. I thank her as I have the courage to be my own person and never followed the crowd. At the same time, my sister she would NEVER have handled the same way as she isn't hard headed and a stern look would have reduced her to a pile of tears! Knowing you Carrie.... You would be easy to correct and guide. I certainly never would have used that approach with you. Byron.... I would have stayed up all night lechturing you. ...And you probably would have walked away from it exhausted and questioning whether or not you were right to spank me..lol
But seriously, tho...I think there's a difference between spanking a little girl, and making a budding teenage boy stand in the street humiliating himself and talking in a degrading way about his father. It's not unusual for boys his age who don't have a father in their lives to turn to things like gangs just in order to have a sense of belonging, of family...of male support...as well as to deal with their own issues when entering puberty and the very beginnings of manhood. There are so many other things to consider other than the immediate... You are right ... we each are coming at this from the parenting style we needed.  Now I am off to take Anthony to the water park! | |
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Muse2NOPharaoh said: Byron said: ...And you probably would have walked away from it exhausted and questioning whether or not you were right to spank me..lol
But seriously, tho...I think there's a difference between spanking a little girl, and making a budding teenage boy stand in the street humiliating himself and talking in a degrading way about his father. It's not unusual for boys his age who don't have a father in their lives to turn to things like gangs just in order to have a sense of belonging, of family...of male support...as well as to deal with their own issues when entering puberty and the very beginnings of manhood. There are so many other things to consider other than the immediate... You are right ... we each are coming at this from the parenting style we needed. Now I am off to take Anthony to the water park!Indeed..*smile*
Have fun!!  | |
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Byron said: Muse2NOPharaoh said: Do remember every child is different.
My mother once spanked me in front of the whole family for tampering with a birds nest she had ordered us to leave alone. The whole group committed the crime but I did the time. Later she took me to the side and said now did I embarrass you? I retorted yesssss She replied good! You embarrassed me! Do not embarassed me... DO not embarass me and I will not embarass you!
I went on to complain that the others stood around and watched as I was punished (Which I thought was crap) and they werent punished either (Their parents also sttod and watched) She said she was not accountable for their actions but for mine. That I need to be accountable for my actions and not theres. Its a good life lesson and one I better understand now. FACT: The cousins have all gone to my mother and stated they wish desperatly their parents would have been like her. My closest cousins wish she was there mother. They feel they would have acieved more sooner. I thank her as I have the courage to be my own person and never followed the crowd. At the same time, my sister she would NEVER have handled the same way as she isn't hard headed and a stern look would have reduced her to a pile of tears! Knowing you Carrie.... You would be easy to correct and guide. I certainly never would have used that approach with you. Byron.... I would have stayed up all night lechturing you. ...And you probably would have walked away from it exhausted and questioning whether or not you were right to spank me..lol
But seriously, tho...I think there's a difference between spanking a little girl, and making a budding teenage boy stand in the street humiliating himself and talking in a degrading way about his father. It's not unusual for boys his age who don't have a father in their lives to turn to things like gangs just in order to have a sense of belonging, of family...of male support...as well as to deal with their own issues when entering puberty and the very beginnings of manhood. There are so many other things to consider other than the immediate... Of course its not unusual but obviously she is trying to break that cycle his father or probably his father's father has created. One thing many children in this country do not have in their lives is fear of consequences. Many parents sees a child doing something wrong or the child gets in trouble and quickly they respond with, "They're just a child they'll grow out of it" or "It's just a phase they're going through". If parents don't nip the issue in the bud right then are there, these kids will think they can get away with anything and everything. Now whose flat top rules in '89? - Big Daddy Kane | |
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DeepChic said: Byron said: ...And you probably would have walked away from it exhausted and questioning whether or not you were right to spank me..lol
But seriously, tho...I think there's a difference between spanking a little girl, and making a budding teenage boy stand in the street humiliating himself and talking in a degrading way about his father. It's not unusual for boys his age who don't have a father in their lives to turn to things like gangs just in order to have a sense of belonging, of family...of male support...as well as to deal with their own issues when entering puberty and the very beginnings of manhood. There are so many other things to consider other than the immediate... Of course its not unusual but obviously she is trying to break that cycle his father or probably his father's father has created. One thing many children in this country do not have in their lives is fear of consequences. Many parents sees a child doing something wrong or the child gets in trouble and quickly they respond with, "They're just a child they'll grow out of it" or "It's just a phase they're going through". If parents don't nip the issue in the bud right then are there, these kids will think they can get away with anything and everything. I think, though, that you have to move beyond merely the fear of consequences once your child enters their teen years...when they're 6 or 7, utilizing the fear of consequences as a deterrent is warranted, because a 6 year old won't grasp the concepts of responsibility, strength of character and ramifications years down the road. But once they're this kid's age, you hopefully have already started down that path of talking about why doing the right thing is reward in and of itself...the positives that action brings to a person's life, both spiritually and emotionally...how it manifests itself in Life years down the road, even if they don't see it immediately. Teenagers are naturally starting to figure out "life" on their own, without their parents' help...if the parent concentrates solely on fear of consequences, their teenage children will simply try and find a way to convince themselves that they can get away with "whatever", thus avoiding consequences. Better to continue promoting that doing the right thing is always the choice to make, even IF they can get away with doing the wrong thing. | |
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Byron said: DeepChic said: Of course its not unusual but obviously she is trying to break that cycle his father or probably his father's father has created. One thing many children in this country do not have in their lives is fear of consequences. Many parents sees a child doing something wrong or the child gets in trouble and quickly they respond with, "They're just a child they'll grow out of it" or "It's just a phase they're going through". If parents don't nip the issue in the bud right then are there, these kids will think they can get away with anything and everything. I think, though, that you have to move beyond merely the fear of consequences once your child enters their teen years...when they're 6 or 7, utilizing the fear of consequences as a deterrent is warranted, because a 6 year old won't grasp the concepts of responsibility, strength of character and ramifications years down the road. But once they're this kid's age, you hopefully have already started down that path of talking about why doing the right thing is reward in and of itself...the positives that action brings to a person's life, both spiritually and emotionally...how it manifests itself in Life years down the road, even if they don't see it immediately. Teenagers are naturally starting to figure out "life" on their own, without their parents' help...if the parent concentrates solely on fear of consequences, their teenage children will simply try and find a way to convince themselves that they can get away with "whatever", thus avoiding consequences. Better to continue promoting that doing the right thing is always the choice to make, even IF they can get away with doing the wrong thing. I think, though, that you have to move beyond merely the fear of consequences once your child enters their teen years
How so? Give me an expample how to move beyond it? Now whose flat top rules in '89? - Big Daddy Kane | |
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All I wanna know is: how much parenting was she doing before this? | |
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Stymie said: All I wanna know is: how much parenting was she doing before this?
She probably did all she could before she resorted to that. I know my mom did that with my sister. I wouldn't say my sister was a bad child because she wasn't but she liked to push people's buttons when she was younger. My mom would whip her, take away stuff and priviledges, ground her...nothing helped. One day my sister ran away and tried to come back and found her clothes pack up and out the house. Let's just say my sister didn't try to run away again. And its not like we didn't want or need for anything. Everything my sister and I got from our parents we earned. Of course children are not going to fully understand but I are not stupid in knowing what parents approve and don't approve, even from small. Children soak up everything they see very quickly like sponges. Even at a year old, a child knows what to do and how to act around certain people. Do not underestimate a child's mind. Children are stupid to their surroundings. Now whose flat top rules in '89? - Big Daddy Kane | |
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If this type of thing happened before and I had tried everything else and THAT didn't work...I would have done the same thing, but I also would have had a long loving talk with my kid after he was done holding up the sign. Shit, sometimes you have to be hard on kids.
More power to this woman! I wish more parents cared as much as she obviously does. In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
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Muse2NOPharaoh said: Do remember every child is different.
My mother once spanked me in front of the whole family for tampering with a birds nest she had ordered us to leave alone. The whole group committed the crime but I did the time. Later she took me to the side and said now did I embarrass you? I retorted yesssss She replied good! You embarrassed me! Do not embarassed me... DO not embarass me and I will not embarass you!
I went on to complain that the others stood around and watched as I was punished (Which I thought was crap) and they werent punished either (Their parents also sttod and watched) She said she was not accountable for their actions but for mine. That I need to be accountable for my actions and not theres. Its a good life lesson and one I better understand now. FACT: The cousins have all gone to my mother and stated they wish desperatly their parents would have been like her. My closest cousins wish she was there mother. They feel they would have acieved more sooner. I thank her as I have the courage to be my own person and never followed the crowd. At the same time, my sister she would NEVER have handled the same way as she isn't hard headed and a stern look would have reduced her to a pile of tears! Knowing you Carrie.... You would be easy to correct and guide. I certainly never would have used that approach with you. Byron.... I would have stayed up all night lechturing you.
Sounds like you had a good mom... and it sounds like you are avery good mom too.  In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
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Byron said: CarrieMpls said: I'm kinda feeling the same thing. Parenting through humiliation? Doesn't sound like a good idea... but then, I'm not a parent. It's not a good idea...so many better ways to deal with it. maybe those "better ways" didnt work, and the mother had to do what she had to do. Maybe he'll stop, maybe he won't, who are we to judge... I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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Ace said: Byron said: I'm not too up on having a 13 year old boy be made to publicly degrade his father
Yeah, that part kinda bothered me, too. it made me feel ill ... it is something i could never see myself doing ( the insult to the father ) and it has the potential to do far more harm then good tough love is good ... as long as there is honor involved . [Edited 8/29/05 14:29pm] | |
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missfee said: Byron said: It's not a good idea...so many better ways to deal with it. maybe those "better ways" didnt work, and the mother had to do what she had to do. Maybe he'll stop, maybe he won't, who are we to judge... ??... I think it's perfectly ok to call into question the pros and cons of disciplinary actions that parents take with their kids. We're not down there on the street yelling into this woman's face...we're discussing the merits of decisions like the one she made. I personally can't find a valid reason for bringing the boy's father into the situation in the manner that the mother did...and yeah, including the part about his "daddy" does start to feel of a mother's anger and feelings towards the father more than it does anything having to do with benefitting the boy. | |
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I honestly dont know if what she is doing is the right or the wrong thing to do....I blame parents (me) for our childrens actions.
This may not be "on topic" but kids dont know the meaning of a dollar... My son, who is 12 cant understand why mommy cant but 100 dollar shoes every month. and why he can wear "disposable" shirts....Meaning...wear a shirt once or at the most three times and toss it.....he wants to toss shirts that cost 20-25 each....he cried cause I said to him, I just dont have the money. He says there is alot of "peer pressure" at school. And if he wears the wrong shirt, they will make fun of him... i believe it to a point., but this kid wears nice clothes.....I just cant understand.... But I blame myself for his"spoiled ways"....I never said NO, never until recently.... my fault, no i gotta put up with his crap.... Say it's just a dream...
U open up ur eyes and come 2 realize u simply imagined this So u lean over and give her a kiss Here on earth, here on earth, with u it's not so bad Here on earth, here on earth eye don't feel so sad Stay right here |
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Byron said: missfee said: maybe those "better ways" didnt work, and the mother had to do what she had to do. Maybe he'll stop, maybe he won't, who are we to judge... ??... I think it's perfectly ok to call into question the pros and cons of disciplinary actions that parents take with their kids. We're not down there on the street yelling into this woman's face...we're discussing the merits of decisions like the one she made. I personally can't find a valid reason for bringing the boy's father into the situation in the manner that the mother did...and yeah, including the part about his "daddy" does start to feel of a mother's anger and feelings towards the father more than it does anything having to do with benefitting the boy. well i don't know her situation personally, so I really can't say if she is right or wrong... I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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