I met someone recently, we had dinner last week as friends. Since then she has called everyday. She tells me that how wonderful I am. I told her that I was not looking for a relationship. She understood how I felt.

She has called everyday since our dinner. We live in different cities so the calls are long distance. I keep telling her that we are just friends. she understands. I have told her not to call everyday, but she still does. She does not seem to understand that.


I need serious advice.
[Edited 8/25/05 11:52am]

She obviously doesn't understand. Something's not working in the communication.
As hard as it may be, you'll have to be incredibly clear and direct with her. Then stop taking her calls.

CarrieMpls said:

Thank you for your comment. I made it very clear during the dinner. I have made it very clear during our telephone calls. I have even told her that it has streessed me out. A relationship with her is impossible.

I was introduced to her by a good friend... that is a hurtful part.

slm4m said:

That sucks.

So then she's really bordering on freaky behavior. You've told her not to call and she does anyway. That's kinda scary.

CarrieMpls said:

She keeps telling me that we can be friends. I have told her that we cannot continiue to have conversations.

I feel like I am going to lose it!
[Edited 8/25/05 11:09am]

slm4m said:

BLOCK her calls and communications.

until she can behave respectfully ignore her

XxAxX said:

If you do, hopefully you won't be having rabbit for dinner:



.
[Edited 8/25/05 11:40am]

CarrieMpls said:

This is the best advice - and the most sound.

At this point - you should cease communicating with her - because ven negative attention feeds her... sacry.




[Edited 8/25/05 11:44am]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

The thing is I never had sex with her , never would, never will.

No boiling bunnies here... yet.
[Edited 8/25/05 11:48am]

slm4m said:

Fuck it then. Ignore her

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

It is a shame because she was a nice person to begin with.
[Edited 8/25/05 11:51am]

slm4m said:

I know how hard that is. But she's not "nice" now. She's repeatedly going against your wishes. And in an almost psycho kinda way. I feel sorry for her, but if some guy wouldn't leave me alone after I'd repeatedly asked him to I'd scream at him and as XxAxX said, comepletely block calls.
Maybe you can talk to your mutual friend and explain how uncomfortable she's making you?

DiminutiveRocker said:

Normally, I don't do that to people. I treat my friends like treasures and I treat with respect and dignity. I did that with her and from then on I don't know what she was thinking.

CarrieMpls said:

Thanks for your kind words. I have tried to talk to my friend about her actions, but cannot get a hold of him. The entire thing has me on egde. I don't know what I am going to say to my friend about her. He was the one who introduced me to her. It just makes me feel bad.

Help?
[Edited 8/25/05 12:04pm]

slm4m said:

You've been totally appropriate in this situation - she is the one who is out of line. Still, like Carrie said, you need to stop communicating with her (don't take any more calls) and explain to your friend the circumstance. If he's a friend he will know you and and understand that you were as kind and considerate as possible.

DiminutiveRocker said:

thank you. no more excepting phone calls. It was so bad last night -- I had to take a sleeping pill. I have not done that in a about 10 years.

All of this and I have only met her twice!

Next time she calls and she mentions "we can be friends"...tell her "No, we can't. Because being a friend means respecting their wishes. I have asked you NOT to call me, yet you do. I'm sorry, but you cannot call me anymore, it's freaking and stressing me out. And if you want to do one last "friendly" thing for me..you will respect that wish and not call me anymore"

Really the part of you being friends has passed.

superspaceboy said:

Very intelligent... I should have thought of that. God, I hate it when I have to be mean to a person.

Would you say that harshly?

Just as foot note, I have told her she is freaking me out and it is very stressful on me. She just doesn't get the hint.
[Edited 8/25/05 13:06pm]
[Edited 8/25/05 13:08pm]

slm4m said:

No more matter of factly. No need to be mean. But it's time to end her behavior and if she won't you need to.

I know you tried placating her...but it's not working.

If she still calls...there is a wonderful service called "Call Blocking" and you can lock her number. WHen she calls...she will hear a "Your number has been blocked" Message. Let me teel you THAT sends the message loud and clear.

And before this gets twisted out of porportion...tell your friend what is going on...and the decision you are making.

~puts the needle to the record~

And I said - "Baby, don't waste your time
I know what's on your mind
I may be qualified 4 a one night stand
But I could never take the place of your man"

superspaceboy said:

Well, I just got home and tried to call my friend = I keep getting his machine. I have tried to contact him over the last few days about this, but he has not returned my calls yet. I feel as if I am being just like her - calling to much. Now I am veeery worried that my friend does not want too talk to me.

slm4m said:

stop calling him. Let him contact you. You've already left a message, so let it be. Ignore her calls for a few days to see if she will actually slow her roll down. It was gracious of you to be honest to her about your relationship wishes, but if she can't listen to you with her own ears about how you feel, then think how it would be if you were actually in a relationship with her...disaster, exactly. If she acts this way just by trying to be a friend, then you haven't seen nothin' yet, buddy...

slm4m said:

Friends can talk on the phone, can't they? You're not being blunt enough. Don't be afraid to say what you need to say, or this person will start to get on your nerves.

slm4m said:

Uh-oh....

I really can't understand this behaviour. I have never, ever been involved in any form of obsession or infatuation. What's wrong with people?

Tsk, task.

So...

She´s not a looker?

missfee said:

Yes, I have left several messages, but I will not call him anymore. It's funny, but when he needs something he calls me. I think Ive screwed up my friendship with him too.

slm4m said:

people who always call you when they need something or when they want to vent about some drama thats always cooked up in their lives but don't want to listen to you talk are not friends. Friends may call when they have issues but mainly they call because they want to hear from you or see how you are doing. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the friendship.