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Thread started 08/23/05 6:51am

retina

Sexual mishaps

Okay, for those of you who are inclined to say "too much information" to everything that's explicit, stop reading now. talk to the hand


To everyone else, I'd like to ask if you've experienced any interesting sexual mishaps aside from the usual "vaginal farts" and such?

I was once having sex on a small island outside of Stockholm. We were standing on some rocks right by the water and I was taking her from behind. Suddenly, out of the blue, she lost her foothold on the rock and slipped towards the water. I instinctively grabbed on to what I was already holding, which happened to be her breasts. confused Of course that hurt so she gave out a yelp and we both slid into the water. It was bloody freezing too. But of course we ended up laughing at the whole thing.

Another time I was sitting slightly leaned back and was jacking off. When I came it was with such incredible force that it landed on my face! lol I haven't even been close to shooting that far before or since so I was really taken aback. I don't even want to think of what it would have looked like if somebody had stepped into the room at that moment. disbelief

So, any other stories? Don't be shy... smile
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Reply #1 posted 08/23/05 7:01am

beret1022

retina said:

Okay, for those of you who are inclined to say "too much information" to everything that's explicit, stop reading now. talk to the hand


To everyone else, I'd like to ask if you've experienced any interesting sexual mishaps aside from the usual "vaginal farts" and such?

I was once having sex on a small island outside of Stockholm. We were standing on some rocks right by the water and I was taking her from behind. Suddenly, out of the blue, she lost her foothold on the rock and slipped towards the water. I instinctively grabbed on to what I was already holding, which happened to be her breasts. confused Of course that hurt so she gave out a yelp and we both slid into the water. It was bloody freezing too. But of course we ended up laughing at the whole thing.

Another time I was sitting slightly leaned back and was jacking off. When I came it was with such incredible force that it landed on my face! lol I haven't even been close to shooting that far before or since so I was really taken aback. I don't even want to think of what it would have looked like if somebody had stepped into the room at that moment. disbelief

So, any other stories? Don't be shy... smile







whofarted
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Reply #2 posted 08/23/05 7:02am

retina

beret1022 said:

whofarted


talk to the hand

Participate or get off the thread you silly prude.
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Reply #3 posted 08/23/05 7:05am

muirdo

avatar

.
[Edited 8/23/05 8:10am]
Fuck the funk - it's time to ditch the worn-out Vegas horns fills, pick up the geee-tar and finally ROCK THE MUTHA-FUCKER!! He hinted at this on Chaos, now it's time to step up and fully DELIVER!!
woot!
KrystleEyes 22/03/05
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Reply #4 posted 08/23/05 7:07am

XxAxX

avatar

retina said:

beret1022 said:

whofarted


talk to the hand

Participate or get off the thread you silly prude.



tell the story about how you and your girl were on a merry-go-round doing it when your girl let go and flew off the whirling platform, straight into the arms of the police who'd been called to invedstigate complaint of lewd public behavior. smile
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Reply #5 posted 08/23/05 7:12am

retina

muirdo said:

when i was about 20 my girlfriend and i were shagging on her living room floor,on a rug in front of those electrical bar fires.
Half way through the act her feckin dad walked into the living room.He started going absolutely fucking mental..."it's the bloody summertime there's no need for the fire to be up that high....blah blah blah"


He was probably upset that you were having sex but didn't know how to articulate it, so he took it out on the bloody fire instead. lol

oh and retina ive had to wipe it off the wall behind me sometimes.Dont cum just like that fight it for a while.


Yeah, I've noticed that too. The more the tease the bigger the blast, so to speak. Interesting.

And thanks for participating. Major cool points for that! thumbs up!

.
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Reply #6 posted 08/23/05 7:16am

retina

XxAxX said:

retina said:



talk to the hand

Participate or get off the thread you silly prude.



tell the story about how you and your girl were on a merry-go-round doing it when your girl let go and flew off the whirling platform, straight into the arms of the police who'd been called to invedstigate complaint of lewd public behavior. smile


It's not like all my girlfriends go flying in different directions when we have sex, you know. lol

And you don't get usually get into trouble with the police for such things here in Sweden. They usually just think it's amusing. I once climbed the fence to a public pool in the middle of the night and had sex in the pool with a girl I was seeing at the time. When the guard found us, he just laughed and went to get towels for us.

.
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Reply #7 posted 08/23/05 7:17am

muirdo

avatar

.
[Edited 8/23/05 8:11am]
Fuck the funk - it's time to ditch the worn-out Vegas horns fills, pick up the geee-tar and finally ROCK THE MUTHA-FUCKER!! He hinted at this on Chaos, now it's time to step up and fully DELIVER!!
woot!
KrystleEyes 22/03/05
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Reply #8 posted 08/23/05 7:24am

retina

muirdo said:

hers another one.....

I was giving oral pleasure to this girl one time that was fine.When i was done she turned round and we started having sex doggy style.I looked down to see how i was doing when i noticed that my wullie was covered in blood.She had her periods and she never feckin told me.Needless to say the moment was lost and i felt barf

She didnt mean it though she said that they must have just started and i have pumped her since.
Without incident. thumbs up!


Yeah, blood isn't exactly a turn-on. But what you described can happen when they're at the end of it and think it's stopped too. That's happened to me.

Also, when I was in my late teens I had sex with a girl who had only been with her ex boyfriend before. Just after we'd started there was lots of blood, which made me worried that I'd hurt her in some way. But it turned out (according to her) that her ex boyfriend's dick had been so small that it hadn't even broken her hymen. I heard stories about his small dick from other girls too after that, so I believe her. Poor guy.

.
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Reply #9 posted 08/23/05 7:26am

Nikki23

I am offended by all these graphic sex stories eek
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Reply #10 posted 08/23/05 7:29am

retina

Nikki23 said:

I am offended by all these graphic sex stories eek


I bet you are. You're a good Irish catholic who wouldn't dream about pre-marital sex. nod
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Reply #11 posted 08/23/05 7:30am

ella731

avatar

Nikki23 said:

I am offended by all these graphic sex stories eek




your avatar slightly offends me



big grin
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Reply #12 posted 08/23/05 7:31am

susannah

retina said:

muirdo said:

hers another one.....

I was giving oral pleasure to this girl one time that was fine.When i was done she turned round and we started having sex doggy style.I looked down to see how i was doing when i noticed that my wullie was covered in blood.She had her periods and she never feckin told me.Needless to say the moment was lost and i felt barf

She didnt mean it though she said that they must have just started and i have pumped her since.
Without incident. thumbs up!


Yeah, blood isn't exactly a turn-on. But what you described can happen when they're at the end of it and think it's stopped too. That's happened to me.

Also, when I was in my late teens I had sex with a girl who had only been with her ex boyfriend before. Just after we'd started there was lots of blood, which made me worried that I'd hurt her in some way. But it turned out (according to her) that her ex boyfriend's dick had been so small that it hadn't even broken her hymen. I heard stories about his small dick from other girls too after that, so I believe her. Poor guy.

.


thats quite funny!
for him, not you of course!
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Reply #13 posted 08/23/05 7:32am

HamsterHuey

.
[Edited 8/23/05 7:32am]
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Reply #14 posted 08/23/05 7:33am

Nikki23

retina said:

Nikki23 said:

I am offended by all these graphic sex stories eek


I bet you are. You're a good Irish catholic who wouldn't dream about pre-marital sex. nod

Of course smile but you are so honest ,so many people reading your thread and not posting ..the only bad thing that ever happened to me was my ex came on my face and in my eye,it hurt so much i punched him.
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Reply #15 posted 08/23/05 7:38am

retina

Nikki23 said:

retina said:



I bet you are. You're a good Irish catholic who wouldn't dream about pre-marital sex. nod

Of course smile but you are so honest ,so many people reading your thread and not posting ..the only bad thing that ever happened to me was my ex came on my face and in my eye,it hurt so much i punched him.


falloff I would have loved to see that. "So, you think you can shoot my eye and get away with it? Think again. *SMACK!* punch"

lol
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Reply #16 posted 08/23/05 7:38am

ella731

avatar

Nikki23 said:

retina said:



I bet you are. You're a good Irish catholic who wouldn't dream about pre-marital sex. nod

Of course smile but you are so honest ,so many people reading your thread and not posting ..the only bad thing that ever happened to me was my ex came on my face and in my eye,it hurt so much i punched him.



big grin


I punched my boyfriend I guess the other night.


big grin



he was getiing home from a gig, like at 3am, I naturally was asleep for hours, he triedd to wake me up for some late night encounter big grin I guess I decked him shrug I dont remember
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Reply #17 posted 08/23/05 7:42am

muirdo

avatar

.
[Edited 8/23/05 8:11am]
Fuck the funk - it's time to ditch the worn-out Vegas horns fills, pick up the geee-tar and finally ROCK THE MUTHA-FUCKER!! He hinted at this on Chaos, now it's time to step up and fully DELIVER!!
woot!
KrystleEyes 22/03/05
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Reply #18 posted 08/23/05 7:43am

ella731

avatar

muirdo said:

ella731 said:




big grin


I punched my boyfriend I guess the other night.


big grin



he was getiing home from a gig, like at 3am, I naturally was asleep for hours, he triedd to wake me up for some late night encounter big grin I guess I decked him shrug I dont remember



so you are trying to tell us you gave him a good fisting?

whofarted




You naughty naughty man no no no!
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Reply #19 posted 08/23/05 7:45am

retina

ella731 said:

Nikki23 said:


Of course smile but you are so honest ,so many people reading your thread and not posting ..the only bad thing that ever happened to me was my ex came on my face and in my eye,it hurt so much i punched him.



big grin


I punched my boyfriend I guess the other night.


big grin



he was getiing home from a gig, like at 3am, I naturally was asleep for hours, he triedd to wake me up for some late night encounter big grin I guess I decked him shrug I dont remember


lol

In what condition did you find him the next day?

.
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Reply #20 posted 08/23/05 7:46am

Tom

avatar

I sneezed on someone while going down on them. Another time I got hiccups so bad while doing it I had to stop, killed the moment.

Usually, they'll get a little too into it, and say something really corny that makes me laugh so hard I can't finish.
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Reply #21 posted 08/23/05 7:47am

ella731

avatar

retina said:

ella731 said:




big grin


I punched my boyfriend I guess the other night.


big grin



he was getiing home from a gig, like at 3am, I naturally was asleep for hours, he triedd to wake me up for some late night encounter big grin I guess I decked him shrug I dont remember


lol

In what condition did you find him the next day?

.




rather pissed off and bruised big grin



Hey if I was awake and meant to do it thats one thing, but I must have been dreaming something fierce



razz
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Reply #22 posted 08/23/05 7:49am

retina

Tom said:

Another time I got hiccups so bad while doing it I had to stop, killed the moment.


Yeah, that would have been kind of annoying. Like a drunken bum going at it. lol

"Oh baby you're *hiccup!* so sexy and bea...*hiccup!*...beautiful."
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Reply #23 posted 08/23/05 7:50am

susannah

retina said:

Tom said:

Another time I got hiccups so bad while doing it I had to stop, killed the moment.


Yeah, that would have been kind of annoying. Like a drunken bum going at it. lol

"Oh baby you're *hiccup!* so sexy and bea...*hiccup!*...beautiful."



falloff
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Reply #24 posted 08/23/05 7:52am

Nikki23

ella731 said:

Nikki23 said:


Of course smile but you are so honest ,so many people reading your thread and not posting ..the only bad thing that ever happened to me was my ex came on my face and in my eye,it hurt so much i punched him.



big grin


I punched my boyfriend I guess the other night.


big grin



he was getiing home from a gig, like at 3am, I naturally was asleep for hours, he triedd to wake me up for some late night encounter big grin I guess I decked him shrug I dont remember

I have been in that situation my ex worked nights and he would come home at 6am and try his luck but i'm not a morning person..but i never punched him ,but i'm sure i kicked him a few times smile
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Reply #25 posted 08/23/05 7:53am

retina

ella731 said:

rather pissed off and bruised big grin


Hey if I was awake and meant to do it thats one thing, but I must have been dreaming something fierce



razz


I actually would have preferred a punch over a "not tonight, I have a headache". nod
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Reply #26 posted 08/23/05 7:55am

pardonme4livin

I have fallen off the bed before....ummm and on three seperate occasions I said I was gonna pull out...and lost count...have you guys met my kids lol
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Reply #27 posted 08/23/05 8:02am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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I actualy have a hilarious story, but I'm too much of a lady to tell.

smile
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Reply #28 posted 08/23/05 8:03am

susannah

CarrieMpls said:

I actualy have a hilarious story, but I'm too much of a lady to tell.

smile


i am playing exactly the same game here im afraid!

Sorry guys!
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Reply #29 posted 08/23/05 8:03am

ella731

avatar

pardonme4livin said:

I have fallen off the bed before....ummm and on three seperate occasions I said I was gonna pull out...and lost count...have you guys met my kids lol



yea I have heard the rhythm method isnt so effective



have you met my kid?


wink
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