By Dwight Hamilton

NEW YORK—The Women’s Tennis Association suspended professional tennis player Anna Kournikova indefinitely after she tested positive for silicone implants. The WTA has banned silicone as a “career enhancement substance.”



Cheating to compete?

Sports marketing experts are not surprised by this development:

“Let’s face it,” said Drake Locke of the Victory Marketing Group. “Anna is under tremendous pressure to compete for media attention against younger, hotter piece of ass tennis pros like Maria Sharapova. A veteran like Anna has to do whatever it takes to keep her edge.”

Kournikova’s professional stats include two Stuff covers, four times on People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People list, three pro hockey players, appearances on over 1,000 phony nude celebrity sites, along with assorted singles and doubles tennis victories. She has been ranked as high as #8 in the world in women’s singles in 2000, #1 in doubles in 1999, and #4 in the 2004 Maxim Hot 100.

Despite her high 2004 ranking, she plummeted to #79 in Maxim's 2005 Hot 100.

“She’s getting a little long in the tooth,” said Locke. “She’s been legally bangable for six years.”



“Female tennis players only have a brief spot in the sun. Look at Martina Hingis,” said ESPN commentator Skip Bayliss. “One second, they’re on the cover of FHM. The next thing you know they’re hanging around the locker room waiting for Martina Navratilova.”

Kournikova doesn’t deny that the test revealed silicone in her breasts but states that the substance got there by accident. “I did not use silicone intentionally or knowingly. I’m not sure how it got implanted in me,” she stated. “I haven’t kept track of everything that’s entered my body since I turned sixteen.”

Others are not convinced. Dr. Gary Gold, a New York University Professor of Mammary Sciences, disputes that silicone could have been accidentally implanted in Kournikova.

“Maybe saline or soy could have been introduced in her system as a by-product of dietary supplements without her awareness,” said Dr. Gold. “But silicone is hardcore stuff.”

Under the WTA’s implant testing policy, every player is tested at least once during the tour by having her breasts fondled by a blue-ribbon committee that includes tennis legend Billie Jean King, noted plastic surgeon Dr. Sal Callabro, and Scott Baio.

Not all tennis players agree with the WTA’s testing policy.


The competition
“Silicone, by itself, doesn’t make a tennis player more marketable. You still have to have raw talent,” said former media darling Chris Evert. “You could give Anna Smashnova implants the size of casaba melons and she still wouldn't warrant much more than a grudge fuck.”

“Besides, other players are using techniques such as offering Sports Illustrated's editorial staff blow-jobs to get cover stories.” Evert added. “But that’s still perfectly legal under the WTA’s rules.”

Kornikova’s agent Phil de Piccottio is not worried about how this event will affect her career. “Anna is a true talent and cream always rises to the top,” said. “She'll get past this. All she needs is a cameo in a Will Farrell movie or a leaked sex tape, and she’ll be hotter than ever.”

http://www.thephatphree.c...youtType=1

Sounds like something The Onion would print.

She doesnt know how the silicone got in her breasts

i heard you can get silicone contamination from toilet seats

She doesnt know how the silicone got in her breasts

i heard you can get silicone contamination from toilet seats

So what she 's still hot !

ella731 said:

The whole thing is a parody of the steroid scandals that have broken out over the last few years in pro-sports. Several of these athletes have made claims that they have no idea how steroids got in their bodies (which is, of course, completely ludicrous).