Life can be complicated, I at least don't know how to make things simple...I always over analyze until the point where I don't remember what or why or who or whatever. My goodness....anyway. I went out with this guy a few years ago, he was pretty sweet, but I wasn't into "nice guys" at the moment. In retrospect, he was worth getting to know. Now, we email once in awhile (usually initiated by me) and that's about it. He doesn't show really any interest

Last month, I learned through a friend, that he recently broke up with his girlfriend? I want to ask him out, but I am so so afraid that:

1. he will either make an excuse (to nice to say no) and avoid me.
2. he will say yes (because he will think we're just friends sort of a yes) and not be interested.
3. the main source of anxiety comes from asking him out at all - I'm old fashioned and prefer not to ask men out.
4. Do men like to be asked out? He could easily ask me out, I've flirted some.

What should I do, this is so major to me?






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Keep in touch for a while but don't make a bold move. He's just broken up with his girlfriend. He could jump straight into your arms, but I doubt that would allow the relationship its best chance. Perhaps try to stay in contact more regularly and just be a good friend. You should get on with someone you intend to have a relationship with. Sounds simplistic, but it's true. Chat more, interact more often, see if you really enjoy it. After a while has passed and if you feel like you want to make a move, do it.

Good luck.

Ask him out. You can't hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder.

gabeez said:

when and if he does ... then i think you may want to show yours in return

I love the way this forum will offer up a different opinion for each orger that responds. It makes finding a resolution near impossible!

Still, the main thing is to be decisive, in waiting or in proceeding. Make a decision and then see it through fully without fuss.

gabeez said:

Yup! It's nice, especially when you had no idea the girl was even interested.

I totally like to be asked out. Takes all the pressure off of me.

I loved to be asked out, too... Actually, I've never asked a woman out before...they've always seemed to initiate that phase first. Only once was is ever "mutual", where we seemed to be initiating things at the same time.

jerseykrs said:

will you go out with me?

I think I will ask him out then, since it doesn't seem like guys are bothered too much by it. Now, the other thing is I don't have an his phone number, just email. Is it not the best to ask him out by email??? Is it better to ask him for his phone number, and then ask him out? I hate the sound of that, ask him for his phone number...








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Do it. It's about time that women started asking guys out. Guys have to put their neck out on the line for years. It's about time women started taking risks instead sitting back and letting men do it all. Guys love it when women make the first move.

yes. i mean no. oh heck, go ahead and ask him out. wait! don't do it!

to be honest i'm not sure what you should do. i don't know either one of you well enough to have any idea how things will turn out.

at any rate good luck

XxAxX said:

i made the first move on the guy i'm seeing now. i knew he was interested though so that makes a difference confidence-wise.


just do it. worse thing thing he can say is no...then you'll move on and stop wasting time/energy/emotion on someone that doesn't feel the same.


best of luck. let us know what happens.

TheFrog said:

lillith said:

Yes, but you're a cradle robber.

I like 2 B asked out. Its a great feelin'.

Rinluv said:

Really.

You should ask him out.. Can't you look up his number on the net? If you have his full name and an idea of where he lives?

Another thing.. I never really got this not into 'nice guys' .. what's up with that? Sorry if I'm getting too personal..

gabeez said:

From what you've written thus far, you described him as being kind of standoffish. Since he hasn't given you any signs that he is remotely interested in you then don't run his ass down. Otherwise, you will be perceived as desperate. Let him sweat you and if he's not digging you. Then, it's time to move on to new dick.

jerseykrs said:

he's legal + 3 years.

Hotlegs said:

Sage advice as always from MsLegs

Good advice from both Fauxie and Leggs.

Hotlegs said:

Really what?

Might not be good advice. What some see as "standoffish" and "showing no interest" can just be shyness. Some guys are afraid of rejection or have been burned or just shy. A lot of women can't seem to get it through their heads that some guys are like that. They have the out of date view that if a man wants you he will chase you. Otherwise he is not interested.

I always let the girl make the first move or do the asking. I was rejected in my early years and it burns. I don't risk it anymore. I wait the women out until they do it. It feels great.

Spats said:

Well, I understand what you're saying about the guy being shy and what not. However, Gab did take the first step in keeping the lines of communication open by contacting the gentleman via emale but he was non-responsive which gave me the impression that he was standoffish and wasn't attracted to her and wanted to keep their relationship purely platonic for the momement. So, it would be more feasible for her to keep the lines of communication open but don't push things.
[Edited 8/3/05 1:31am]

jerseykrs said:

VoicesCarry said:

shame, boy you so crazy

Update:

Not good, I'm seriously depressed now. So I sent him an email and sounded kinda of foolish once I went back and read it. I was direct tho and did say finally toward the end of the paragraph - do you want to go on a date? WELL it's been a whole damn week and he never responded!!! I never thought he would do that, so much for the nice guy theory. The sound and level headed part of me says - oh well if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be. However, the irrational - emotional part says - why, why, why?? At least come up with a lie, lie to me-I'm not even worth the trouble? Man, I guess I feel like the ass.

I thought we had a connection the last time, toward the end, he thought he annoyed me and that's why we stopped talking. Now, I feel like - he wasn't annoying, I was just frustrated at work, ah - life can be so strange.

It's like, now I'm even more intrigued! I could "accidentally" run into him, but maybe I should let it go?





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amor said:

To respond to the nice guy thing, I guess there is a thin line between nice guy and push over. When I get the sense that someone is too nice, it bothers me - it doesn't seem "manly". Like, oh - your not just this way with me, your this way with everyone, your just a nice guy. Suddenly, you don't feel so special anymore.

This other guy I use to date, worked down the street. I used to sometimes drive to work and park at a meter (cause I couldn't pay the expensive parking garage rates). He'd email and be like, hey I fed your meter - you have 2 more hours. So sweet! Until I realized he did that for other people? I was like what kind of sucker are you? Like he just wanted everyone to think he was this super nice guy - I don't know - but, it just turned me off.
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