When is it enough? Or do you just keep going?

Even if financially and emotionally it leaves you weary? I love this family, but where do my responsibilities end?

What family? The Org family?

You must NEVER stop giving to the Org family!

You give up. There comes a point where help becomes dependence.

jerseykrs said:

But don't you worry about what will happen to people? What if the dependence is completely out of their control?

sorry things are rough right now.

i think everyone has their own personal limits, and from your exasperation maybe you've pretty near reached yours?

Yes, as a matter of fact I do worry. But, again, people need to do for themselves at some point.

evenstar3 said:

I haven't, I'm giving more, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't be. I'm only 24, and there's a mother, father, daughter, 2 sons, daughter-in-law and baby grandson all in some way depending on me. Not always financially, but it's like I'm their hope sometimes. I paid for my then gf's operation to remove an ovary, I paid for my brother in law's hospital fees when his son was born, I try to help with my mother in-law's poor health and that of her paralysed eldest son. I pay the utility bills and settle old bills from before I had even met my now wife. I get so much back in love, and this family really is wonderful, hence my not wishing to move away. I like being around them, the banter, the busy nature of the house. To be honest, it's not about the money. I have some, they don't. It just wears me down sometimes is all.

Fauxie said:

Is this cultural as well??...Or primarily one of socio-economical factors??...

wellbeyond said:

Cultural as in that being a problem for me, or cultural as in this being the norm?

I worry about people I care about.

Fauxie said:

In oriental cultures that is the norm. Speaking from past experience.

Fauxie said:

Cultural as in it being the norm...for instance, that it's a common occurance for families (and extended families) to expect one of the members to provide so much for everyone else. Thru an American viewpoint, our culture/society would view it as relatives "mooching" off of us. We're far more capitalistic and individualistic in our approach to ourselves and each other, even within the family. In other cultures, however, it's far more considered the norm to have a providing source for the entire family, cousins and all (maybe the opportunities are so limited that having only one "successful" family member is to be expected). I was just wondering if your situation was influenced by cultural issues.

wellbeyond said:

To an extent, yes. I'm a foreigner, of course, and therefore in particular outside of the family people just think that this family now has it made. My Aussie brother in-law who is married to my wife's sister has also contributed down the years, though they're looking like they're going to break up so he's not so much a part of it now. Anyway, my in-laws have never expected too much, and to be honest another Thai family would probably expect more. It's not like having us foreigners in the family has meant a new house, car or a radically changed way of life for them. They let me stay in this house, they take care of me well when I need it and I genuinely love them almost as much as I love my own parents. That's why I'm happy to do what I can. It's just the stress and worry I see in my family, with my in-laws not being able to look after their paralysed son, or doing so to the detriment of their own health. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough, while other times I feel weary of it all. Certainly to people on the outside there's an expectation that having a foreign son in-law will mean the family will be completely taken care of, but my in-laws have never expected too much in that sense. It's usually been me who has offered since I can't bear to see them struggle.

Fauxie said:

My hat's off to you definitely...That's a lot to take on as a burden, whether voluntarily or not. My own experience with taking care of my father doesn't EVEN compare to yours, but I understand "Compassion Fatigue" all too well, as well as the guilt that's associated with it. I'm hoping that you're able to have enough "selfish" moments which help keep you energized...I found that I had to do this as well, actually forcing myself to disconnect from my father while he was here, just to keep my sanity and energy. You would seem to need that 1,000 times more than I did.
[Edited 8/6/05 18:35pm]

wellbeyond said:

Thanks! I'll bear that in mind.

Fauxie said:

if compassion is leaving you financially and emotionally weary ... it is no longer compassion

i think frustration comes in when you don't feel that all involved are doing what they can

Fauxie said:

As soon as I read about your family situation months ago, I got a bit worried since I also knew about your age. Even when you're a lot older it's tough to carry the burden you're carrying, so when you're twenty-three and "stuck" in a foreign country with a dozen relatives to handle, it must be tougher than tough. Nobody will be happy if you have a breakdown (and to be honest, nobody will be happy to depend on you in the long run either), so I'd say you should take a step back and only intervene when it comes to the kinds of life-threatening issues you mentioned. If it's still not bearable then, I'd suggest that you should consider relocating with your wife. It's not as easy for people to come asking for favours when you're not just a few blocks away.

I hate being the thread killer.

Please, anybody, post last here and help me sleep tonight.

Sleep well.

Hi Nick!!!!

AzureStarr said:

crazyhorse said:

What's shakin' bacon?



(Fauxie, I agree with Retina's comment, so I didn't have anything to add. Won't jack your thread anymore...)

AzureStarr said:

what's shakin, bacon?
good ta see ya....

crazyhorse said:

And, you, too...

(I'm scootin' off this thread now...)

jerseykrs2 said:

Hi Chris!!!!

AzureStarr said:

No, don't. Why don't you stay a while, make yourself comfortable. We'll be serving tea and crumpets soon.

Fauxie said:

You always make me smile. I love ya!

AzureStarr said:

For you.