Why would i want to do that ?

Natsume said:

agreed. That's the best advice.

I've noticed that every time I see a couple, they're nearly always equally good-looking. This makes me think that how physically attractive your partner is affects us more than we'd like to admit. Sometimes a difference in good looks makes the better looking person uninterested sexually, which seems to be the case for you (and apparently sexual attraction is extremely important to people).

But I'm starting to think that it just as often is the "I could do better than this" phenomenon, i.e. even though the better looking partner is equally attracted, he/she keeps looking for someone more compatible, lookswise. That's where it starts to feel really unfortunate that we human beings are this shallow, since it's not really a matter of the worse-looking partner falling short in any regard, but the prospect of finding something else that ruins things. Pretty weird, if you ask me.

i think its sad that you can say what a great girl she is, and that yes, shes the marrying kind, yet, her weight makes you so sick that you cant even bring yourself to get close to her

in my opinion that is incredibly shallow of you, and maybe you think to highly of yourself


sorry... but, the truth is, maybe since shes able to see people for who they are INSIDE AND OUT (and not judge them by the outside), she may be a bit more mature than you. perhaps you should just let her go so she can find someone that sees what a great girl she is.... and then you can go find a barbie doll that will fit your needs.

Look. This fat chick understands your dilemma.

The medical fact-of-the-matter is that long-term weight loss of more than a few pounds is difficult to the point of impossible for a lot of people. Ignore the "take her to the gym" comments. That's not the answer.

You might try reading a book called "Big Big Love". It's basically a discussion of fat folks and sexuality. Maybe it will speak to you somehow.

I wholeheartedly agree that you should not bring this up with her. It's not her fault, and knowing that somebody she loves might reject her over her weight will really hurt her for a long time. LIE to the woman! I don't care. Just don't tell her it's about her weight. Make it about you.

Maybe her over-attentiveness is a self-esteem issue. But it may very well be a social-esteem issue. Her culture TELLS her that she is not good enough for you. Not her fault. You live in that same culture. Not your fault either.


I get pissy with people who talk about fat chicks like we have some contagious disease, but that's not what I'm hearing from you. I'm hearing that you want to be attracted, but you're not. The answer is to dig deep, think hard, and see if that spark comes. . . or not, and say goodbye.

nothing wrong with chubby girls , imo
(unless she's huge)

I dated a guy that was not that nice looking and he had a bit of a beer belly but he was very sweet and amazing in bed...looks are not that important, but i know really ugly guys who will not date fat girls..it's a man thing.

nakedpianoplayer said:

damn that was harsh. i never said i was disgusted with her weight...we are intimate on some level--we kiss, hold hands, cuddle...all the stuff that people who genuinely care for each other do. i said that the comfort level kind of takes a nose dive when i see he in varying degrees of undress..i think a lot of people feel the same way when they see someone at the beach or wherever and they're just not in the best of shape in maybe just some trunks or a revealing bathing suit.

no, i don't want a barbie doll ( ihave dated plus-size women before, but just not her size). i want an average woman who can complete me and i can complete her. i don't think she's more mature than me--it's alot easier to fall for somebody who is everything you're looking for (as she says about me), than to fall for somebody who is most of what you're looking for. i'm a decent looking guy with a house, car and a job with benefits ..if i wanted to string along a bunch of impressionable females i could..but i don't want to do that anymore..i want to start looking at waking up christmas mornings with somebody you really care about right beside you...going to the caribbean for the weekends..stuff like that. i KNOW deep down inside, i'll never find another who is more giving and caring...but the fact is i have to make a decision on whether having most of the package is good enough to make me and her happy for the long haul.

Ur sayin' Ur not sexually attracted 2 her or mentally or what.

Nikki23 said:

there's hope for me

Dewrede said:

Okay then...

Vind het niet erg
Ik zou er overigens niet eens wat van kunnen zeggen , ben zelf ook best wel dik

Dewrede said:

Nou.. daar kunnen we zaterdag wel over oordelen dan haha!
Next saturday we can talk about our ' lovehandles'

nakedpianoplayer said:

My opinion is that it's incredibly honest of you. My advice is to break it off now and, when the inevitable question of "Why?" arises, be honest with her. You are doing no one a favour by prolonging the inevitable.


Maybe. Or maybe part (if not the majority) of her attraction to him lies in his looks.


We all have our turn-on's and turn-off's in the opposite sex (or the same sex, for our gay Orgers). Can you honestly say that the way a man looks means nothing to you?

HowComeYouDontCallme said:

Ace said:

i can tell you that if i am not attracted to a person, i will not date them at all...

i think its just the WAY he explained it that messes me up, basically he said, "shes a great woman, the marrying kind, we have a great time together - however, when she undresses, i realize that i CANT BRING myself to be intimate with her"

well, to me, that means shes just to discusting to touch in a loving way (as mentioned before like she has some kinda disease). why can you not look at the woman as being a woman, a woman who makes you happy, a woman who sincerely cares about your needs, a woman that actually WANTS to wake up next to you ???? seriously - i wasnt trying to be mean, and i understand the question, but seriously - its a crazy thing to say that to see her in her underwear makes you feel like you just cant do it

leave her.... just leave her, im sure many other men have done it, and you shouldnt feel bad, just kick her to the curb and go on about your business... it really wouldnt work for you to years later be 'stuck' with the fat loser anyway, would it ? i dont think so... youre probably to good for her

nakedpianoplayer said:

I think this is the way to go.


No, it's an honest thing.


What's to feel bad about is stringing her along for so long and the unfairness of life. At least he tried to overcome the looks bias in our society. His intentions were good.

nakedpianoplayer said:

He doesn't want to fuck her. Do you think she'll have a problem with that?

Ace said:

Of course, she well. But, if wasn't into fat chicks, he shouldn't told her upfront.

meltwithu said:

Weight is not just about looks. To some degree, a badly kept body suggests a lack of self control, insufficient will power, a disrespect of the body as a temple for the spirit, a lack of understanding about how great the human body is and that it should be fueled properly and kept in good condition. These things are a big turnoff and could be why you cringe when she undresses. The folds of fat could remind you that she's just not emotionally strong enought and disciplined enough to order parts of her life. (I wouldn't say this about someone who's 200 pounds even ... but you said 250-plus)

If you have high ideals about physical form and health, you could share some of these ideas with her and suggest how important good nutrition and sculpted physiques are -- of course you'd have to man up and make sure your shit is straight too.


BUT ... since you say you're not certain weight is the only issue. I don't know if helping her reach a new outlook on health will appease you.

If not, then look. You are stringing her on and feeding her a lot of reasons to fall deeply in love with you AND THAT IS CRUEL. I hate when guys sort of like a woman, act on that, then retreat saying the girl is too clingy or wants more than he does. Bullshit, you are causing that reaction. She's not overreacting but responding to your deception ... you're doing all these romantic things while trying to keep distance. You cannot have it both ways.

If weight (and it's related causes) is the main barrier between you, be honest and ask her if she's ever considered a healthier lifestyle and say the two of you could embark on one together as you consider beginning a new life as an official couple. I'm sure that would motivate her.

If there are other things making you hesitate, please stop playing boyfriend with this girl and tell her you love her to death and just want to keep her as a friend because you're almost soul mates but not quite.

Hopefully I can get away with saying this and sorry if it offends chubby chicks but I dated a fat chick once because she was really cool. She wasn't exactly the "marrrying kind" but more like the "sandwich kind" and every time it came to being intimate, we got just about all the way and I couldn't get it up. I literally one time had to stick it between her breasts which were more like two huge mounds of gross flesh and still couldn't get it up. She liked when I twisted her nipples, which looked more like twizzlers because they were so long and fat. The point is that she was getting a lot from me but she couldn't give me that one thing. I once had to beat off while looking at her over the shoulder in the shower once. Now that was pathetic. I just called it off and told her I was the one with the problem so I wouldn't insult her huge ass that wasn't really a real ass but more like a huge mountain of gooey flesh. Sorry I had to write this but it just proves that it doesn't work.

Hotlegs said:

He tried to overcome the physical, but he couldn't make the leap.

SynthiaRose said:

Well Said Synthia. Eventhough I am not in the overweight catagory, I can not help but have smpathy for that women in that situation and I think you hit it right on the head Synthia.

SynthiaRose said:

Well said

Ace said:

Well then, it's time for him to bounce and get the hell out.There's no sense in wasting time with someone that he doesn't care for at all.
[Edited 8/7/05 13:57pm]

Hotlegs said:

That's what I've advised him (see above).