Nothinbutjoy said:

I love how you can't take your curiosities off me, but this thread is NOT about me...but do what you will...I LOVE YOU ALL!

lilgish said:

preciosa863 said:

and THERE it is!

*dipping my toe into the water, checking the temperature...*


1) Are the tensions between black men and women necessarily any thicker than those that normally occur between men and women regardless of their race/ethnicity/social context?

2) Are black men, by and large (since we're generalizing on this thread), as socially inept or absent or irresponsible as we're often characterized?

3) Are black women, by and large, as bitter and scarred as they're so often characterized?

4) How accurate is the subtext of that dynamic (black women scarred from the bad decisions made by black men)? Is that a one-sided model of victimization and abuse? If so, why is that the prevailing depiction of the state of black love?

edit
[Edited 8/4/05 5:50am]

preciosa863 said:

ooooohhhhh, she got you

ThreadBare said:

of course there are tensions that are simply gender specific that all races deal with but there are sitations that are specific to the dynamic of what is going on in black relationships.

Haven't we already been over a topic which was slightly similar to this. Something about how American women shouldn't forget to nurture their men??? I know the title of this thread is "why are black women so damn angry?" but you are trying to address the same issues - career women, leaving men behind, cooking!!!

You really can't generalise like this because everyone has different attitudes, goals, ambitions. There may lots of black women who are concentrating on their careers (good for them) but there are just as many black men, white women, white men, asian women, etc. etc. who also put having a career at the top of their lists.

Rhondab said:

Is this really the case?? I'm enquiring because I don't know any black people in my daily life and would be interested to know if there are different situations in black relationships and relationships of other races. I assumed (perhaps naively) that we all just deal with the same kind of crap.

Rhondab said:

I hope this doesn't go over the wrong way. I'm gonna use someone I know as an example. She was working in Real Estate, getting her shit together since she had three young children, one baby daddy dead and the other a general fuck up who was seeing another girl at the same time. What does she do? She GETS PREGNANT by the general fuck up and then has to quit working with me because she's got morning sickness.

She doesn't even REALIZE what she's thrown away. She would have been very successful, but she chose to be careless.

Why do some women, not just black, have TOO MANY GODDAMNED KIDS THAT THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY TAKE CARE OF!!!!!?

My mom is so damn angry.

LolaM said:

I don't think it's the case as often as it's made out to be. America has a love affair with characterizing blacks as being slightly less than human (the examples are numerous), an affair seen most starkly in slavery times but more subtly even today in the kinds of images many of us take for granted.

Worsening the issue, black Americans very often internalize and adopt these formerly derogatory caricatures and perpetuate them ourselves. (Check the sad state of hip-hop's romantic nuances today). Everything's hyper-sexual and hedonistic in a way that perpetuates the stereotype of the black man as a non-thinking sexual predator good only for menial tasks, buffoonery and reproduction.

Within that construct, black women are cast more as breadwinners, achievers and the victims of black males' chronically bad decisions.

ThreadBare said:

great analysis

brownsugar said:

The bait wasn't meant for smart fish. *un-hooks u and releases u into the sea of good sense*

purpleizpassion said:

i know i know *see posts above*

"There ain't nothin' better than pussy except NEW pussy"

No reason for that, I know. I just thought I'd throw that in here since it's one of the truest statements ever uttered by man.

ThreadBare said:

Well, Thread, I think you simplify it to just being unfair characterization of Black America and how we function in relationships. Do I think all black women are angry, NOPE, do I think there still are some very strong, great black men who are the head of household, yep, I do. But think we do have to look at our relationships without simplying blaming "america" for SOME of the stigma that takes place.

No, not all of us have these issues but we have to look at why Black women are the least married, what effect does having such a larger number of black men incarated do to our family structures, etc.? There are some legitmate questions that we can look at and answer without thinking it some ploy by America to keep us thinking we are less than human. Self-examination leads to healing.

Nothing wrong with taking a look at where we are at in our relationships and families and I do know ppl who take a look at the different dynamics that take place in black relationships. I just think there are some dynamics that have cause our families and relationships to be ripped a part and these dynamics maybe more evident in our community.


We can agree to disagree.
[Edited 8/4/05 13:42pm]

Firstly, Frankie SAY Relax with the name calling and prodding. Lets really examine it

RhondaB said

:

I think it really has to deal with how these black women grow up-- I dont think black women are angry so much as shocked and disappointed...especially in a country where the black population is torn between this "american dream", and the feeling that accompanies the failure to attain that.

Sadly, America is a part of the equation, BUT NOT the answer-- the destruction of the traditional black family started (in this country) in slavery. When that tradition became a casualty to business and industry-- putting the black family, and the black life underfoot--

The second part of the equation is the dynamic of relations between men and women-- dysfunction occurs within relationships of all colors and mixtures, not just black.

I think these two, along with the lower class (what a great percentage of minorities are)-- as far as their attitudes towards unwed motherhood (difficult but okay), teenage motherhood (difficult, normal), and the institution of marriage itself (an ancient relic), makes for an interesting mix.

I live in a mostly black community-- my friends and acquantances here are shocked that my parents

a) are still married
b) got married at all
c) were both over the age of 18 when i was conceived and born

My white friends and acquaintances see this as mundane-- and it is almost a given to them...
Its like living on two different planets.
[Edited 8/4/05 18:02pm]

4 starters I believe it's the way Black Men look at black women....


My friends: "Lightskinned girls are the best"....

My observations... Black businessmen are usually with white women.

Society and black videos : usually filled with white people and lightskinned girls.

Well Dex, I was just mad in general but now I'm mad at YOU

lilgish said:

CalhounSq said:

brownsugar said:

Yup, I know.
I was also talking to ThreadBare and Rhonda, among others... Just keep swimming ya'll.

Rhondab said:

But, we agree, Rhonda. We do. Pardon me for giving the impression of thinking the fault lies solely with society. There are stereotypes but, alas, they're supported by a fair number of true stories of heartbreak and disillusionment.

Just logged on to my e-mail and heard from a sister friend of mine passing on a forward about why positive, "good on paper" sisters are alone and manless. It analyzed corporate styles vs. romantic styles, the ability to yield domestic reins to a man.

I didn't mean to oversimplify, because I think the issues are undeniable and complex. For instance, what about the well-meaning, "good on paper" brothers who find themselves dateless because sisters find them corny, less educated or less affluent than said women would prefer?

I just shrink back from a discussion cast largely in the stereotypes I referred to before. But are there issues and trends and patterns? Absolutely, and the deal with our expectations of each other -- as well, I believe, as our own varying feelings of entitlement and rejection.

And, I think, by and large, sisters have been a lot better at articulating those feelings.

Lazy button pushing. This isn't fostering discussion. It's writing a knowingly ignorant and grossly generalised thread in order to bait folks. Just imagine it's a pussy thread or something and post a few light-hearted replies instead of wading in and giving the man an orgasm.

Black Women I have known are always sweet & cool.

Some project ho called my boy a "sellout Nigga with the white girl" when she walked by us while we were shopping in the mall
[Edited 8/6/05 23:05pm]

Mostbeautifulgrlntheworld said:

Maybe she's a mindreader & sensed she was being thought of as a "project ho"





.
[Edited 8/6/05 23:24pm]

CalhounSq said:

She is...we both personally know her he works with her at ups...she's been seen turning tricks before.
[Edited 8/6/05 23:33pm]