Just as a fair warning, bipeds. I wanted to let you know the Cow Revolution that I have been warning you about for the last couple of months is imminent. I am talking days away. The bovine army is assembled, plans have been made, and the great and holy Cow Oracle has assured us that the funding is in place. Several hundred million dollars have been raised, with huge contributions given by various companies and benefactors such as Gateway computers, Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Inc., Chick Fil A, Bill Gates, and, for reasons not yet understood, Charlie Sheen. All contributions given by Tom Cruise must be kept quiet per the 56-page contract he made us sign.

Many of you, those that have been nice to me and said kind words about the bovine divine, will be given preferential treatment in the Cow World Order. Arrangements have been made for luxury human pens, plasma flat screen televisions and other human conveniences that will make your life very tolerable. We will not treat you like animals, like you have treated us in other words. Rebels like JediMaster will be dealt with. He is reportedly holed up in a bunker, plotting strategy that will never work against Cow Forces.

Enjoy the last few days in a human dominated world. The cows are coming and we’re not going to be stopped. A cow’s gotta do what a cow’s gotta do and the time is now. The great and holy Oracle has promised a state of divine bliss, not just for cows but for all creatures, as the true natural order of things will be restored. The Oracle, the wise one, has never steered us wrong before and my complete faith lies in him and his vision of the Cow Power Generation.

Ta ta for now, humans.

BUMMY said:

BUMMY said:

Bummy, with the Cow Revolution imminent, I have no time for petty inter-animals squabbles. That is what the humans wish us to do, fight with each other so they can continue to dominate. I have love for all animals. Except, of course, for horses, who are pricks.

ohhh now the org has barnyard animals ??

luv4u said:

Um yes...special keyboard designed for hooves, Have been here for a couple of months, warning of the impending cow revolution which is now only days away.

I see nothing unusual about any of this...

I fear that this is not being taken seriously. Whic is fine, it is beyond human comprehension to imagine millions upon millions of cows, mobilizing to take over humanity. But rest assured, it is all true. The armies are all over the world, fully formed and making final battle plans:

Here are just some of the cow corps:



Iowa



Scotland



Prague



El Salvador


Take it seriously or don't it is up to you. These troops and many many others await only final orders from the Cow Oracle. Viva la revelucion!

Get on with the damn revolution, Cow!

This revolution will not be televised.

TheFrog said:

Do you know how hard it is to get 800 breeds of cows together in 150 countries without the use of a telephone since those damn things were seemingly not created for creatures with hooves? I'm trying to e-mail a lot of the forces but a lot of them are just not checking their e-mail regularly. The word of mouth is getting around, slowly but surely. I'm looking at Thursday maybe, Friday at the latest. Hope that is good for everyone.

Cow said:

So what are you going to do in this revolution?

Moo everyone into submission?

TheFrog said:

He's going to milk you..ack!

Lleena said:

woo hoo!

vive la revolution!

(lies back and thinks of england)
[Edited 7/27/05 6:24am]

TheFrog said:

It will be an agressive but docile takeover. Many revolutionary tactics will be used but this will be a non-violent takeover so it's probably mostly going to come down to our art of persuasion. We wish for no casualties in the struggle and are mostly assuming that many humans will immediately surrender upon seeing millions of cows outside their door.

TheFrog said:

Can I watch?

TheFrog said:

Now now, Frog, no time for that. Need I remind your our offspring would look like tauntauns.

Cow said:

In order to establish any kind of world order, Cows must go forth and multiply. There must be a cow on every street corner.

Lleena said:

well i would say yes, but Cow has rudely rejected my passive advances, by the looks of things.

TheFrog said:

We could be "just friends". I hope my friendship is enough Frog. I just wish I wasn't such a sexy beast. I always have animals fall in love (or lust) with me.

I cannot afford such distractions with the revolution coming.

TheFrog said:

You need to whisper sweet nothings in his ear. Things like, "Oh cow, you've got the best pair of udders I've ever seen," you know, that kind of thing.

or. "Thine cow eyes are like pools of mud," "I adore your behind," and " Those spindly legs make me quiver."


...
[Edited 7/27/05 6:54am]

Cow said:

It's the power that draws me, not your pummelled looks or absence of sex appeal.

I am Edwina Currie to your John Major, dear Cow.

Lleena said:

Wow, you're good at this.

So good, in fact, that I am suspicious that your and Cow's relationship may go further than merely advisory.
































say it ain't true!

TheFrog said:

I'm just trying to help nurture this beautiful relationship between you and Cow. I am acting solely in an advisory capacity and I would advise you to work on your seduction techniques as cows are rather sensitve creatures and if you make it obvious you are only trying to have your bovine way with them, they will bite you on the bottom, hard.


.....
[Edited 7/27/05 7:49am]

:boring: Yet another dose of Cow Propaganda, which is all lies! Just a few threads ago, Cow promised that his species were going to win Le Tour De France. Well, Armstrong won it, and no Cows even finished in the top twenty! Meanwhile, the CUDDD forces failed in their plot to take over France! I mean, c'mon, we in the resitance told them we wouldn't even fight them over that country, and they still failed! Hell, trained fleas can take over France, but not the cows! Just how successful do you think their revolution is going to be?

Oh, and the great Cow Oracle was captured and served up as a great steak dinner. I still have a few frozen if anyone wants to come over for dinner! Cow is desperately trying to make people believe that her messiah is still around, when she knows the truth.

The good news is, when the resitance forces engage the CUDDD army, we'll have one helluva barbeque! Brisket, anyone?

Iowa

The CUDDD army in Iowa was last spotted stuck at a river, unable to cross.



Scotland

The Cows fell quickly in Scotland, underestimating those "silly guys in skirts". Apparently, the Cows had never seen Braveheart


Prague

The Cows in Prague were defeated by their oldest nemesis: A fence!


El Salvador

The cows in El Salvador DID manage to stop traffic for a few hours. They were promplty butched by drug lords.

Lleena said:

work on my seduction techniques, eh?

this could be fun...

TheFrog said:

Have you ever seduced a cow? NO! and you're not doing very well froggy as your advances have already been spurned.

Cows dumb. Hopkins herd them back into pen, REVOLUTION OVER! Hopkins good dog!

JediMaster said:

Oh JediMaster. Closet vegan and master of propaganda. Your denial is both sad and endearing. First and foremost, Bossy the cow won the Tour, beating Armstrong's time by a good 10 minutes. But do you think the mainstream press would print that, taking away your human hero's final glory and what not. If you read the Cow York Time's, you would know the real deal. And disregard these lies of his, about 1) the CUDD army (the cow mobilization has NEVER been called that) and 2) the alleged death of the Oracle (who is very much alive and only last night gave a rousing two hour battle speech that has a cow crowd braying to the moon).

JedMaster, prepare to meet the wrath of several million cows. They just may visit your house first.