Thoughts for 7.18.05

Its funny how when you are getting ready for a change in your life, it hits you all at once. I got up today and realized I am leaving Chicago in two weeks, and 10 days later I am taking the biggest risk in life so far. I am leaving a city I have lived in for the past three years. I am leaving the comfort zone and the comfort of my parents who are only 2 hours away. I am leaving what I have known for so long for total uncertanty. I know I want to do this, and I know I have to do this, I am not 100% why, I just know I have to. When I got this all straight in my head I FREAKED OUT!! All day long I have been buggin about this. Its weird I am excited but scared as hell at the same time. The most overwhelming thing is the fear of failure. I can do this I know that...but there is that constant little annoying voice in the back of your head repeating..."what if you don't make it, what if you indeed fail." Its enough to drive a crazy person even more crazy. I sit and wonder if I should just take the easy road and forget about, or suck it up and do it the hard way. Of course since I like to do things the hard way, cause I am difficult like that, I am gonna suck it up. As I sit here with Boulevard of Broken Dreams playing...it makes me think about things the past three years. When I moved to Chicago, I came with dreams....dreams that I was never able to fullfill, nor do I want to fullfill them here any longer. I fell into that settling mode and overtime it ruined me. I was never this jaded. I used to love my job and to a point I used to love photography. I wonder if this is just part of life, or if it really was due to being overworked, by a company, giving up your life for them, traveling for them, and in the end they turned on you. I have not picked up a camera since I left that job. Nor do I plan on picking one up anytime soon. I have had to leave it, for how long I do not know, maybe someday I will go back to it, and if I do I hope I love it as I once did. I guess this can all be sumed up in one word "LIFE" I suppose I will be alright in the end, its just the anticipation, excitment & uncertinty that makes it the adventure its going to be.

You sound like you're on the right path now.

So, you're moving to Milwaukee?

sinisterpentatonic said:

You wish...

You'll be alright hun!

you're not planning for Melmak, are ya? Cuz i have to warn some ppl then

good luck on your new journey