Stupid things you've heard!

(after watching the 1st ever movie on my new DVD player and taking the disk out)

My wife: "Aren't you going to rewind it first?"

TMPletz said:

You should have thanked her for reminding you, spun it on your finger a bit while making a "vrrrrr" sound with your mouth and then put it back in the box.

retina said:

After telling someone what sized bags of ice we sold at the store I work in, 7 and 22 pound bags, respectively, I was asked:

"How big is a twenty-two pound bag?"

To which I replied,

"Well, imagine a bag, filled with twenty-two pounds of ice. How's that for ya?"

I wanted to say: "THIS AIN'T BRITAIN BITCH!"

a rather elderly lady approached me at a bus-stop one afternoon and asked if I would like a nibble of her taco.

wallysafford said:

that grandma's bold as hell

IrresistibleB1tch said:

That's fucking swift!

I do the veggie thing, and I called up to this place that is on my way to work, and asked for a pizza and all veggies on it. The convo then went like this:

Lady: Do you want olives?
Me: Yes. All the vegetables you have. No meat.
Lady: What about onions?
Me: Yes, those are vegetables. All the veggies, no meat.
Lady: What about pepperoni?

No shit. I just hung up.

"Milk is cow's blood!"





This is what this kid said out loud back in summer camp when I was younger.

Nero said:

people kill me!

"Do these stairs go up AND down?"

Anxiety said:

it WAS a little confusing...

this girl who was in my 9th grade english class thought that steak grew on trees.

IrresistibleB1tch said:

well, if you can walk UP some stairs, you can walk DOWN the damn things.

An old boyfriend of mine thought that chocolate milk came from brown cows and white milk from white cows...

You can see why he became my ex..


[Edited 7/18/05 18:06pm]

TMPletz said:

i finished repairing your car, here are some screws i had left over.

I have a year's worth of dumb questions when I lived in this small ass town in Germany. These poor folks hadn't seen a black person since WWII and I think I was the second person. Here are a few of the questions...

Yocal~Can I touch your skin?
Me~Go ahead. Why?
Yocal~I heard black people get lighter when you rub on their skin. That was how they were able to passover for white.

Yocal~Do you have a tail? I heard that you have an appendage at the end of your spine that sticks out.

And lastly, my all time favorite!!!!!

Yocals~We heard that you do not like being called Niger (which is german for black) so we will call you monkey lady? Would you prefer that or something else.

In 5th grade we were dissecting a lambs heart we were talkign about other animals and their hearts one of my best friends raised her hand (my science teacher was a nut job he was really funny) and goes
"Mr Lanzo...do fish have ears?" everyone just literally turned and stared at her...we still bother her with that till today and I'm 19 LOL.

In high school my friends and I were having lunch and we were talking about glasses and such. I told them that I wanted to get contacts but perhaps a green or a hazel color. Then one of my friends goes...
I think thats so stupid...
Me: But why?
Because don't you see green I mean why do you wanna see everything in another color
Me: Jackass if I get green contacts it don't mean I'm going to see everything in green. Seriously Brenda!


I'm sure everyone has had these what I like to call "Questions of the Century"
I get these everyday at work

Me- Dicing Onions...
"Cutting onions?"
Me: No I'm just here touching my self. (I continue to cut my onions)

Me- An Oven full of five sheet pans with cookies on them I putting another sheet pan in
"Are those your cookies?"
Me: People refer them to breasts but hey if you want to call the cookies be my guest.

Me- Stirring Soup
"Are you making soup?"
Me: No I like to take my break while stirring pots full of liquid.

Me- Making a pizza pie
":gasp: ARE YOU MAKIKNG A PIZZA PIE!?"
Me: :gasp: NOOOOO I'm making a new shirt out of this dough.


I usualy giggle after I say the comments back but sometimes I Get sooooo mad

BucketOfBouncyBalls said:

TMPletz said:

i'm gonna have to remember that one!

Anxiety said:

If you use it on stage, we want royalties.

TMPletz said:

Anxiety said:

LOL

TMPletz said:

LOL

ShySlantedEye1 said:

Let's see....some ignorant ass bitch at my job yeasterday called me and I quote "dumb white bitch, I know you would let me return this if I was white like you." I snapped my neck a couple of times, called the manager and walked away cause I was about to knock the ignorance right outa her stupid ass.

Bitch trying to return clothes she riped, saying that it was like that when she bought it....nevermind the fact it was a brown babydoll dress and you could see deoderant stains on it from when she wore it. Plus, there were no original tags on from when she bought it. I mean come on everyone knows if you are going to buy something wear it then return it you must use clear roll on deoderant and leave the tags on when you wear it, you just have to hide them. Atleast carefully take the tags off and keep them then bring in the tags when you bring in the damn dress. Fuck come on if your going to do shit like that do it right.

Mostbeautifulgrlntheworld said:

I think you sound sexy when you get all in a tuff over retail.

Grocery store
My hometown
I'm in line with my bi-racial daughters. The teenage checker says to me, "Oh, they're so cute. Where'd you get them?" I looked at my daughters and back at her. I replied, "They're mine." She continued, "I know, but where did you GET them." I said, "They came from my womb."
At this point you could literally hear her brain cells firing. She finished off her shining moment by then saying, "Oh....where's their Dad?"
LIKE HE MUST BE IN PRISON OR SOMETHING !!!!

UN F'ING believeable...