Perhaps it’s the multiplying renegade gray hairs that are cropping up on my normally black and golden locks of hair. Perhaps it’s the spots and creases appearing on what once used to be a latex smooth face. Perhaps it’s the little moles and freckles showing signs of age and revealing the relentless beat of time. Perhaps it’s only my vanity.

The nerves and joints in my body fire signals that serve as a constant reminder that the riot of youth is gone. You see, in your early 20’s, the future is very much an uncharted country on the other side of the ocean. But as a man in my 30’s, I’m actually navigating the rough seas wondering if the voyage lands in the new world or on some desolate island alone. And like the conquistadors, will I have done so searching for vain riches or some fountain of youth, only to have harmed people—only to serve the emperor of ice-cream?

Life is Struggle. A child struggles out of the womb that once nourished him, into a cold, bright noisy riot of a world. He struggles to understand the swirling sounds and physical sensations he has little control over. He struggles to communicate, to understand, and to become something more than an empty sheet of paper. Without the struggle, he would be little more than a useless mound of flesh.

I once read a story about a little girl who saw a butterfly struggling to escape it’s chrysalis and enter the world in all its grandeur. The process was slow and agonizing to watch, seeming to take forever. The girl then feels uncontrollable pity on the butterfly and pushes it out of the chrysalis. In doing so the butterfly was freed, but completely unable to fly. It limped around, handicapped and earthbound-a certain death sentence.

In her well intended pursuit to help this creature she harmed it. You see, in the struggle to escape the chrysalis, the butterfly loses much of the fluid in it’s wings and body that it retained as a caterpillar. In helping the creature, she denied it of this process, and the butterfly was released into the world bloated of this fluid, which was harmful outside of its little cacoon.

I have known people I wanted to help. Indeed, I know people I want to help now. You see, I’m tired of assisting those who should help themselves. But people aren’t butterflies. Maybe in not helping them, I may be allowing them to follow down a self-destructive path. Perhaps, I myself, am going down such a path, delusional in my boredom with life. I just don’t know anymore.

But I do know one thing. The struggle continues. The voyage is long. And I need to make some real decisions.

And you?.

[Edited 7/15/05 21:51pm]
[Edited 7/15/05 22:41pm]

FIRST!!!!!



Oh god....I wish I wasn't now.

althom said:

AsianBomb777 said:

That pretty much sums it up.

CarrieMpls said:

I don't care what anybody says, your 30's (at least your early 30s) sucks.
And it sucks profoundly.

CarrieMpls said:

Besides maybe my oft-used quote of late; life sucks.

AB - I can't decide if I prefer your introspective flashes of brilliance, or your humor. And I will try to forgive you for saying: little more than a useless mound of flesh.

Fleshofmyflesh said:

Would U enjoy your vacation already!

HamsterHuey said:

How did this one get so few replies?

There is no justice on this forum.

Now, to find a pussy thread. I'll read all this later.


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[Edited 7/16/05 18:46pm]

Fauxie said:

I spotted genius.
So I posted.

HamsterHuey said:

Where? What was the thread called? I want to post there too!

Fauxie said:

Hahaha! Besides the main post of this thread, which I am sure AB stole from an unexpecting lesbian somewhere, I found you suggesting account deletions!

While I just wanted to engage!

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[Edited 7/16/05 19:17pm]

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[Edited 7/16/05 19:21pm]

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[Edited 7/16/05 19:16pm]

Stop that!

Fauxie said:

.
[Edited 7/16/05 19:21pm]

HamsterHuey said:

Grrrrr!

Nobody's making any sense.

Fauxie, are you trying to take Huey away from me again?

donk said:

I gladly be your yoyo.

HamsterHuey said:

Aw, just share, will ya!

There's enough Huey for both