I got this in fwd email...I thought you guys might like..

"Discuss amoungst yourselves"




1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the
hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask
where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to
search the entire room for the tv remote because they
refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel
manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your
cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake
if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you
look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep
looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who
and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see
that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and
stare at the damned floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is
it? If it's new, then there has never been anything
before it. If it's an improvement, then there must
have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hey??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What
can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks
"Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be
standing here?

Another fwd

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."


The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.


We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.


You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.


You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.


You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."


The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"


The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Thought for the day...

Some people are like Slinkies...
Not really good for anything,
But they still bring a smile to your face
when you push them down a flight of stairs.

AMEN

Here's my list:

1) People

That is all.

Oh yeah, and horses. They suck too!

> A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself.
But desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the
3-day / 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there was a knock on his door, and when he answered, there stood before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady dressed in nothing but air and some Nike running shoes with a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign read, "If
you can catch me, you can have me!"

Without a second thought he took off after her. A few miles
later, huffing and puffing, he finally caught her and had his way with her.
After they were through and she left, he thought to himself,
"I like the way this company does business!"
The same girl showed up for the next two days and the same thing happened.

On the fourth day, he weighed himself and was delighted to
find he had lost 10 lbs. as promised

He called the company and ordered their 5-day /20 pound program.
The next day there was a knock on the door and there stood the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life,wearing nothing
but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that
read, "If you catch me, you can have me." He was out the door after her like a shot. This girl was in excellent shape and it took him a while to catch
her, but when he did, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happened. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighed himself and found he had lost another 20 lbs, as promised.


He decided to go for broke and called the company to order the
7-day / 50 pound program.



"Are you sure?" asked the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."




"Absolutely," he replied, "I haven't felt this good in years"









The next day there was a knock at the door and when he opened it he found a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing butpink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read, "If I catch you, you're mine."

Can I just list 9 PEOPLE that I hate??

JoeyMFinCoco said:

we know you love spam

jerseykrs said:

NO!

Cow said:

no equine hate please.

... love it Juniper!

jerseykrs said:

JuniperBeans said:

~Sales in department stores that advertise everything is discounted "Up to 50% off, and more"...What the hell?? If it's up to 50% off, then it can't be more...and if there's something that's more than 50% off, then it's not "up to" 50% off, is it??...

Freakin' morons...

Reincarnate said:

i'm glad
and i love your icon!!!

JuniperBeans said:

Thankyou