indulge me if you would

Forums > General Discussion > indulge me if you would

« Previous topic

Next topic »

Page 3 of 3 <1 23

New topic

Printable (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)

Reply #60 posted 07/01/05 3:20am

Muse2NOPharaoh	Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Good read!
	- E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator

Reply #61 posted 07/01/05 4:05am

LisasBrush	Muse2NOPharaoh said: Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Good read! thanks for provoking thought! noituloveryxesevolasildnaydnew is the water warm enough?
	- E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator

Reply #62 posted 07/02/05 6:21am

Electrostar

avatar

Somewhere along this merry road I’ve been walking, the real self – known only to I – and the external self - separated. 7 years ago the separation reached such an extreme that I self destructed. I had the job. A lady who could grace any fashion magazine. An external personality that could get whatever I desired. But it was always the fantasy external personality that was in view. I never actually let anyone get close to ME. A fear of intimacy.

Following self destruction - like a volcano with bits of me being flung for miles. Larva pouring out. Incredible sadness. I started to mend. A long hard process. But this is the path I am on now. And will never leave.

Turns out from reading and reading and observation this fear of intimacy came from a very low self esteem. And that came from a family environment that was ‘perfect’ from the outside. And an aggressive hell inside. I never learned to how to get close to people. Even family. My brothers are the same. One was quite introverted. One lives for the needle.

Now I’m beginning to live for meeting people and forming genuine friendships. I’ve thrown many friendships away in the last few years as when I looked in the mirror we just were not compatible.

Thanks Muse!

As equality grows, violence declines.

- E-mail - orgNote -

Report post to moderator

Reply #63 posted 07/02/05 7:40am

madartista

avatar

Electrostar said:

Thank U!

let me come over it's a beautiful day to play with you in the dark
http://elmadartista.tumblr.com/
http://twitter.com/madartista

- E-mail - orgNote -

Report post to moderator

Reply #64 posted 07/02/05 12:03pm

Electrostar

avatar

madartista said:

Electrostar said:

Thank U!

Thank U!

As equality grows, violence declines.

- E-mail - orgNote -

Report post to moderator

Reply #65 posted 07/02/05 12:54pm

Raine

avatar

no people dont know me well here or anywhere else for that matter.
i dont open up easily and find showing my feelings especially difficult.
lurking

- E-mail - orgNote -

Report post to moderator

Reply #66 posted 07/02/05 1:53pm

Muse2NOPharaoh

Electrostar said:

Understood.

- E-mail - orgNote -

Report post to moderator

Reply #67 posted 07/02/05 4:26pm

SynthiaRose

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

How willing are you to be known? Do you run in a circle of pretension or is there within you a willingness to be known? What I speak of is not a judgment... It is a freedom many never experience.

To be known is very freeing.

So I ask ... how willing to be known are you? Here ... there or anywhere?

I love being known or as Prince would say naked, stripped to my soul..

But I'm intensely selective. I don't share my personality with everyone.

I'm very formal and cold, even bitchy to most people.

But when I really like you, I'm giggly, dramatic, passionate, funny, sensual .. people have commented ... it's a very noticeable change.

Formality is my "circle of pretension" that sends a 'fuck you, get away from me' to 90 percent of the world.

Truly, most of the world doesn't deserve the 'real you.'

But I've got to tell you, this vacillating between cold vs. hot, closed-off vs. vulnerable and open ... can really numb your soul and exhaust your spirit.

I'm not sure it's the best approach.

But sometimes I've been really open, sweet and kind to people and then ... they wish me to fail, wanna compete or tear me down, betray me, talk behind my back.

So ... I became a bitch neutral