How willing are you to be known? Do you run in a circle of pretension or is there within you a willingness to be known? What I speak of is not a judgment... It is a freedom many never experience.

To be known is very freeing.

So I ask ... how willing to be known are you? Here ... there or anywhere?

I don't think I'm known here well at all, or in a lot of places for that matter. In many areas, there is a "circle of pretension" that is my security net.

But there is a circle in my life that knows me well. And that circle widens as I know myself more and feel safe to leave the "circle of pretension." Thanks for asking.

There's no pretense within my world, never has been...but I do tend to internalize many moments, problems and thoughts (the less-than-positive ones anyway). I've never been one to let anyone know if I'm sad or troubled or depressed...I tend to be the listener/counselor, and nobody really asks their counselor if they're doing ok. I would deal with things in solitude until I felt it was under control or solved, then I might let in one or two very close intimates into my thoughts and feelings. But even then, I would downplay what I went thru for the most part. I don't know if it was a fear of vunerability or decades of feeling as if I couldn't be myself with anyone to any significant level, like I had to hide that "real" part of myself away. Maybe it was both.

I'm a lot more open now than I think I ever have been in my entire life, though...this post is probably evidence of that. *smile*

Byron said:

I relate to all of that very well!

Byron said:

We spent an evening not so long ago that was very real.... (Poor Sweeny bared with)

So, do you find it better to be revealed?

madartista said:

I know you well intuitively as well as literally ... in that experience I find it freeing...

I'm not speaking in some bumble jumble bullshit form..... I am speaking from a level of sincerity. Here of all places I would think it would be easy to be revealed and therefore known but as I know, even here.... many feel unsafe revealed. What difference is it? I mean no one can kill you really... yes they can use sharp words to target you but in fact they attack themselves.... They reveal the lack within. It is there own position on display. So what really holds you back from being known?

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

It's always better to be revealed...

And I think Sweeny was as appreciative of that evening as I was...lol

Byron said:

Indeed I think that true... although we were exhausting...

Damn u, Muse! Here I go:

A couple of weeks ago I had a complete emotional breakdown. Cried like I never have before. About me. I was with my brother, someone who I know I can be myself with. I've been very reflective for the past couple of months, as I'm not working and really deciding what step to take to lead the life I want to live, and that I was born to lead. I've been staying with my parents, and going through my personal archives while I'm here. I've read papers I wrote in jr high, high school, and college. Re-examined my whole life. And realized how hard I have been on myself. How closed up I've been. And how much I've kept people out. I'm not known because I'm very selective about who knows me. And that is very sad. And it's going to change.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Did you see this?
http://www.prince.org/msg/105/151320

Circle of pretension, nah that doesn't apply to me
Those closest to me, they basically know me inside out.
If people are willing to want to know me, cool, i will give them what they would like to know about me.
I am happy to be known & dare i say people are happy to know me.
Wherever i go, i usually let those know i am here.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

My own solitude keeps me from being known....It's not out of fear or being insincere....If one asks me questions in order to really get to know me I will answer them. The fact is not many ask people these questions...they only ask "surface" questions that will only get "surface" answers....Im a ask and I will tell you person....If you don't ask I don't feel the need to show you.

madartista said:

I do love you!

Sinister said:

Does it make you feel lonely?

Now, absolutely.

Before-hell no.

I've more recently dealt with a lot of things from my past that were holding me back and kept me from being as happy as I wanted to be, and whereas before I'd be hiding behind any chance of distancing myself from the world, now I relish in the fact that I can be me, and I love life.

I'm not afraid to be known anymore, nope.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I think many people here (and elsewhere online) use this place as a way to "escape without leaving"...I know I did (and still do, in a way...only to a much, much lesser degree).

I also think that the overwhelming majority of us do indeed reveal ourselves and let ourselves be known in a place like this...the person we are when all roles and catagories are removed...when we're not someone's husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, someone's mother or father...someone's son or daughter, someone's employee or brother or sister. If we're lucky, our relationships will allow us to be ourselves 100% without issues of vunerability...we'll trust that our parents or partners or lovers or kids or siblings will love and understand us no matter what we show them of ourselves, even if they don't quite agree with us emotionally or spiritually.

But if not...well, there's always that online community where nobody expects anything of us and we can express that goofy or immature or sexual or spiritual side without the vunerability. Not everyone does, of course...some just put on veneers and make up personalities to use, as if this is all role playing. But I think the majority of us express and reveal a very real part of ourselves here.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

In my youth it did but as I got older and more wise and secure it doesn't...Im not really hiding anything im just not walking around with all my cards on the table all the time.

not that much, actually. it is good to be known by a few
and to know a few in return.

but as soon as you start to stick out amongst a crowd it
opens you up to many interactions (not always bad tho) n
I find, personally, that I don't have enough time anymore
to get to do the things I want to do. being known is very
time consuming.

being honest and revealing however, is another thing tho.
I'm honest to a very high degree with almost everyone I
talk to and get to know. Perhaps because I've been lied
to too many times before and can't sympathise or relate
to liars anymore. Perhaps because I've always felt that
it is better to be turned down for something you believe
in than to be accepted for something you fabricated.

And since we're being honest and revealing, I must admit
that I think, perhaps, I missunderstood the question and
just wrote a lot of bollocks lol. So feel free to correct
me and nudge me into the right direction if I got it off
the mark

Sinister said:

That's good because then people yell "Go fish!" and try to steal your sandwiches.

It's all fucked really.

IstenSzek said:

you had me tearing up and cracking up in the same post!!!

subhuman09a said:

oh how I have missed you...

madartista said:

that would be me, yes

wish you lived closer man!

My character has a tendency to only include people who somehow already know me. People who pass my character 'filter' if you will, tend to know me pretty good.
I do not seek being known. I'll tell you if you ask, until i feel your question is out of my bounds, then i'll tell you that as well.

Seems like sinister and me got a lot in common there.

Sinister said:

Brother from another mother, damn straight.

Funny how they never believe me.

Barry White's my daddy!

IstenSzek said:

me, too. one day!

IstenSzek said:

Loud and clear!!

Sinister said:

Understood.

AlfofMelmak said:

What gives one carte blanche to enter the character filter zone?

IstenSzek said:

i'm remembering now that a couple of years ago I bought a German CD -- Die Witt? -- because you said on a thread that it made you cry. Emotion doesn't -- or didn't - come so easy to me, and that a song moved you to tears amazed me. I had to hear the song to try and understand. Alas, it didn't make me cry. I was too closed up then, AND I had no clue what the frick they were saying, but for the last 2 weeks I can cry pretty much on cue!!!