The "Cow Revolution" suffered a stunning defeat today as hundreds of troops for the Cow Unilateral Defenders of Dairy Destiny (CUDDD) were slaughtered on the battlefield. The Militant Bovine organization, known for its zealous credo that preaches the overthrow of humanity, had led an attack against the home of Jedi Master, military advisor on the War on Cow Terrorism.

Speaking in a press conference, Jedi Master stated that they had intelligence that alerted the military to the stampede ahead of time. Awaiting the cows was a military unit, specially trained by stockyard workers in Omaha, Nebraska. The Cow unit was completely wiped out, and are now being processed as tasty cuts of beef for the brave troops who put down this insurrectionist attempt on the life of the brave commander who has dared to oppose the CUDDD plot. "These cows are terrorists, plain and simple. They aren't sweet little holsteins" said a determinded Jedi Master, "They have to be stopped before someone gets hurt".

The attack was believed to be orchestrated by the enigmatic Stee'r 'al Tend'rLoin, the leader of CUDDD, as a retaliation for the slaughtering of Cow Cleric Moo-Ah El'simay. El'simay was believed by the Cows to be an oracle, prophesising a new world order with cows as the rulers. A spokescow of Tend'rLoin, in a videotape sent to a local television television, vowed that the cows would avenge their cleric shortly before the attack began.

"We know this isn't the end" said Jedi Master, "we are well aware of the continuing threat of this small group of walking refrigerators to peace and security. I promise you, they will be defeated!"

Still at large is human traitor XxAxX, known as the "Benedict Arnhold" of the Cow movement. XxAxX is considered to be extremely dangerous, though mostly to herself.

Associated Press

JediMaster said:

This is human propaganda and is completely false. None of the cow figures mentioned exist and the Oracle is very much alive. JediMaster is trying to quell the actual Cow Revolution by making up falsehoods. Bovine readers out there, be assured that none of this is true.

JediMaster is delusional and cannot be trusted!

Cow said:

Oh yeah? The steaks in my feezer beg to differ. Your "oracle" tasted great with a little A1 sauce!

JediMaster said:

The Oracle says to forgive you for your blatant lies and meat-eating taunts but I just want to kick your human ass. What to do, what to do...oh Oracle grant me the patience not to kick JediMaster's ass.

Cows should be more worried about the Martians coming down and turning them
inside out or setting them on fire again.


Ack-ack ack ack-ack-ack!

http://marsattacks.warner...-game.html


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[Edited 6/29/05 12:48pm]

C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G! C-P-G!

QUE VIVA PARA SIEMPRE!!!!

Listen 2 me PEOPLE I got a story 2 tell
I know there was confusion, red meat all around me
That's when I called his name
And don't u, Cow found me!

Madartista what can be done to convert people like JediMaster? You too were one a brutal bloodthirsty carnivore but now are completely turned around. You are an inspiration. You must help me with your fellow bipeds who go through life with meat-colored glasses.

You do a cow proud. Really.

JediMaster said:

This is human propaganda and is completely false. None of the cow figures mentioned exist and the Oracle is very much alive. JediMaster is trying to quell the actual Cow Revolution by making up falsehoods. Bovine readers out there, be assured that none of this is true.

JediMaster is delusional and cannot be trusted!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/h...632965.stm

Stupid cows made me late for work yesterday

rocknrollisalive said:

so it had nothing to do with your ability to actually get out of bed then


poor cows

p0pstar said:

/

Cow said:

BRING IT!!! I got space in my freezer ESPECIALLY for you!! You can be with your beloved Oracle once again!

Cow said:

I have no answer for your question. One week ago I was firmly in his camp, ready to slaughter on sight. And then something just changed. The Great Cow in the sky reached down and touched my heart. I'm sorry, I get a little choked up....

rocknrollisalive said:

so it had nothing to do with your ability to actually get out of bed then


poor cows

Cow said:

know! Like I said, I saw some Cows by the Casino, they were up to something

I have been out of the loop on the goings on today but I will tell you that we have been doing some genetic splicing and have created a "supercow" that will rid of us of the scourge known as JediMaster once and for all.

JediMaster would you please be kind enough to send me your home address. There is someone who would like to meet you that I'm sending your way.

I notice the CUDDD spokesman on this site, as well as his little species-traitor crony are silent on this issue. The crony will probably just go "quote" me with some crack-headed statement anyway.

Can't face reality that your revolution is DOOMED!!!!!

I have been out of the loop on the goings on today but I will tell you that we have been doing some genetic splicing and have created a "supercow" that will rid of us of the scourge known as JediMaster once and for all.

JediMaster would you please be kind enough to send me your home address. There is someone who would like to meet you that I'm sending your way.