I was 18. A straight A student. A quiet, shy, slightly dorky kid. Certainly only a shadowy blueprint of the man I was to become. Certainly, I was self-conscious to the point that mere mention of my name would horrify me among my peers and adults alike. I was lost in a hostile and indifferent world.

I worked for a Chinese family in their restaurant called the “Sautee House”—best Chinese food in Birmingham Alabama, if that says very much. Albert, the founder and owner had long ago moved to California to be a pilot, and he left the place to be run by his loud older sister Irene, and his flamboyantly gay brother, Kham.

My father hated me. Well, hate could be a very strong word. But let’s just say, he would have not minded me just disappearing from the face of the earth. When I was 16 years old, I had made up my mind that I would stop talking to him even though we lived in the same house. Oddly enough, this was very easy to do since he never talked to me. So for two years there was silence. Not a single word spoken between us. It was one of those unwritten bi-laws that dysfunctional families sometimes live by to keep from killing each other.

My mother, who lived in utter fear of my father, did his bidding at the expense of his two “wayward children”, my sister and I. I can’t slight her too much for being this way, as it was not an evil trait so much as a cowardly one. And certainly, being in a foreign country, among people who constantly remind you of your unworthiness can have it’s affects on people. But it is very weakness in her that lead her to condone what my father did.

I was thrown out of my house on a cold November morning 2 weeks before my 19th birthday. The thing about being kicked out of your house is all the things that once were important ( studying for an exam, the upcoming party that I would simply feel awkward at, or the new Prince album) just didn’t matter anymore. You descend Maslow’s hierarchy of needs faster than the speed of light. Food, Shelter, Saftey—at 18 years of age, these things are horrifying ideas if you have to actually attain them.

And amid all this survival mode contemplation, I still kept asking myself, “God—why is it you take so much pleasure in watching me emotionally die?”. I can only describe my feelings as exactly matching the Prince song “There is lonely”.

I failed all 3 of my college exams that week, unable to concentrate. I dropped all three classes and that cost me about 400 bucks (a lot of money in 1990).

I crashed at my friend Mandy’s house, but knew I couldn’t stay there for more than a night or two. The next day I went begging to all the guys I knew who had lived. They all turned me down for one reason or another, but the underlying theme to it all was “it’s not my problem.”

Finally, I asked Kham. Now, let me tell you that I have not always been free of homophobia. And Kham was not a regular gay man—this guy was fire engine flaming. Flamboyant and colorfully dressed like a songbird. Without hesitation he said yes.

A gay man—someone who’m I’ve kidded and ridiculed behind his back, excepted me into his home without so much as a second thought.

It was in that moment that I realized, “I have been betrayed by my own flesh and blood and this guy has agreed to give me the very basic things that they would not—food and shelter”

This is why I don’t hate gays. And to think my parents had legal rights to family they don’t.

Now, why doesn’t life suck?

Well, because I was so broke and poor, so in my desperation, I joined the United States Air Force. It was an instant reinvention of who I was. I became “donk”, a moniker I live with till this day. I lived in Germany for 2 years, seeing Paris and Luxemburge among other places, and made the best friends I’ve ever had, even till this day.

I moved to Tampa, out of blind luck from trading with some dude who didn’t want to go to Tampa, and befriended a guy who would later end up being my brother-in-law. He and my sister gave me two of the most beautiful newphews you could ask for, and they live a blessed and charmed life. My brother-in-law and I were nothing alike yet for some weird reason, we started hanging out just 3 weeks before my sister flew down to visit me (just out of the blue, since I had not seen her in 3 years). A series of very strange and unlikely circumstances all just came together that year.

So that cold, dreary, November morning wasn’t so bad was it? Because from that seemingly horrible event, sprouted the fruits that my family now enjoys.

Sometimes, even when things seem impossibly bad, it’s not always about you. And it always gets better.

cool story

AnckSuNamun said:

Does that mean you'll sleep with me?

I was riveted by that. Well done, sir. I think u have a great attitude.

AsianBomb777 said:

maybe

TeaAndTe said:

Thanks!

Not that we're friends or anything.

AsianBomb777 said:

Pffffft!

CynthiasSocks said:

Does this mean, you'll sleep with me?

AsianBomb777 said:

No jokes tonight, i can barely type, a great story!

jerseykrs said:

AsianBomb777 said:

But that doesn't explain why they hate you...

j/k (I couldn't resist the joke. )

Great story ab, though obviously painful a times, and nicely told.

I always thought Donk was a riff on DOOK...

2the9s said:

Even if you would have left it at just the joke, I would have known where you were coming from.


ASS!

Wow, AB. I can't describe what I felt reading your story. You must be a really strong guy to be able to handle all that. I don't know if I would've been able to handle it that well. I'm sorry that you didn't have a great relationship with your parents.

We can all learn from this story. I realize how lucky I was. Did you ever forgive your father? Did you ever find out why he was the way he was?





m

parents can be our worst enemys and or best motivators to make something of ourselves.

well done sweetie

always a silver lining.

I liked the movie better

Am i supposed to read that

AzurePanther said:

The best part is when he lived in sin with the gay guy

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

He passed away from a heart attack my second year back in the states. We hadn't spoken since I was 16. During his funeral some of his old friends (I never knew he actually had friends other than some guy living in the philipines) told me stories about them that stunned and shocked me--he actually had a life at one time.

That's a whole other story.

I don't often want to uplift people so I'm not sure I'll ever post it.

AsianBomb777 said:

Ok i read it, im glad good people still exist

AzurePanther said:

Does this mean you'll sleep with me?

AsianBomb777 said:

AzurePanther said:

Sounds like a maybe to me.

Just posting to see if you are going to ask me the same question

AsianBomb777 said:

Arent you supposed to be in bed?

AsianBomb777 said:

Hehehe. Self-hate would not be pretty either!

Anyways, nice story.

Gays, Abandonment, Pimp & Circumstance?

HamsterHuey said: