Little Johnny in Maths Class

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"why?" asks his father
"The teacher said 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said '6'"
"But thats right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'"
"Whats the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"Thats what I said!

Is this your son?

Little Johnny and the Vagina

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said , "Johhny, this is where you come from."
Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny".
"Why?" one asked
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd."

althom said:

Ocean said:

It is isn't it!

althom said:

NO grrrr

Ocean said:

Don't be ashamed of him.....he sounds like fun!

althom said:

I'll drop him off at ur place then lol

Ocean said:

I don't want his potty mouth anywhere near me thank you! lol

Ocean, more little Johnny jokes! Please!!!!!

Ocean said:

heh heh.

TheFrog said:

(Credit to your honesty and boldness for giggling at that bruv I admire you )

senik said:

bitch!

Ocean said:

Ok the Johnny jokes get more rude after that lol so


A COUPLE WENT ON VACATION TO A FISHING RESORT UP NORTH.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife prefererred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat, pulled up alongside and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are u doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied as she thought to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?
"Your in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But officer I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Well, you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write u up."
:If you do that I will charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," groused the sheriff
"Yes, that's true ...but u have all the equipment...."

Ocean said:

A man and woman are getting all snugly in bed
The passion is heating up
But then the lady stops and says, "I don't feel like it< I just want u to hold me."
The guy says "WHAT??"

The lady explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. Then he realises that nothing is going to happen tonight and migt as well deal with it.

So the next day the man takes her shopping at a big department store. they walk around and he has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells her to take all three of them.

The they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each, and the they go to the jewellery department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The lady is so excited. She thinks her guy has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet.

He says, "you don't even play tennis, but OK if u like it then let's get it." The woman is jumping up and down so excited she cannot believe what is going on.

She says "I am ready to go to the cash register."

The man stops and says, "No, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

The woman's face goes blank.

He continues - "I just wanted uou to HOLD THIS stuff for a while."

The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode.

The guy says, "You need to be IN TUNE WITH MY financial needs as a Man."

Ocean said:

You've been talking to my ex....haven't you... :lol;

Steadwood said:

Ocean said:

....You're even starting to look like her there...( )...

Steadwood said:

lol

Admit it.
Little Johny is just a metaphor for Ocean back when she was a little girl, isn't it?

AsianBomb777 said:

Ur as bad as Althom

Ocean said:

That's not a denial.

AsianBomb777 said:

no one believes a word I say anyway *pout*

Ocean said:

Ok ...This on this occasion I'll take the punishment.....

..

This ones a little naughty.....

This man comes in late from work. His wife rushes up to him and asks him "where the hell have you been?"
"I've been out getting a tattoo" he says
"A tattoo?. What did u get?" she asks
"I got a tattoo of a hundred dollar bill on my penis"
"why the hell did u do that?" she asks
"well, I like to watch my money grow, every now and then play with my money and I though instead of u going out shopping, you can stay home and blow a hundred bucks anytime u want!!!"
[Edited 6/21/05 18:28pm]

Ocean said:

That one reminds me of a scene in the movie The Doom Generation where a girl discovers that the guy has Jesus tattooed on his dick when they're about to have sex. He tells her that "I want all the women to be able to say that they've had Jesus in them" and she seems more excited about getting his Jesus dick than she's uncomfortable with the implication that he's had lots of other women.