New topic
PrintableHeavenly said: Women
 can't live with them and you can't lick your own elbow. 
  | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
KaleidoscopeEyes said: Fauxie said: Simply put, my wife wants to settle down and have children, but finds it hard to give up a partying lifestyle, especially when her sister is living here and going out a lot. That is the issue in question.
Sounds to me like maybe she has a drinking problem. If she can't "control herself" enough to leave the bar before 2 a.m. (you even used the word "powerless" in regards to her and a bar..) and come home to her husband even though she knows her actions will cause strife in the marriage, and she's finding it basically impossible to separate herself from a "partying lifestyle" (even though you said she'd LIKE to do so, and even wants to have children), then maybe what's happening is more than merely a character problem on her part...Maybe she's got an alcohol problem. Bars and drinking, and the partying lifestyle, shouldn't be things or activities that someone is "powerless" against, or something someone can't control. And if that stuff is soooo out of a person's control that it's affecting their relationships, or how they manage other aspects of their life, I dunno...maybe there is an addiction issue going on. 
 I think it's the bar, the partying, and the dancing, more than the alcohol. I can't remember her drinking at home in the last 2 or 3 months. She only drinks when she goes out. Hardly the behaviour of an alcoholic. A recurring addiction to a past way of life perhaps. It's funny though. She'll not going out at all for a month, like last month, and then she'll go out three times in one week, like this month. Again, I think having her sister here going out a lot is a bad influence. Her sister is separated from her husband and has never really been out clubbing much. Straight from school to marriage with a Thai, then divorced and straight into marriage with a foreigner. Right now she's enjoying her freedom and just learning about a life she never had when she was young (she's 34). It seems my wife has been dragged into it. I should probably have added at the beginning of this thread that while she used to go out a lot like this in the past, and has done since, she hasn't always done so for the whole time we've been married. There have been times when she's not gone out much at all. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
NoodleSoup said: AlienX2050 said: Oh, I'm looking at your age. Okay. Man, you won't know exactly what it is that you want until you get 35. She pronbably already knows. Women know that really soon. Men are stupid until the age 35. ... 
I may be a lot of negative things, but one thing that would be clear to anybody is that I am not stupid. I doubt I'm alone in being male and under 35 and not stupid. Posts are just posts but to some extent they do betray your level of intelligence. I don't feel intimidated seeing mine next to yours. 
notstupidnotstupidnotstupidedit [Edited 6/20/05 8:28am] Oh, this is the attack of the noodle soup, huh? Men don't know what the fuck that want until the late 30's. Men in their 20's only want one thing and that's sex. Romance is sex to them. I don't care fi you don't think you think with your pecker or not. .. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Ex-Moderator |
Fauxie said: rocknrolldave said: ...or you could just follow my example and let it keep happening and just be pissed off about it a lot...?
Do as I say, not do as I do Exactly! 
A kindred spirit! My pissed off is more like most peoples' indifferent though. I find it hard to get too upset. She's was always a good girl and all the changes I've seen in her since I met her have been positive. In some ways she's put more in that I have, though she was more of a rough diamond than I. I understand that nobody's perfect. This is an ongoing work in progress like any other relationship and as long as we're moving in the right direction I'm sure we'll get there in the end. If not, I'll just be pissed off about it.  Ay least you have a good attitude about it. Which is really the important thing. Sounds like you just need to tell her how you feel about it all. Things will either change or they won't, but asking her to tell the truth and/or call when she'll be late sounds like a reasonable request to me.
Communication with a loved one or partner can sometimes be harder than we think. You would think it would be easy to simply make a request, or your general complaint known and then take logical steps to improve the situation (on both parts, whether that means one person changes or the other person's perception of the situation changes or a little bit of both) but it's so often easier said than done... I wonder why that is? |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AlienX2050 said: NoodleSoup said:
I may be a lot of negative things, but one thing that would be clear to anybody is that I am not stupid. I doubt I'm alone in being male and under 35 and not stupid. Posts are just posts but to some extent they do betray your level of intelligence. I don't feel intimidated seeing mine next to yours.
notstupidnotstupidnotstupidedit [Edited 6/20/05 8:28am] Oh, this is the attack of the noodle soup, huh? Men don't know what the fuck that want until the late 30's. Men in their 20's only want one thing and that's sex. Romance is sex to them. I don't care fi you don't think you think with your pecker or not. .. Regarding your post: No. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
CarrieMpls said: Fauxie said: Exactly!
A kindred spirit! My pissed off is more like most peoples' indifferent though. I find it hard to get too upset. She's was always a good girl and all the changes I've seen in her since I met her have been positive. In some ways she's put more in that I have, though she was more of a rough diamond than I. I understand that nobody's perfect. This is an ongoing work in progress like any other relationship and as long as we're moving in the right direction I'm sure we'll get there in the end. If not, I'll just be pissed off about it. Ay least you have a good attitude about it. Which is really the important thing. Sounds like you just need to tell her how you feel about it all. Things will either change or they won't, but asking her to tell the truth and/or call when she'll be late sounds like a reasonable request to me.
Communication with a loved one or partner can sometimes be harder than we think. You would think it would be easy to simply make a request, or your general complaint known and then take logical steps to improve the situation (on both parts, whether that means one person changes or the other person's perception of the situation changes or a little bit of both) but it's so often easier said than done... I wonder why that is? Thank you. Excellent advice as ever Carrie. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I don't blame you for being upset. Especially about the saying-one-thing-doing-another bit. If it were twice a year, well. . . whatever. . . but twice a week. Yeah.
All I can say is to make sure when you talk to her about it that it's not about her going out on her own or having her own time, it's the part about keeping her word. Just to avoid her feeling controlled.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AlienX2050 said: NoodleSoup said:
I may be a lot of negative things, but one thing that would be clear to anybody is that I am not stupid. I doubt I'm alone in being male and under 35 and not stupid. Posts are just posts but to some extent they do betray your level of intelligence. I don't feel intimidated seeing mine next to yours.
notstupidnotstupidnotstupidedit [Edited 6/20/05 8:28am] Oh, this is the attack of the noodle soup, huh? Men don't know what the fuck that want until the late 30's. Men in their 20's only want one thing and that's sex. Romance is sex to them. I don't care fi you don't think you think with your pecker or not. .. If I wanted only sex I could not be the right person for my wife. Trust me on that. Everybody is different. Everybody needs different things and wants different things. To generalize like u've done is to deny these differences in people. I'm right for my wife because, among other things, I do know what I want and don't only want sex. ... [Edited 6/20/05 8:47am] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
tackam said: I don't blame you for being upset. Especially about the saying-one-thing-doing-another bit. If it were twice a year, well. . . whatever. . . but twice a week. Yeah.
All I can say is to make sure when you talk to her about it that it's not about her going out on her own or having her own time, it's the part about keeping her word. Just to avoid her feeling controlled. I'll bear that in mind. Thanks for your contributions. I appreciate it.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
this whole thread! 
sorry fauxie you just have to talk and comprimise. tell her how you feel. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
honeypot69 said: this whole thread!
sorry fauxie you just have to talk and comprimise. tell her how you feel.
I'm so glad I started it. It's my most successful thread EVER! I never would've got this many posts if I'd have said it was about 'my friend'. 
I'm starting to think I shouldn't have burdened 'my friend' with the genital warts, small penis, baldness and bad breath.
How are you HoneyPotSugarBrownBabyHey69? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Ok, so she just called me from the payphone outside 7eleven just up the road. It's 11:15pm and she's getting the groceries. Better late than never, I guess. I'm off to bed. Take care all, and thanks for the advice. I appreciate you taking the time to post on this rather self-indulgent thread.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
NoodleSoup said: honeypot69 said: this whole thread!
sorry fauxie you just have to talk and comprimise. tell her how you feel.
I'm so glad I started it. It's my most successful thread EVER! I never would've got this many posts if I'd have said it was about 'my friend'.
I'm starting to think I shouldn't have burdened 'my friend' with the genital warts, small penis, baldness and bad breath.
How are you HoneyPotSugarBrownBabyHey69? Congratulations on this being your most successful thread ever. Keep me posted. No kidding, man.....Good Luck and I wish you the best in your marriage. I'm not being sarcastic.
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Fauxie said: Cloudbuster said: 10.
Hell, why not 100?  I don't hate you that much. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
