Okay, I made it to the last castle of the last stage, and I was on my final life, too. And aw man, I was running, jumping, duckin and dodging them foes left and right. I was FIRE MARIO...until a line of rotating fireballs shrunk me down to size, but it was all good cause I keep going as small Mario. Then there King Koopa was jumping and breath fireballs. I had a plan - I was gonna beat him the exact same I beat him before in the other castles by waiting for him to jump up and run right under him. I waited for the perfect time. Time begin to run out and the music began playing faster. My heart is racing. Im sweating. Im nervous. Im hearing Lose Yourself by Eminem in my head. So Koopa jumps up and I go for it...running....running....DAMN! The muthafucka lands right on top of me and I die. Game over.

I threw my controller at the system, and it resetted itself. I turned it off and pulled out the game cartridge and threw that shit across the room. I stomped on it a couple of times and I kicked it. Then I took off my belt and whipped it on the floor. My mom came in the room to see what all of the commotion was and I said its nothing. She left out and I continued beating on that piece of shit my belt. Then I picked it up and slammed it on the floor and then I kicked it right under my bed.

Thats how you beat a game - you get even with it for all of the years it had the best of you, and beat the hell out of it. Fuck a strategy book. Fuck a game hotline. And fuck Johnny Arcade.

I made King Koopa fall in lava at the end of every stage, so you know what the means? I already had the game won when I passed Stage 1. Case closed.
[Edited 6/8/05 22:27pm]

Umm...can you repeat that again?

I beat that game when I was 9 years old...what took you so damn long