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PrintableTheFrog said: So when are the jokes starting?
 Here's one: TheFrog = loser  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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XxAxX said: The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: " I outlived all the bitches."
[Edited 6/3/05 4:42am]  | |
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unlucky7 said: A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the hell is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!" The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming." | |
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Levi said: This guy owns a very small business, which has only two other employees; Jack and Jill. Both are exceptional workers, very reliable and capable.
However, things start to turn sour for the business,and the manager realises that he can no longer afford the salaries of both Jack and Jill. He has to lay one of them off. He cannot decide which one to lay off, as there is absolutely nothing to tell between the two, so he decides to leave the decision to luck. He stands by the water cooler, and decides that which ever employee comes to get a drink next will be the unlucky one. He is there only a short time when Jill arrives to get some water to take pain-killers for a headache. The decision is made. The manager asks Jill into the office and says: 'Jill, I'm just going to be blunt and say that I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off'. Jill says: 'Well, I think you better jack off, I have a headache'. L [Edited 6/1/05 3:10am] oh my god | |
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unlucky7 said: A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the hell is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!" The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming." "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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MartyMcFly said: unlucky7 said: A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the hell is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!" The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."  | |
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Whats green, long and smells of ham?
Kermits finger | |
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purpledoveuk said: Whats green, long and smells of ham?
Kermits finger | |
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damn...i cant resist
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature. Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go bed Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. not that i dont luv u guys 
but u know thats funny "...took my sex and my money...took all my self esteem...had the nerve 2 think it was funny...i never knew a bitch so mean" | |
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TeaAndTe said: What do you get if you cross AsianBomb and TheReturnOfDook?
A few girly scratches. 
... [Edited 6/3/05 19:20pm] | |
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emm said: think i lifted this one off of housequake a while ago...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" (Are you ready ???) The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone" ba - dum - bump! I hate to admit it but i have a feeling i posted that on housequake a while ago  | |
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An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a >pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. >Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did >this to you? I want to know!" > >The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. > >Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a >mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in >an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. > >He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl >and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the >problem. > >I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take >charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest >of her life. > >Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a >townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account. > >If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a >£4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and >£2,000,000 each. > >However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" > >At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand >firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . >. > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > "You shag her again." | |
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