Darwin Awards .....2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked....

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, he told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and droveback to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


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[Edited 5/29/05 19:10pm]

althom said:

Stupid people make the world go round, can't live with them or kill 'em either. That was humorous!

althom said:

Which one was you?

Ocean said:

I like #9.

I thought the darwin awards were only for people who died doing something incredibly stupid.

CarrieMpls said:

I did too. Maybe that's why the rest are "honourable mentions".

minneapolisidiot said:

ahhh... I suppose that makes sense.

althom said:

This is actually more common than people would think.

Natsume said:

I know.

It's Yosemite Sam come to life.

#6 is plain stupid

althom said:

unlucky7 said:

Natsume said:

no one died but still don't forget this item:

Chasing the cheese in 2005
Brilliant sunshine, a steep hill and some brave (and crazy) people willing to race down it - yep, it's cheese rolling time again!

Cheese Rolling is one of the oldest customs to have survived in Great Britain. It's been going on for hundreds of years and some say it has its roots in pre-Roman times.

Today it is as popular as ever and the crowds turned out in large numbers at Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire to watch yet more brave souls risk life and limb chasing after a 7lb Double Gloucester cheese. The winner gets to keep the cheese they've chased after!

The event started with the first men's race at 12 noon on Monday 30th May 2005. As the competitors waited at the top of the hill, thousands of spectators lined the sides of the hill in anticipation of the centuries old spectacle.

Cooper's Hill was something akin to a Roman coliseum as the crowd began eagerly chanting 'Roll that Cheese' and baying for the first race to get underway. You could sense the excitement as the 'Gladiators' lined up at the top of the hill, awaiting the signal from the master of ceremonies.

Once the master of ceremonies gave the signal, guest cheese roller Rev. Mitchell let the 7lb Double Gloucester cheese go and the race was underway.

Jason Crowther crossed the line in first place after an uncontrollable tumble halfway down the hill sent him way ahead of the rest of the field, who were taking it a little less recklessly.

Jason was aware of his victory as he cart wheeled over the line and even had the presence of mind to raise his arms up in triumph. The full result of the first race is as follows:

The second men's race was a tight affair until about halfway down when Chris Anderson from Brockworth in Gloucestershire kept his balance, sped up and raced away from the pack.

It was almost a disastrous gamble as Chris lost his balance with a third to go and went into a chaotic roll head-first through the nettles.

Fortunately, he managed to bounce out of a roll and onto his feet, hurling himself over the line in first place - a truly brave effort that deservedly won him his cheese. Sadly he suffered an injury in the descent and had to be stretchered off, still clutching his cheese!

Cheese Rolling is nothing if not an equal opportunities event and women get the chance to chase down that cheese too. It was a typically blood'n'guts affair as the women flung themselves down the hill at top speed.

Everyone on the hill is warned that the path of the 7lb cheese can be very unpredictable and this was illustrated as the cheese itself headed towards the crowd on the left hand side of the hill. It seemed to strike someone in the crowd and bounce back onto the hill - fortunate for the cheese, not so fortunate for the spectator. Luckily, no paramedics were needed...

As the race entered the final third, there were three in it. All three fell head over heels towards the line and Dione Carter recovered to scramble over the line to win the race.

Dione, a Kiwi living in London, made it a glorious double in the cheese rolling as she won last year's women's race too. Despite a few scratches and scrapes, she was in jubilant mood after clinching yet another cheese.

Also taking part in the women's event was Blue Peter's Liz Barker. It was a brave attempt for her first time as she stuck to a 'slowly but surely' approach that saw her finish third from last. Liz revealed she found the race a little scary and said she would stick to eating cheeses rather than chasing them in future!

The final race was delayed for quite some time as the injured competitors from the previous race were cleared from the hill. Finally, the final men's race was ready to go.

There was an appreciative roar from the crowd as the final 7lb Double Gloucester was let loose from the top of the hill. It was an incredibly tight race from start to finish. Aaron Walden and Craig Fairley were neck-and-neck as they approached the finish line - both took a tumble but Aaron recovered the quicker, making a lunge for the line.

Aaron also won the final race of last year's cheese rolling, making it a memorable double. A special mention needs to go to Luke McChristie who, not satisfied with just one journey down the hill, decided to make another - he finished in third this time around.

A legendary tale

The lure of participating in what could very well be called Gloucestershire's most extreme 'sport' can be put down to the absolute adrenaline thrill of taking on such a steep and treacherous incline.

Some people win, some merely finish and many get injured - this year saw a number of broken bones, sprains and minor injuries - but all look back on the cheese rolling experience with fond memories. For all those taking part in this potentially dangerous race it seems to be a risk worth taking.

Cheese rolling is a tradition that has its roots in the ancient history of our country - it's something that seems to represent the British identity. As first race winner Jason Crowther noted:

"We can't lose these things - they're brilliant!"

One thing's for sure - there won't be any shortage of competitors for Cheese Rolling 2006!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/glou...ture.shtml

althom said:

good old slapstick.



omg, that is disgusting.

althom said:

I fucking love that

XxAxX said:

This is something I wouldn't mind having a go at...

Steadwood said:

ain't it a hoot? 'brave souls risking life and limb' for cheese

thanks. that just made my day!!!!

XxAxX said:

It's a bit more dangerous than the wellie throwing championships

btw, shouldn't this be in P&R?

Steadwood said:

wellie throwing championships??

#11 A guy starts an account on prince.org and begins posting under the username Mr.Tee.


Nuff said.