sosgemini said:

No, this is hilarious. I want to read more posts like this.

gd vortex stricks again...

JoeyMFinCoco said:

im only half way done reading this thread joey, and i have to say ... THANK YOU you have been right on everything you have said !! thanks for supporting me, i kinda feel like im being attacked here ....

CarrieMpls said:

thank you

nakedpianoplayer said:

nobody is attacking you..and nobody is right or wrong..you post something asking for people to respond you gotta expect differing viewpoints...

sosgemini said:

ya know, i have to ask, do you have children ??? cuz if you did, you would understand that the situation is going to be sticky no matter how i handle it...

and my daughter may have not handled this the BEST way, but she is after all 7 years old, and in my opinion should have never been put in this type situation to begin with.

sosgemini said:

this is true... but i think you can read over the thread and see for yourself that its pretty much how my 7 year old is in the wrong for what she said or did... when it SHOULD BE the parent

nakedpianoplayer said:

i am the father figure to my neice and nephew..and if that had happened to me, yes, i would have a talk to them about tact.....

and maybe she shouldnt even go over there to ask her friend to play..if your that concerned for her...cause the woman has the right to do what she wants in her home.....cha are never going to know when the woman is lighting up and your daughter could go a knocking when the bong is a bopping....

if your that concerned about her.....

but at least your showing a concern...most parents do give a rats arse..so for that i commend you..i just have a different style then you....and so would everyone else in this world...thats the beauty of individualism..

abierman said:

I saw 'Supersize me' last week, this film about McDonalds-food.

One American guy said "apparently it's ok in America to criticize people when they smoke, to say they will die because of cancer etc... but obesitas is as bad in America, still you can't say 'stop eating this crap, fat cow, it will kill you ' at a restaurant."

I sounds a bit harsh, but there's something to say about that...

MarieLouise said:

are you ok over there ??? that doesnt really make a lot of sense.... does it ?

nakedpianoplayer said:

Yeah she is only seven and i don't think children understand diplomacy/tact at this age. I know that you said on the previous thread that you didn't want to tell her why she wasn't allowed to go over to the house because you predicted she might say something - you were trying to prevent this situation. Unfortunately she overheard a discussion and put two and two together and now things have got a little out of hand. There's nothing you could really do to stop all this happening.

As I said before, sometimes mommies have to be the enemy. I know the situation is not nice but you and the other mother obviously have very different ideas about what you think is acceptable behaviour among children. If you don't want your kid to be in an environment with people smoking pot then you have every right to try to prevent her from being there.
[Edited 5/17/05 7:12am]
[Edited 5/17/05 7:12am]

nakedpianoplayer said:

I was quoting a film-fragment, in response to what Abierman said. I don't know if you saw this film 'Supersize me', but it does make some sense after I saw this movie.

I'm sorry if it feels like I'm jacking your thread, I don't mean to do that.

I know you're viewing all these things from the viewpoint of a concerned mother. And I truly understand it's not that easy as a mother to know how to react to things like that.

The thing is, you're posting this issue on an internet-board, so it's normal people react to it, and maybe leading the discussion to corners you find rather irrelevant.

As a kid, my mother would have less problems leaving me with parents who smoked joints once in a while, that to leave me with parents taking a bunch of kids to MacDonalds at a birthday-party.

This may sound completely irrelevant to you, but to me it isn't. When you make issues out of pot-smoking (to which you have the right of course), other people have the right to discuss issues that are related to them.

Smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, watching too much television, not discussing things properly, fighting parents, eating MacDonalds-trash are all things that are in a way not good to children. I'm not making a hierarchy, I just wanted to point this out.

And to me it makes sense, the 'Supersize me'-fragment. It is socially accepted to verbally attack someone for smoking, but it would be considered extremely rude to say something about eating unhealthy food to fat people. It's all a question of what is considered 'normal' in your society...

tell them to move to Amsterdam.

i understood it marielouise....


i personally dont see 7 as being too young to talk to about avoiding adult like conversations...

but, maybe the alternative option is not letting your daughter (by herself) go to a neighbors house at the age of 7. maybe you should walk with her to invite her friend over.....

MarieLouise said:

Very good point Marie Louise - I guess we all have our own individual ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Different strokes for different folks.

Um try not to take this the wrong way...but what the fuck do you care what this woman thinks? Or your child for that matter? You are the parent, you know that what's going on is wrong and YOU enforce the rules! When I was growing up if my mother said I wasn't doing something then I didn't do it! No questions asked! This woman obviously has no right being a parent or having other people's children in her house. She sees no problem with doing drugs while children are coming in and out so what do you care what she thinks?

sosgemini said:

Yeah I don't think that seven is too young to have an adult like discussion either - sometimes its better to give kids all the information rather than hiding things from them. You may see it as protecting them in some way but it could also provide a valuable wealth of knowledge for their later life.

LolaM said:

muirdo said:

people without.....talk shit when they're not asked!

MarieLouise said:

Yeah none of them are good for the children, I agree. But pot is a DRUG, it's illegal and by no way should parents be doing this in front of children. If I found out my child was in a house where parents where getting stoned I would be FURIOUS. If they are all fucked up then how can I be certain they are going to be able to help my child if they get hurt or something?

I smoke weed. I know what it does to me and I would NEVER EVER have responsibility of a child while I'm stoned! It's just not something you do!

LolaM said:

thank you

and for the record... when discussing this with the kids i NEVER once brought up her house ! i simply started a general conversation at the dinner table about drugs, and do you know what they look like ?? my daughter was the one that informed me that they were doing it there (which i obviously already knew). what really messed me up was that she spent 20 minutes trying to get me to understand what they were smoking there. she kept saying... mom listen to me, you light the brown part and suck on the white part !!


im like, wtf are you talking about ??? finally i figured out that she was discribing a blunt thats really really sad that she even has the slightest idea what the hell that is...

thanks for the support, and now that its over, im much happier with my decision

MarieLouise said:

Can I ask if your parents would have a problem with leaving you at the house if the parents were smoking pot while you were there????

CarrieLee said:

But Carrie, I'm almost a hundred percent sure you've had a drink (also a DRUG) while being around kids.....I know I have!

CarrieLee said:

bingo!!! yet in the end, the woman is a woman and has the right to do what she wants...so what does a parent do? control what she can....remove the child from harms way...(even if that means the children cant be friends or the parent has to get up, walk over to the house themselves and invite the child out to play)....

what if this woman does more then smoke pot? what if she is a tweaker and in her tweaking high decides to molest the child?

the child should not be walking over there on her own..even if its to stay at the door and invite her friend over....

abierman said:

At a bbq or something yes, but I was never RESPONSIBLE for a child while doing that. And I didn't get loaded. One or two hits off a joint and I'm zooted. The last place I want to be is around kids when I'm like that.

Look, you can get into all this shit with tobacco and alcohol being drugs. I do not smoke cigarettes or weed in front of children. I have probably had a glass of wine or beer in front of a child but was never intoxicated. *I* think that smoking weed in front of a child is far worse and in a whole other category. Again *my* opinion here.

And in this particular case we are discussing, I think it's disgusting that this parent would put someone else's child in this situation. It's their problem if they do it in front of their kids, if you're gonna bring it around other parents children that do not approve of it then expect consequences.

CarrieLee said:

thank you...

and you guys, truely, i had my days of smoking pot... that was before i became a mother. life changes you and your 'extra' activities after you have a child with you.... i think we can all agree on that. so, its not the smoking weed part that bothers me AT ALL ... i am passing no judgement on her or anyone else that smokes, as i dont think i have that right.

but i do however have the right to decide whats in the best interests of my child... some may think its by being open with kids and sharing drugs with them so they know what its all about... i on the other hand dont think that i can expect my babies to grow up and not do drugs if i have them in an environment that makes it seem fun or ok.

who knows, i may not have any of the answers right at all.... when you are parenting, you dont get your 'test' back for about 16-22 years, thats about how long its gonna take you to see if your teachings have stuck with your child, and if you did it right or not

as far as the mcdonalds thing, like i have said before somewhere on here... to me, if you are feeding your kids NOTHING but fast food you are really screwing them up. they need vitamins to grow, and that type of food has so many chemicals added and very little vitamins that you are doing incredible harm to the babies by allowing that type of diet. on the other hand, i see nothing wrong with giving in and allowing fast food into the diet once or twice a month, providing you are feeding them well balanced meals for the rest of the time - again, thats just my thinking.

abierman said:

Abierman, do you think drugs (such as pot) and alcohol are in the same class?? This is not an attack just a question.

nakedpianoplayer said:

Look I say do whatever you wanna do on your own time. When there are children around you need to be responsible and 100% alert and able to help this child should something happen.

I'm not judging this woman for smoking pot either. I'm judging her for smoking it in front of children. Your child will understand your decision someday and thank you for it. They are never too young to learn about this stuff either, you'd be surprised how smart kids are.
[Edited 5/17/05 7:49am]

CarrieLee said:

again

i totally understand what you're saying, and im glad that there are some folks out there who believe that just because you may think something is ok, it doesnt mean that its ok to do it in front of other people's kids.

LolaM said:

You can. I never was in this situation as a kid, and my parents hardly know anything about drugs. They never smoked a cigarette, let alone a joint.

So it's a guess. I did go to a house as a kid where the father was walking around naked. My parents found this a bit strange, and asked me to tell them if this was bothering me. I talked to the girl instead (I was ten at that time) and she asked her father to stop this. He did.

As for the weed-question, I guess my parents would find this very weird, but they would leave it up to me to react in the first place. So many beautiful friends of me have fucked up parents, in one way or another.

As do I, in a way that they were always fighting in front of other people. This is no drug, but certainly something that was embarrassing and harmful.

I truly think your have the right to react as a mother, but you can't judge the kid for its parents. Children will be confronted with pot, sex, violence, cigarettes, alcohol no matter what. Sometimes these things pop up a bit earlier that you expected as a parent. You have the right to react as a parent, but it may not disturb the friendship between the kids.

I think what I would try to do is to inform them the best I could. If my kid would feel uncomfortable I would try to talk with my kid and with the parents. But I do assume it is rather hard to discuss issues like that in a discrete manner.

(btw this naked father totally flipped out when I explained to my friend what a blow-job was. I was ten, I knew what it was and she asked me about it. My parents supported me, her parents found me a freak )

It's all a question of where you put the stress.