Have you ever gotten close to getting killed? From disease, violence, stupidity, whatever? How close did you get? Did it make you feel differently about life?

I've had a couple of incidents associated with water:

I was riding one of those water scooters near Cape Fear, North Carolina, going pretty damn fast since there was nobody around. Then suddenly a speedboat comes out of nowhere from the left on exact collision course. Stupidly enough, I react by steering as much as I can to the right (there was no time to brake), causing us do end up alongside each other instead of missing each other. My scooter bumps into the boat quite hard and I fall off. Had I turned a bit slower I would have been dead meat.

I was once trapped underwater in a swimming pool of all places. For some fucked up reason there was a space under a bridge that crossed over the pool which was sealed off with metal bars. I was a kid at the time and I managed to squeeze between the bars and into the underwater "cage". A brilliant, brilliant idea. Then I could barely get out, half-panicked and almost ripped my trunks apart while squeezing back out.

A number of years ago, in Indonesia, I was walking peacefully along a dirt street when a huge dog came out and started growling at me. It was mangy and dirty-looking. I stopped and waited, but it just got more aggressive. When I started to walk back it came running at me, literally with its jaws snapping. I realized that it was faster than me so I figured all I could do was to turn around and kick it as hard as I possibly could. I think I hit it right over the neck. It rolled over to one side and stayed there. I ran as far away as I could and then looked back. I could see it get up and wander away. I'm sure it would have killed me if I had ended up on the ground.

Another time, very recently, I was at the beach here in Vancouver climbing a pile of rocks. Suddenly I completely lost my balance and fell backwards. I landed on a pointy rock that struck my back (I could barely move for weeks afterwards). Luckily, an even more pointy rock missed my head by only two feet.

Anybody else have any stories?

I was driving to the school I did my student teaching at and needed to make a left-hand turn into the parking lot from the street. So, I'm waiting in the turn lane and there's this big f#cking van facing right in front of me wanting to turn to his left in his own turn lane. I couldn't see around the bastard to cross the oncoming lanes safely, and I waited a bit but no one seemed to be coming so I stuck the front end out just far enough where I could finally see. What I saw was a school bus at 30mph coming straight for me! I didn't have time to back up, so I gunned it and barely made it into the parking lot without being hit. Weeks later I returned to that street to see that they put a "No Left Hand Turns" sign where that van in front of me was trying to turn and blocking my view in the process. The moral: don't drive where you can't see, and don't be driving big piece of sh*t vans that no one can f*cking see around!

coming out the closet.

GlitterStream said:

Can you elaborate on that?

Nearly drowned at sea once. Way too far out - tide very strong & going out. Suddenly ended up a long, long way from shore.

Whole cliche - my whole life briefly flashing before my eyes etc.

A surfer came right out & saved me. Total legend.

I've almost died.

subhuman09 said:

Care to elaborate?

retina said:

Actually a very personal story-very serious.

I'll just say things that may seem the hardest can be overcome.

subhuman09 said:

I nearly drowned in a smimming pool while i was doing my life saving award

someone threw a rubber brick and it hit me on the head and knocked me out

they all thought i was messing about until the teacher saw the bubbles stop and

decided it might be a good idea to dive in and save me



i can't remember anything really about it just that the teacher was worried that she would get a warning or dismissed and was really frantic to make sure i was ok.

TheFrog said:

p0pstar said:

i know no near-death experience should be funny, but the irony in that incident is quite sweet.

p0pstar said:

...and that teacher became a Nine Inch Nails roadie.



Glad you're here now.

p0pstar said:

You know, that is one of my greatest fears; that I would die or become handicapped in a way that would make people giggle. Your story is terrible (you almost died!) but I'm sure people smile when you tell it. Begone rectal cancer, banana peels next to manholes, shortcircuiting sex dolls etc etc

retina said:

Cheek said:

I told you-you acted in self defense.

Liza shouldn't have been snoopin' 'round your drawers.

subhuman09 said:

Cheek said:

She smelled ham!

subhuman09 said:

TheFrog said:

yeah yeah i know what with my favourite emoticon and everything

Cheek said:

Crazy bitch.

subhuman09 said:

Right now this is a 'near death experience' for me...

retina said:

how did you know about the shortcircuiting sex doll incident

Cheek said:

That or Tuesday.

p0pstar said:

Well, since it happened to you in the same pool the day after the brick incident, it was kind of hard to keep it away from the tabloids. You shouldn't put electrical devices in water you know.

retina said:

It said it was hot and wet on the box i was just speeding up the process with the pool

p0pstar said:

subhuman09 said:

You were the one that bought me the damn thing

p0pstar said: