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I just don't know what to do!!!! UPDATE So she calls me this weekend about 4 times and finally on the 4th call she tells me that he wants her to move out and he feels like he is using her and since she doesn't have the sense to see it for her self he is going to break if off.
While she's crying I decide well damn, I was right so I told her. I told her that 8 years ago when she got into this relationship her promised her nothing and so far he's lived up to it. When he met her 8 years ago she was a woman with goals and dreams and now she is just live in screw. She cried of course but still listened. I told her to move out get a place and a life and move the fuck on then GET SOME DAMN HELP. Yes I was ugly, yeah I was cruel, BUT you know what she said, she said see lisa I knew you loved me enough to tell me the truth!!!! well damn then I cried I told her that I had been agonizing with this for months and months and my friends at the ORG said I should tell her the truth. She said that she appreciated my honesty including the truth about the gifts and that she still felt like we were friends and she really didn't want to let go because she had no other friends, she apologized for being a stalker and laughed about that and said that she noticed that I was sooo distant and she was wondering when I would tell her. so damn MACH was soooo right and so was blues thanks once again ORG friends for being honest and caring enough to respond.  [Edited 5/16/05 12:10pm] 
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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i think you should be honest abou how you feel ..
about the friendship about your feelings thats what real freindship is about ... being honest and open with another... you dont have to agree with all things but if her life choices and her complaints of them are bothering you you should be comfortable enoughto tell her so what she does with that info is her choice best wishes  | |
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WOW
thanks for that. But I have to be honest, I really don't want to hurt her feelings anymore than I already have. See she has this illusion that we are best friends. When I met my hubby she watched our relationship evolve and saw that even though I had a child I had met someone who loved me and my child, I got the fantasy that we had stayed up at night talking about for years. She went out and hooked up with a guy who was abusive and really didn't love her, but in every convesation we had she compared my relationship to hers when in fact it wasn't the same. I feel bad for her, I got blessed to find my mate and she is projecting what I have on every relationship she gets into. Misplaced responsibility? I guess that is what I am feeling. I want her to be happy, but why is that affecting me like it is? Why can't I support her, whether it is genuine or not? Thanks for the response Mach I appreciate it. this is helping me to process some stuff.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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But I have to be honest, I really don't want to hurt her feelings anymore than I already have. See she has this illusion that we are best friends.
this is something perhaps you should share with her ... you know... you can hurt people also by NOT being upfront with them and then the guilt you feel stays with you, because you are not being genuine to her or yourself | |
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tickle her tummy? | |
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I guess it just boils down to the fact that I am a coward. 
I have been honest with her before, she took it as I was just mad at her and didn't see that it was a true issue with me. I have moved several times over the years and didn't give her forwarding info, and she found me every time. I guess I will have to be brutally honest with her. I just hate to hurt people based on my feelings of insecurity, inablility to confront etc..I guess I'd rather just suck it up and drive on, except when it gets to the point that I am so uncomfortable. It was the gifts that did it for me, I truly didn't feel like I deserve them and felt horrible so I sent her a birthday card that I truly didn't feel, first card in years. Dishonest, oh and now she wants to know where her invite is to my daughter's graduation 
yeah I really need to call her. funny though I don't have her number, I erase it off the phone everytime she calls 
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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drcoldchoke said: tickle her tummy?
she lives far far away from me and I haven't seen her for 12 years. no that won't work thanks for the suggestion though
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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sorry sweetie.... i'll stop calling you  One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift 
an artist with no fans is really just a man with a hobby.... | |
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OH STOP IT
seriously, I feel really bad about her, her life sucks and she calls me and I can't get around my feelings that she is being used enough to be there for her.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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Let nature take its cause. It will jus pete out. Dont show interest. U gotta b cruel 2 b kind. Dont feel guilty. Jus do ya thing. | |
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butterfli25 said: drcoldchoke said: tickle her tummy?
she lives far far away from me and I haven't seen her for 12 years. no that won't work thanks for the suggestion though So she also lives far away and you haven't seen her in 12 years? Am I getting confused about this whole thing? I agree with Mach, you need to be upfront and say something. It may help her far more than you know. And that would bug me too, if someone was getting gifts for my kids when I didn't see the person for 12 years.... | |
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So she also lives far away and you haven't seen her in 12 years? Am I getting confused about this whole thing? I agree with Mach, you need to be upfront and say something. It may help her far more than you know. And that would bug me too, if someone was getting gifts for my kids when I didn't see the person for 12 years....[/quote]
no you are not confused, we were friends way back in 89-93 when my daughter was a baby and I was alone. We were close then but I always felt funny about her. She was hurt and surprised when I met my hubby and he wanted to marry me, she made a comment like wow even though you have a child, like I was damaged goods or sumthin. So after that she started doing personal ads etc until she met a guy, so we could talk about out new Loves- she even followed a guy out of state like I did, except I was married and she wasn't. when we lived in germany she would call me once a month. I never called her. when we got back to the states she looked us up in the whitepages, she provided me with the I know you are busy excuse as to why I never contacted her. when we moved here she put my name out on a geneology web site in order to find us. I feel bad because she is a lonely person and she perceives me as a friend who she has history with.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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butterfli25 said: So she also lives far away and you haven't seen her in 12 years? Am I getting confused about this whole thing? I agree with Mach, you need to be upfront and say something. It may help her far more than you know. And that would bug me too, if someone was getting gifts for my kids when I didn't see the person for 12 years....
no you are not confused, we were friends way back in 89-93 when my daughter was a baby and I was alone. We were close then but I always felt funny about her. She was hurt and surprised when I met my hubby and he wanted to marry me, she made a comment like wow even though you have a child, like I was damaged goods or sumthin. So after that she started doing personal ads etc until she met a guy, so we could talk about out new Loves- she even followed a guy out of state like I did, except I was married and she wasn't. when we lived in germany she would call me once a month. I never called her. when we got back to the states she looked us up in the whitepages, she provided me with the I know you are busy excuse as to why I never contacted her. when we moved here she put my name out on a geneology web site in order to find us. I feel bad because she is a lonely person and she perceives me as a friend who she has history with.[/quote] Honey, in my book that is just one breath short of stalking.....as far as the geneology website and all.....creepy. You need to write that note! | |
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Honey, in my book that is just one breath short of stalking.....as far as the geneology website and all.....creepy. You need to write that note![/quote]
that's what my husband said
he said she was a stalker.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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bluesbaby said: butterfli25 said: So she also lives far away and you haven't seen her in 12 years? Am I getting confused about this whole thing? I agree with Mach, you need to be upfront and say something. It may help her far more than you know. And that would bug me too, if someone was getting gifts for my kids when I didn't see the person for 12 years....
no you are not confused, we were friends way back in 89-93 when my daughter was a baby and I was alone. We were close then but I always felt funny about her. She was hurt and surprised when I met my hubby and he wanted to marry me, she made a comment like wow even though you have a child, like I was damaged goods or sumthin. So after that she started doing personal ads etc until she met a guy, so we could talk about out new Loves- she even followed a guy out of state like I did, except I was married and she wasn't. when we lived in germany she would call me once a month. I never called her. when we got back to the states she looked us up in the whitepages, she provided me with the I know you are busy excuse as to why I never contacted her. when we moved here she put my name out on a geneology web site in order to find us. I feel bad because she is a lonely person and she perceives me as a friend who she has history with. Honey, in my book that is just one breath short of stalking.....as far as the geneology website and all.....creepy. You need to write that note![/quote]  yeah... what blues says MON
creepy freaky | |
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maybe I'll just email her this thread.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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butterfli25 said:
maybe I'll just email her this thread.
but, make sure to make it look 'gift worthy' and frame it ... ya know ?  One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift
an artist with no fans is really just a man with a hobby.... | |
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 didnt need to post that twice i guess  [Edited 5/17/05 14:43pm] One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift
an artist with no fans is really just a man with a hobby.... | |
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butterfli25 said: So she calls me this weekend about 4 times and finally on the 4th call she tells me that he wants her to move out and he feels like he is using her and since she doesn't have the sense to see it for her self he is going to break if off.
While she's crying I decide well damn, I was right so I told her. I told her that 8 years ago when she got into this relationship her promised her nothing and so far he's lived up to it. When he met her 8 years ago she was a woman with goals and dreams and now she is just live in screw. She cried of course but still listened. I told her to move out get a place and a life and move the fuck on then GET SOME DAMN HELP. Yes I was ugly, yeah I was cruel, BUT you know what she said, she said see lisa I knew you loved me enough to tell me the truth!!!! well damn then I cried I told her that I had been agonizing with this for months and months and my friends at the ORG said I should tell her the truth. She said that she appreciated my honesty including the truth about the gifts and that she still felt like we were friends and she really didn't want to let go because she had no other friends, she apologized for being a stalker and laughed about that and said that she noticed that I was sooo distant and she was wondering when I would tell her. so damn MACH was soooo right and so was blues thanks once again ORG friends for being honest and caring enough to respond.
[Edited 5/16/05 12:10pm]  | |
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