...how do you deal with it?

okay. time for anxy to be a drama queen.

i'm dealing with some information this week that, while i'm trying to keep reminding myself that everything's okay and it won't turn the entire fabric of my reality upside down, is still going to mess with my head and have certain ramifications. i'm sorry i can't be more specific, but the specifics aren't really the point.

the point is - how do you deal with learning things that you didn't expect, or finding yourself in a situation that you wouldn't have anticipated in a million years?

like i said, everything is okay - i just found out some stuff that came as a huge shock to me, and i'm not sure how to keep calm and balanced and not just have a mental fit.

and you are asking a bunch of loonies for advice?

FOSB said:

nah. just reflection. or some really good looniness.

i take a day ( or a coupl hrs ) away ... i go off on a ride or into the woods and just let the info swirl round... looking at the different sides and making myself step out and look at the info from different perspectives

i have faith... though i dont always understand the "whys" ... that all is as it should be and everything happens for the highest good of all involved

Oh well by all means carry on

Maybe that PORTION of your life DESERVES a mental fit.

You already have the right idea. It is a part of your life, not the whole fabric of it, so it does not need to consume your life, but you still need to deal with whatever it is that has happened.

If it's big, treat it big. Don't try to minimize it.

If it's not so big, address it and move on.

You are a grounded enough individual that I think you know what you need to do. (Starting with reaching out to us for some feedback and to sound off).

Face it head on. Incorporate what you can into your life, and let us know if we can help!

Take a day off. I mean really take the day off. no news no radio no work no internet.
Just sit down and think about it. Call someone levelheaded who you trust giving you straight answers, even if you don't like to hear them.
Then let it sink in and let things find a new place in your life. That part ususally gets ugly, but inevitable.

This helps?

Mach said:

yeah, this describes pretty well what i'm trying to do. i know everything happens for a reason, and that nothing that i'm dealing with right now changes what's really important or what sustains me. thank goodness. i'm just so prone to being in control of everything that when something surfaces that i don't anticipate, i feel like it sends a huge violent ripple through everything.

If its something you cant change in any way or have no control over, then work on accepting it for what it is. Once you do that, it will get easier.

..
[Edited 5/11/05 9:51am]

Anx I'm going thru a heavy period myself right now with a lot of uncertainties (sp?)
I'll try to stay sane by logging on to the org every day for at least an hour, seriously ,and bury myself at work

Not the most healthy way, i know, but it works for me, right now...
I just know that after this period I just have to take some time for myself.

Wish you all the best

thanks, guys.

fortunately, i have a tireless cheering section in the form of my boyfriend, and while i think he's kind of just as "WTF?!?" as i am about what i'm dealing with, he's able to at least calm me down and make me feel like everything's going to be okay. also, i have my normal day-to-day stuff to fall back on. going to work almost seems like a relief, because at least i'm forced to spend eight hours focusing on something else. who'da thunk it, right?

right now, i'm just cleaning. throwing old crap away. trying to clear my mind while i clear my living space. i feel like that's all i can do to make things less chaotic. how mary hartman of me.

I tend to over react to things first, emotional outbursts usually, then I process it and then I process it again. I cry, I get angry, I stay in the moment and then I begin to move on, thinking, healing and praying.

I agree with NBJ, keep your perspective, don't let it overwhelm you and stay in the real.



remember that that doesn't kill you will make you stronger.



hang in there.

Anxiety said:

When life drops a bomb on you, make bombenade.

But, seriously...

It's very difficult to advise without details, but I guess I would say, "Remind yourself that regardless of what you've learned, you are still you and nothing will change that. You are an intelligent man with a great sense of humour and, come what may, you will cope."

I'm going through some drama right now too and will be dealing with it for a while. After the initial shock and depression, I usually try and focus on the things I do have, the blessings I am fortunate enough to enjoy and the fact that other people have it way way worse than I. I try and focus on what I can do to fix the situation, if it can be fixed, and keep my focus on achieving that.

I hope you get through whatever you're dealing with

butterfli25 said:

i need to have that tattooed on my eyelids. for real. thanks for that.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

thank you. one thing i'm trying to be mindful of is what i tend to remind others of when they deal with some big ugly shocker in their lives - those six stages of grief ain't just a fairy tale, boy. whoo. the anger, the bargaining, the grief, the depression - is it six stages or five? hell, i could probably invent a sixth stage if one doesn't already exist.

Anxiety said:

you are very welcomed

Anxiety said:

I think there's seventeen stages It's not unusual to fluctuate between stages. Getting angry, accepting, getting angy that you had to accept something unnacceptable, accepting the reality, getting angry that reality sometimes sucks. It can make you But it's best to feel whatever you need to feel about it and get it out of you because some people just can't hang and turn into mental cases. For real.

Ace said:

if you charge by the hour, i hope my medical insurance at least covers the price of that pricelessly theraputic post you wrote. i appreciate it.

Anxiety said:

I think its important to let yourself go through those stages and not try to fight them. Going from A to Z and missing out the inbetween leaves you feeling as if you haven't healed in a way that allows you to move on.

right now, i'm just cleaning. throwing old crap away. trying to clear my mind while i clear my living space. i feel like that's all i can do to make things less chaotic. how mary hartman of me.





keep processing...

Lleena said:

True. And one thing I try and really focus on is how much better off I will be when I'm done with this thing. How much I will have learned. I look forward to the person I will become by having gone through it. I look forward to meeting that new me

Anxiety said:

It depends on who you read, it's 5 or 6 stages and while it started out as staging for dealing with death, it has evolved into stages for dealing with a loss of any kind.

You hit on another good thing. Be a good friend to yourself right now. If a dear friend to you were going through this, what would you say or do for them? Do that for yourself. Be kind, or honest or firm or blunt or whatever, for yourself, just like you would for a dear friend.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

yeah. i'm trying to cut whatever losses i may feel i'm encountering, and i'm trying to brace myself for the ramifications of what's happened recently. i think i'm going to have a lot to confront, but when i'm at the other end of it, i'll be so much better off for it. in some ways, i'm starting to think it's good that i got some alarming news this week, because it alerted me to something i didn't know was a problem, but to which i need to turn my attention.

Nothinbutjoy said:

that's definitely true. i feel like the people who are in my circle right now, who i've been turning to, are kinda waiting to follow my lead - if i'm panicking, they go into crisis management mode. if i'm being more rational, they're like, "how can we help you brainstorm?" i'm glad i have good people around me, present company included.



and

Boy oh boy.

I take myself to the park or mountains, walk, and ask myself "What are you suppose to learn from this."

How can I take this and turn it into something positive for myself. I keep talking myself right into the situation. Then it doesn't seem so big anymore.

You have alot of support Anx, and that includes me!

sag10 said:

Great advice Sag I also do that and always thought it was a little silly...

the crazy thing about it all is that the big shock i had this week seems to be part of a trend with me lately. i feel like there's a lot of energy swirling around me lately regarding my past. lately, i've also been dealing with getting back in touch with a part of my family i haven't talked to in over a decade, and i literally just got a response this afternoon. with everything that's going on, i feel like i'm in a bit of a fugue state right now.

my apartment's sparkling, though.

Nothing like shock to get your house sparkly clean!

Nothinbutjoy said:

you ain't kidding!