Let's say you dated a girl from another country for a while. After a while you broke up and then a few years later you find out she had your baby.

Would you move to that other country to be closer to your child, leaving everyone and everything you know behind?

no, you just have her and your child move to the country you're living in.

sinisterpentatonic said:

analbolique said:

I would. Personally, I believe there's no greater responsibility in this world than raising a child. That's not to say that I necessarily want to have kids, but - if you've got 'em - be there for 'em.

A few years later? How many years?

If she hasn't told you until now, maybe she didn't want you around in the first place.

2the9s said:

2-3 years and is it really up to her to decide?

analbolique said:

Good point.

Before considering anything drastic, a paternity test is in order.

analbolique said:

I'd have her killed and bring the kid over to my neck of the woods.

Ace said:

First you're talking about responsibility and now you want to kill the mommy??
Very responsible Ace

HowComeYouDontCallme said:

It's a joke, son!

Ace said:

I know daughter! I was already laughing!
[Edited 5/1/05 12:44pm]

analbolique said:

You serious man? This is a real life situation involving you?

senik said:

where have you been?

senik said:

No, not me, but a "friend" of mine. Seriously.

AndGodCreatedMe said:

Nah way! Really??? Damn, I have been away too long. Shit Joe, sorry to hear you're in this dilemma man

analbolique said:

I'll get you AGCM!!!

Thanks Joe

analbolique said:

yeah right!

holy shit.... things HAVE changed for you lately

sorry man

get with your kid could be the best thing that ever happened to ya

Probably depends on how much you want to be a father to this kid, or to be involved in its life and rearing.

If you and the woman who didn't bother to inform you she'd had your kid ended your relationship badly, and this woman is now married and/or involved with another man and the kid has a male figure to whom it *relates* as a father, then it'd be a hard call to move to a new country, disrupt a small child's life and stability (at least at this point...), or let the child be to be raised by the only 'father' (obviously not its biological father, but the only father figure its ever known, nonetheless) and maybe someday down the road you can be involved more actively.

A can't fathom a woman not informing a man he's the father of a child unless:she's a realimmature, selfish bitch, or the guy was an abuser or an asshole and she truly felt it'd be healthier for the child (and her) not to have him around. Either situation is messed up.

senik said:

Don't start! You have a lot of nerve btw

You'd better be quiet now

nakedpianoplayer said:

I do not have any kids!

Seriously, this is something which happened to a guy I know. I told him to get his ass over there and then we had a discussion about the pros and cons concerning this. So that inspired this thread.

AndGodCreatedMe said:

You know about my shit too!!!

Damn those big mouthed Org.ers

KaleidoscopeEyes said:

good points there.. i guess i was assuming that the child and the mother were alone, and wanting you to be part of thier lives

if they have moved on... theres not a lot you can do at this point sad - but true... again

having a child is SOOOOO much more than just making a child, i tell my babies dad that each and every freakin time i talk to him ! if you can be there, as in be there everyday, get to know the child, teach the child, love the child (even with their faults -as we all have them), respect the child, believe in the child, and COMMIT to the child and to being there.... and the mother is all for this, then i say, GO FOR IT

you'd make a great daddy

btw, how old is your kid ?

nakedpianoplayer said:

You sound like a good mother, npp.

It seems to me in the scenario presented on this thread that the child's best interests need to be taken into account first and foremost, and if the kid has a father figure right now and has a family unit that it recognizes as it's 'mommy and daddy', a strange man showing up right now and creating havoc and distress trying to establish a "daddy" relationship might do more harm than good - to EVERYONE. I can understand the anguish in wanting to be a part of a child's life..your OWN child...but sometimes in cases like this you have to put your own wants aside and really examine what's healthiest for the kid.

Sounds like a lot going on in this situation..a lot of feelings to consider. The mother, the father, the child. Everyone's feelings are valid (in some way, to some degree) but it's the child who needs to be focused on, and what's best for he/she in the short, and the long, term.

Maybe talking to a counselor about it would help all involved sort out what is best to do?

analbolique said:

ok serious now, it depends on your situation i guess. If you have a good job and you're able to contribute to your childs education by sending money, i wouldn't move.
But on the other hand it could be more precious to see your little one grow up i mean money isn't everything

Ok I have no good answer to this it depends on the situation

AndGodCreatedMe said:

Typical woman thinking about child support only. And it's not just about not being able to see your child grow up either. What about the child's right to know both their parents?