You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual
honor given to the person who improved the "gene pool"
the most by killing themselves in the most
extraordinarily stupid way. Last Year's Winner was the
fellow who attempted to wash his own 'balls' in a ball
washer at the local golf course.

As always, competition this year has been keen. And
the candidates this year are .....

1) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a
head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of
chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

2) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing
head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

3) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally
jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

4) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as
he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5
feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks,
used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a local
hospital.

5) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.

6) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet
Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by
fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to
prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.

7) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:

8) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to
kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber
rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the
hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.

9) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement,
declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch
and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.

10) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured,
when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car.
While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the
window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

11) TACOMA, WA. - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered
and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I
can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out
for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it."

Bingham's foot was never located.


AND THE WINNER:


12) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
(Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. The
sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him said
flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
"With no one there to help him, he lay under all that
dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems
to be just one of those freak accidents that proves
that "Shit happens"."

Nikster said:

What a DUMB ASS!!!

Nikster said:

quote
[Edited 5/4/05 13:09pm]