I can't remember if this has been posted or not. If it has then oh fucking well I am posting it again

GEORGE CARLIN-ISMS

1. How come wrong numbers are never busy?
2. Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
3. Does killing time damage eternity?
4. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
5. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
6. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
7. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
8. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
9. Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
10. Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
11. Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they
keep it?
12. Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
13. Do pilots take crash courses?
14. Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
15. Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID
that he just whipped out a quarter?
16. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
17. Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
18. How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
19. If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his
walkman?
20. If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
21. If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
22. If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
23. If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns
out of?
24. If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
25. Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a
running child?
26. Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
27. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already
there?
28. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

What color does a smurf turn when you choke 'm?

AlfofMelmak said:

How long is a chinese man?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear a helmet?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections ?


What is another word for synonym?