just kinda wondering...

im missing my baby girl today

and i wondered if anyone has experienced the child looking for the birthmother ??? or if anyone out there knows just how hard it is to have a baby somewhere and not know them....

thanks

nakedpianoplayer said:

Why dont you search for her.

I'm adopted.

thanks guys

somedays its worse than others... today just seems to be one of those days that im gonna think of her all day i just want to talk to her, tell her why i made this choice - and how much better off she is, i just wasnt ready to be a momma - or so i was told. i want her to know that i think of her everyday... her pictures are all over my house. i have a tattoo of my babies names on it, and her name is on there as well. i just want to hold her and give her a hug, and tell her that yes, its very possible to love someone with all your heart that you dont see everyday, or even see in a lifetime.... because that little girl has a part of my heart that she carries daily.



my baby will be 16 this july... and the time is comming to see if she will ever want to meet me, or if she just thinks i dont care.... if i ever get the chance to meet her, i will greet her with huge open arms, as will both her brother and sister - we have celebrated her birthday every year now since i can remember, and if you ask them, they will tell you.. she isnt here, but we all love her very much

Cloudbuster said:

awwwww sweetie

can i ask you some questions ?? ?

She may be curious to look you up sometime. Hopefully if a meet up happens it will be okay.

I raised my two step children since they were 5 and 6. At that time bio dad had little to do with them, called once every three months or so, would arange to see them, and usually not come thru with it. He lives in florida, we were in maine/mass. Now that they are teens he is calling all the time. He presents himself as the most fun guy in the world, lets them swear on the phone, puts down my wife and I, if he hears of something we think is unsafe he makes a point of allowing them to do it when they visit. Especially the middle boy at fifteen has idolized him, and turned himself into a brain dead loudmouthed ass.
Both of them have completely identified with him as a father. The effect on me is as if someone came and stole my boys away, it is the most painfull thing I can imagine going thru and I go thru it day after day.

luv4u said:

she was adopted by my aunts best friends, i know where she lives, i know what house shes in.. and i drive by everytime im in town - just hoping for a glance - a small look into her life and how shes doing....

its part of the papers that i signed, i cant go to find her until shes 18... although, we put an amendment in there saying that if either of us are ever in a life threatening situation, we can contact the family immediately, and noone has to wait till shes 18 then.

she lives in a beautiful home, and her parents are the best parents they gave her so much more than i could have....

nakedpianoplayer said:

Sure, as long as there's an understanding that I don't have to answer them all if I don't want to.

nakedpianoplayer said:

Does she know she's adopted?

noonblueapples said:

awwwww sweetie thats hard..... and see, thats what i dont want to happen, i have struggled with the fact that THOSE are her parents ... as hard as it is, they have done the work, they have made the sacrafices, they have been there to kiss her and hold her, they LOVE her... i dont want to ever take their relationship away or tarnish it in any way. but, i DO want her to know that making the decision i did was the HARDEST thing i have ever done, and i pay for it daily.... i dont want her to think that she was ever given up due to lack of love... EVER !!!!

to you, your situation sounds hard, and im so sorry....

NakedBassPlayer said:

yes, she does, and so does her brother... they are both adopted

Cloudbuster said:

i would never ask you to answer something thats painful to you

im gonna send an orgnote, thats a better idea

nakedpianoplayer said:

Hey, it's okay. It's just that there might be some stuff I'd rather keep to myself, is all. I don't mind discussing it on the boards.

Cloudbuster said:

ok, i will repost here.... answer what makes you feel ok.... k ? thank you in advance...

are you angry with your birthmom for giving you up ??? would you be angry if you knew she had other children years after you ??

have you ever contacted her, or do you plan to ????

what is the single most profound way that she could prove to you that you have always been in her mind and her heart ??? and would you care at this point ??

do you see yourself having a relationship of some kind with her ??

is there anything that you can say, as the child who was adopted, that can help me understand how she may be feeling ???



god, today is a really really tough day, its not usually this bad, but i just feel so empty.

nakedpianoplayer said:

CC me please!

just cos i'm nosey.

Legacy of an Adopted Child




Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember
The other you call Mother.

Two different lives
Shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun.

The first one gave you life
And the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love
The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent
The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home
That she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child
And her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears
The age old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment
Which are you a product of?
Neither my Darling, neither.
Just two different kinds of Love.

nakedpianoplayer said:

Not at all. She did it for the right reasons. My father died during the pregnancy and they had already had a daughter. My Mum was still young and thought it would be better for me to be brought up in a family home rather than her trying to support me while having to deal with the grief of her loss and also having another youngster to look after.


No. I would hope that she had more if she wanted them.


Not yet. And I'm not sure that I ever will.




I simply believe that you could never forget a child to whom you had given birth. That's good enough for me.



Perhaps. But to be honest it's not something I think about very often.



Depends on the circumstances surrounding the adoption, I guess. Because my adoptive Mother had told me why I was adopted, I was able to accept and forgive straight away. I doubt few parents are able to give up their children easily. If you ever do meet her, hopefully she'll forgive and understand your reasons for doing what you did. And if she doesn't, I just hope that you are able in time to accept her decision not to. But I hope it doesn't come to that. There's a chance that you may a have a wonderful relationship together in the future.
I wish you all the best.

TheFrogSpawn said:

Cloudbuster said:

for you, Sprout.

That was a hugely honest and touching post from you.

TheFrogSpawn said:

Makes a change, huh?

Can't you write to her parents and ask about her? Tell them you're not trying to upset anyone and you just want to know how she's doing??Or does the contract forbid that too?

noonblueapples said:

my story is quite the same...only the biological mother walked ... the teen yrs were hell much like yours ... they are now in their mid- 20's great kids as always ... they live close to the mother that treated them like show dogs ... some things we we're not meant to understand ... if you ever need someone to talk to ...i'm an org-note away

HowComeYouDontCallme said:

I tink it'll just make things harder. Any step that you take towards the child, will just want you to step closer even more and more, and it'll be harder to step back.
I think it's best to wait as agreed, until she's 18.

Cloudbuster said:

wow.... ok, i had to take a moment to get myself together...

first, let me say, you are incredible !!!!! youre outlook and your ability to understand another persons feelings is nothing but positive it sounds to me like your adoptive mother did the very best thing for you by explaining it all to you young, that way, theres no chance for you be left to come up with explainations that werent true. god bless your mom for being there to ease your mind right away

see, the love of a mother comes in so many ways.... whether she gave birth to you, or brought you home from another woman, the love is there, and it is a gift to have as a child, and also from a mother.... as i said in the orgnote, i can only hope that my child is as well adjusted as you are.... and i do pray that her and i will see each other again someday soon... 18 is right around the corner for us i still cry every year.. i still cry every time i hear that song... i still cry at the adoption movies.. i still cry whenever i think of her being sad or alone... my emotions are very real, just without anywhere for them to go...

thank you again sweetheart, and trust me, as a momma, i KNOW she thinks of you and wishes you the very best each and every day

Um, I always thought we'd have to adopt. I figured we'd adopt a Thai or Cambodian child. Shortly after I hooked up with my now wife she had cancer of the ovary and after that it seemed like a bit of a long shot to have a baby. Then just recently she got pregnant, yet we decided she should have an abortion as we're not ready and don't have enough security in our situation. I hope we haven't made a mistake.