You know what I'm talking about? Being someone's best friend one day and several months later being shit on. Not even worth checking up on to see how you're doing. When contacted it's usually to help with something.

It's like everything you say, don't say or do it's wrong or not good enough. You're never caring enough, never understanding enough. Everything that was good now seems to be what drives you further apart. What hurts the most is that they used to think the world of you.

You could feel it coming though, it was just too good. You know yourself, so you knew what they thought of you didn't correspond with the truth about you. On the other hand you wanted to believe that everyone else was wrong about you and this person was right. You wanted to believe you were that great person you desire to be, but in reality aren't. So you never said anything and then it happened. Slowly you started to fall back in that old pattern, your old bad habits, the real you. A few other fucked up things happen and now everything is fucked.

They won't let you go even though sometimes you wish they'd tell you they hate you and never want anything to do with you anymore because it hurts too much to be constantly reminded of what you did. That's not gonna happen though, because that's how you'd react, but they are much better than you are. They still want to maintain some sort of friendship, but in your twisted mind it feels more like it's time for punishment. It feels like them being distant is just to make you feel bad when in reality you know they're probably just scared to get hurt again.

Then you want to make up for fucking up but you don't know how exactly. You want to give too much, you're just too eager...you want things to be right again too quick. You're buying them all sorts of shit whether you can afford it or not.

That's the point I'm at right now. I'm doing all I can under these circumstances, but they need to come to me. It's not always easy. Sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and call, see how they're doing, but it's probably better this way.

Anyway, I'm rambling. It's 9:16am here right now and I haven't slept all night. I should go offline now. Let me know if any of you have any good tips for me other than telling me to get a life and stop feeling sorry for myself.

If only I could turn back time...

analbolique said:

U gotta let things roll.. U can't force things... do what U can then see what happens... like they say all things happen for a reason.. people come n and outta our lives ... we may not know why at the time.... if things aren't going the way U think they should then U should just let it be..

Habits are just habits, they don't represent "the real you". All you can do is try to do better. It's that whole "get back up on the horse" thing. Regardless how many times you fall into your old bad habits, keep on trying.

Go with your gut. If you feel like calling your friend, do it. Show them that you can call them without needing something. Wanting to call them to see how they are already shows what a good person you are.

I think you know who your REAL friends are.. so why not stay with them, and not waste any more time with somone who isnt obcviouly not worth your friendship, nor your time and energy..

from China..

.. I mean think, think about it.. tell me I am not wrong..

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

awww

btw, what you have just described.. is that a real friend? why let a *friend* treat you like that.. its not a friendship.. dont get me wrong, maybe it was and its sad that once so close, it hs turned around and one may feel lost or confused as to whats happened.. theres the clue, iit hads happened, and seems its not one litle glitych or misunderstanding or argument..


I say kick them to the kerb.. they are not helping you as a friend or as not a friend..

Fuck Em!

You just gotta let it go. I was going through the same thing with a friend I've had for over 10 years. No matter what I did it was wrong and pissed him off. I would apologize even though I didn't do anything wrong, just to shut him up..but even that didn't work. So I just said fuck it. We haven't spoken for a few months and I'm not gonna kiss his ass anymore. Someday he will realize he was being a prick and apologize, and if he doesn't then I don't want him as a friend anyway. It's too bad, we had a lot of fun together but I can't walk on pins and needles thinking that I "might" piss him off.

Good luck. Don't beat yourself up over it.

REDFEATHERS said:

and then she said:

Make up your mind! You're confusing him!

I have to agree....maybe there not a friendship worth saving here....and even though you care about em, if thats not going both ways...you will only get hurt..move on with someone that deserves you

BabyGirl said:

BabyGirl said:

Don't think anyone did anything that bad to "deserve" me.

analbolique said:

well you know i have a different opinion on that