I love the "Quirkies" section of the news website www.ananova.com

Basically the silly stories of the day.

Here's a taster:


Driver's nose broken by frozen sausage

"A man is recovering after a frozen sausage was thrown through the window of his car, breaking his nose.

The man who has not been named was driving near his South Woodham Ferrers home in Essex when the incident occurred.

An ambulance service spokesman said: "The man said he was making his way home after work and had the window down because it was such a nice afternoon. He said he saw a car coming the other way and felt a searing pain in his nose. He managed to stop his car without hitting anyone else."

The spokesman added: "I feel very sorry for him - it must have been an incredibly lucky or unlucky shot to get the sausage through a moving car window. I have never seen or heard of anything like this before."

Police are investigating the incident reports BBC online."

.....

DIY pet cremation backfires

"A Belgian man set his flat on fire and ended up in hospital after trying to cremate his pet dog at home.

The man, from Schaarbeek, tried to cremate his dead pet on a barbecue on his apartment terrace.

But he used too much petrol and the flames grew out of control, setting a wall alight, reports Gazet van Antwerpen.

Neighbours called the fire brigade when their saw huge flames coming from the second floor terrace.

Firefighters managed to control the blaze before the fire got hold and saved the apartment.

But the householder suffered burns to his arm and needed hospital treatment."

.....

Camilla beaten by dung at charity sale

"A signed picture of Camilla, the new Duchess of Cornwall, was beaten at a charity auction by a pile of dung.

She also donated a letter and a book to the sale to help raise money for the Aberglasney Gardens near Carmarthen, West Wales.

The lot went for £15 - while 12 tons of vintage 15-year-old horse manure fetched £70.

Auction organiser Jacqui Mitchell said: "The Duchess's items were among the last things that she signed as Camilla Parker Bowles. But the most interest was in the manure - it is very hard to come by at this sort of age."

The auction raised £3,600 reports The Sun.

Other items on sale included a tie from BBC newsreader Huw Edwards that fetched £20."

TAE QUEEN DO!


Her Majesty takes up the martial arts
We can exclusively reveal that her Majesty has been taking lessons in the martial arts. The Queens interest was sparked by a little known confrontation at a reception held at Balmoral last June. According to our source "The function had been going for around an hour, the background chatter of small talk was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a glass smashing followed closely by two women shouting. I looked across the room and Her Majesty and Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands were squaring up to each other, as bodyguards rushed to the scene the Dutch queen struck our Queen across the face with a clenched fist. British bodyguards together with their Dutch colleagues soon separated the two catfighting queens. As they were ushered away they both continued to yell obscenities and spit at each other". It is rumoured that the argument centred on the 2 countries respective football teams.

Our Queen came of the worst, she suffered a swollen lip, while Queen Beatrix was unhurt. Queen Elizabeth vowed there would be no repetition and decided to learn unarmed combat. Former UK judo champion Brian Jacks was summoned to the palace to devise a training program for her majesty.

According to Brian "the Queen wished encompass several styles from around the world, I drew from all the main martial arts : kung-fu, karate, judo, kenco, thai boxing and tae kwan do. I was amazed at how quickly her majesty picked up the techniques, on the first lesson she was able to deliver kicks at head height and within a few lessons she could smash housebricks with a single punch and stuff like that"

Palace officials expected the martial arts to be a flash in the pan that would wear off once the brouhaha over the incident with Queen Beatrix had died down. If anything it has turned into something of an obsession with the Queen. Even parts of Buckingham palace have been turned over her new interest. The main reception room now features a large punch bag where the Queen greets visiting dignitaries with a display of kick boxing. According to one palace aide, last summer at a banquet to cement Anglo-Soviet relations, Boris Yeltsin had a few too many vodkas and tried to emulate our Queen on the punch bag, unfortunately Boris got a little over enthusiastic and had to be treated for a groin strain.

The Queen has also bought a large number of martial arts related paraphernalia. She has quite a collection of kung-fu films which she watches endlessly, she's known to watch the videos with the sound turned down and make the sound effects herself. During her travels the Queen has exploited the fact that she's unlikely to be stopped by customs officials to amass an array of illegal implements. Her favourite item is a set of nunchuka's (usually known as rice flails) bought in Taiwan, she has got quite adept with them. However she recently had an accident with the nunchuka's resulting in serious damage to an 18th century chandelier at Windsor castle.


It is widely believed in Royal circles that Queen Elizabeth still feels strongly about the elimination of the England football team from the World cup by Holland in October 1993. In particular she is incensed about Ronald Koeman, she believe's he should have been sent off for a foul on David Platt minutes before he scored from a free-kick, indeed she's set aside a dungeon in the Tower of London in case Mr Koeman enters the UK. Since the incident at Balmoral the Queen has net yet come face to face with Queen Beatrix. Security chiefs breathed a sigh of relief when England were elimanated from the Euro 2000 competition, it is only a question of time before the royal rivals meet again

tit.

I'm going to print this thread out and wipe my ass with it.

2the9s said:

I think U should put that in the fetish thread..this is the quirkies thread

2the9s said:

make sure to make it 2-ply

2the9s said:

Given the size of your ass, you'll have to wait until it's at least 1,000 replies long.

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

Link?

2the9s said:

"Missing...?"

Yes.

Yes, you are.

TheFrogSpawn said:

ella731 said:

Can you start a thread?

I'm timing an egg and it should be done by the time your thread reaches page 2.

2the9s said:

i think we can bet on page 3

ella731 said:

It's just a soft boiled egg.

2the9s said:

page 3....soft boiled egg...why do those two things make me think of nudey pictures in The Sun?

TheFrogSpawn said:

becuase you are a twat?

ella731 said:

Good point.

TheFrogSpawn said:

well at least I can make one good point a week

ella731 said:

i should try and make this one last the year, to be honest.

TheFrogSpawn said:

good luck! i hope you all the best

Fuck, this is worse than LadyBoy's thread.

TheFrog said:

The stories in the Quirkies is funny as hell. Ananova.com is the shit.

TheFrog said: